It's almost been a year

[norcalgrl831]

On Sept 10th marks the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing. She was diagnosed January 2011 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. When she told me what type of cancer she had, it felt like she already died. With treatment doctors only gave her 3 months. She lasted 6.

She was a young 65, with 4 kids and 10 grand kids. I watched her slip into depression due to the fact this was not the way she wanted to go. I had to play it straight with her and told not to give up and give it a good fight. I almost had to talk her into to getting treatment. It was the selfish part of me but she knew she needed to stay with us just a little bit longer.

I was her sole care giver when she was under hospice care. Feedings, diaper changing's and making sure she was taking all the right medications. I didn't have to time to be the grieving daughter.

When my mom passed came the guilt, anger, resentment, bitterness, loneliness. you know? the laundry list of emotions.

2 months after my mom died I had a severe depressive episode. The doctor said I had some PTSD. Let's just say the last year hasn't been the best. My mom and I had some unfinished business which makes it really hard to grieve.

We had the habit of avoiding confrontation and loved to keep things inside. Like mother like daughter.

[moonchaser]

Hi Sara, I can imagine how difficult it must be to go through this. Unfinished, unresolved issues with a deceased parent can be traumatizing and challenging. I think if you found some time to write a letter to your mom and say everything that is on your mind you might be able to find some closure and move on. I recently witnessed something miraculous happen with my grandfather who just died and it has convinced me that we do have souls--a spirit form that goes on after death. It is not too late to say what you want to say. Write a long letter to your mother and say everything that needs to be said. Bring it to your mother's grave and read it to her. You never know if she might still be listening.

[Daffodilfun]

Today is the 10th so I want you to know that I am praying for you. Try to use this day to remember the good things about your mom. I know it will be very hard but just know you are not alone.

Sally

[josephtmacgregor]

On Sept 10th marks the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing. She was diagnosed January 2011 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. When she told me what type of cancer she had, it felt like she already died. With treatment doctors only gave her 3 months. She lasted 6.

She was a young 65, with 4 kids and 10 grand kids. I watched her slip into depression due to the fact this was not the way she wanted to go. I had to play it straight with her and told not to give up and give it a good fight. I almost had to talk her into to getting treatment. It was the selfish part of me but she knew she needed to stay with us just a little bit longer.

I was her sole care giver when she was under hospice care. Feedings, diaper changing's and making sure she was taking all the right medications. I didn't have to time to be the grieving daughter.

When my mom passed came the guilt, anger, resentment, bitterness, loneliness. you know? the laundry list of emotions.

2 months after my mom died I had a severe depressive episode. The doctor said I had some PTSD. Let's just say the last year hasn't been the best. My mom and I had some unfinished business which makes it really hard to grieve.

We had the habit of avoiding confrontation and loved to keep things inside. Like mother like daughter.

Sara I am so sorry to read this about your mother...and about the way you are feeling now after her death. I have lost my parents, they died in the 90s. Neither had cancer or an extended illness but I just read your post and wanted to say that I am thinking of you as well. I see that today marks one year. "Firsts" of any kind after a loss are tough. But when it comes to PTSD and holding things up inside.....that is what I am experiencing now, as a result of finally getting around to being the "grieving brother". I didn't have time to step into that role, either, when my brother was sick (he passed from cancer as well). And I wasn't even his primary caregiver, I was more like his secondary caregiver during the last several weeks of his life. But you are not alone. I have been fighting off severe depression as well and just got on some new medicine which will hopefully help me to get me feeling back like myself again, at least somewhat. But even years after my brother's passing these things still affect me. So for your sake, continue to accept the grief and the feelings as they come. I wish that I had taken the time to work through this all sooner while the loss was still "fresher", as you are doing.

It is difficult to lose a parent, at any age from any cause. But I think to see your mother suffer and regress in certain ways (like you mentioned- feedings, diaper changes, administering meds etc...brother went through all that) would undoubtedly affect any mother's child. I am glad that you have gone to a doctor to help you sort through things. I don't know if this is a psychiatrist or if you are doing counseling as well, but I have been doing counseling for a little while now and it has helped me tremendously. I am someone who bottles things up. I don't like to burden my wife with some of the memories I have of my brother when he was ill. So for me it has taken counseling to get that out of me, but it is really helping me, I can tell.

Sorry to ramble- just wanted to post that you are not alone. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, and so sorry that she slipped away due to cancer. From my brother I know how that is, and I know the pain of losing a mother. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Tihis is a very good site with caring people, you have taken a good step by coming to it. The chat room also proves very helpful to talk through the grief.

Take care

Joe

[Daffodilfun]

I am sorry I said that today is the 10th. I know that the 10th is tomorrow. My prayers are still with you.

Sally