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Loss of a Father


mybellmeechel

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chrisncamsmom

I agree this is a safe place to talk and to know that what I feel matters. My husband doesn't understand, I would have loved to have both my parents alive to enjoy watching my children grow up. And also I have lost the connection to my childhood. It would have been my parents 45 wedding anniversary comming up on the 3rd and it will be my 5th anniversary on the 2nd. This is the first year I have felt like doing anything. Everyday I would love to have my parents here with me but I also never want to go through the loss again.

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alwaysmyjennifer

feelingalone, the emotions you have are a natural part of grief. I'm sorry. The numb, surreal feelings, are our spirit's way of protecting us and giving us a break from the grieving. The pain isn't always going to be this bad. In time, it lessens to something you can manage. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May you have peace.

__________

Chrisncamsmom, yes, this is a safe place to release the pain of our sorrow. We still need to be careful about personal things, but our grief is a common part we all share. I hope with prayers you can have comfort and peace in your time of sorrow.

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MAYBE THEY ARE NOT STARS IN THE SKY BUT OPENINGS TO HEAVEN WHERE OUR LOVED ONES LOOK DOWN UPON US

My mother bought this picture frame for me. I have a picture of my father and I on my wedding day in it. He had the biggest smile on his face and I can still see the love and pride in his eyes as he looked at me right before he walked me down the aisle to give his only daughter away. I cannot believe that so soon after this I would be giving my father away and that I would never see him again. It has been 4 months since we received the call that my father had passed away in my parents backyard while he was cutting the grass. I wonder what went through his thoughts as he left this physical world. I know that he knew he was loved by so many people and that he would truely be missed. I hope that he is looking down on me right now from one of those bright stars shining in the sky tonight!

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I miss me dad so much...everything reminds me of him...I picture him constantly driving, doing things, looking at pictures of him just from days before searching for a clue...I long for him to be back...I really don';t want to accept that he is not.

I think that when it comes to dads...they so unconditionally love us daughters...my dad would have done anything for me...he loved me no matter waht I looked like, etc. This is soooo hard....I want to talk and hug him and have him here somehow.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

julie

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Sorry to hear about your loss too. I bought a book called "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" about sudden loss of a loved one. I feel like my dad was stolen from us. He too, was found in my parents home on the ground and I replay it over and over again. It sounds like you really had a special connection.

I found that writing my feelings really helps...I wrote a letter to him and I talk to him a lot. I pray that he can hear me...

If you have legal questions or anything...try posting them...I am not a lawyer but since we are going thru some of the same maybe I can hep (or others)

Take care of yourself

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My dad died in May of this year. I miss him so much. My dad and I always had a special connection and I feel like I lost my best friend. I always thought that since my dad and I were so close that I would be able to "feel" him around me after he passed, but that hasn't been the case. I have 2 kids ages 8 & 11 and I feel so bad for them because they won't have their "Papaw" around anymore. My boys are tough guys and don't show their sorrow very much, but I know it's there. We talk about my dad a lot and laugh at his old, funny stories. My dad had been very ill for a long time with a multitude of problems and was getting worse by the day. We knew he did not have much time, but it was still so hard to say goodbye. In my head, I know he is better off and not suffering anymore, but in my heart, I miss him like crazy. Then I feel guilty for being so sad when my mom has lost the love of her life for past 44 years. She took good care of him during his illness and never stopped loving him. I feel angry at times because my dad was just 64 at the time of his death. I apologize for going all over the place here, but this is the first time I have posted here and I have a ton of different thoughts and feeling going in my head.

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Nmiller and everyone,

Don't apoligize....we all understand how you feel. I lost my dad a year and a half ago. I cry, too....and miss him so bad..I was his only daughter out of 10 kids and we had a bond that was indescribable...I am sure that is how you feel as well.....Your dad is with you. I think when we are deeply grieving it is very difficult for them to get thru to us so sometimes it is when we least expect it. Keep writing here as we all know your pain. I am sorry for you loss and everyone else's here!

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ashley83...I too feel sad trying to talk because I want him to be there or to feel him sooooo bad. I just keep hoping. I feel like my heart is broken and it aches inside so much.

lauraa...do you "feel" your dad now and if so, when did that happen for you?

Just curious..I know it is different for everyone...I just long for him so much...

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lauraa...thanks for your response! A funny thing happened yesterday after posting here about my dad. I found three quarters in different places! I even found one today while out shopping. That in itself isn't strange, but what is strange is that my dad used to give me quarters when I was little and he gave them to my sons when we would go to visit. Even when I got older he would put them in greeting cards as a joke. Is this his way of saying "I'm here!" or maybe I'm just searching too hard for any kind of "contact" from him? No, I am not nuts and I don't normally believe in things like that, but finding those quarters made me wonder!

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Nmiller....I think that most definitely is your dad letting you know he is close by.....quarters is how he knew he could get your attention to let you know that.....

Jujubee....I lost both parents and my husband all within 6 months of each other. Right from the start when I close my eyes I could see my husbands face and my dad's silhouette. My husband's face appeared to me in our bedroom window about 4 months after he "passed". Now I am getting signs again from my husband. Last night at our HS auditorium I felt as if someone was blowing air on my face....my daughter said it was not her. At a FB game Sat. it was very chilly and I felt a stream of warm air twice and everyone else around did not feel it. My dad appeared to his sister shorting after he "passed". She said he was standing in the doorway and then sat on her bed...she kissed his hand like she always did and he said he needed to give my brother a message....she would never make anything like that up. My dad has never come to me yet but I think that is because my husband is hogging his time with me...lol! And, I think because I have been grieving so deeply for my husband that my dad can't get to me. I have had many readings by mediums (who do not know me) and each and everyone of them are right on so that has validated to me in so many ways that "live on". I will never say they died....they "pass on".....that is what I believe in....good luck and be patient.

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Today I was scrolling through the numbers in my cell phone and I realized that I still have all of my dad's # programmed. I wanted to call him and tell him what a hard day I had at work today. He was always the first one I would call with any sort of news. My father passed away of a massive heart attack. He was a strong and healthy 58 year old. It has been very difficult since so much has happened since he passed on and I want him to share in the wonderful things that are happening. I was driving home today and the song came on by Luther Vandross and I completely lost it. I am also very anxious about my best friend's wedding this weekend. I am finding it very difficult to watch her walk down the aisle with her father. I have flashbacks of my father and I. I just want to cry all the time. But people think I should be better now. It has been 5 months and they think life should be back to normal. I also just started a new teaching job and people at work do not know that I just lost my father. I feel like I have to put on a happy face all the time. The night tome is the worst when you just lye there in bed and your brain goes and you cannot stop it. I cry myself to sleep thinking that maybe I will wake up and it will be a horrible nightmare.

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When I am scrolling, My dad is always appearing on my cell phone. I can't bring myself to delete it...I even tried to call his number even though I knew my mom turned his phone back in. The message from Verizon saying it was no longer a valid number was heart breaking. I just wanted to hear his voice...I wish we could have saved it somehow...

I picture his body so much in the casket and want to hug him again and have him to touch. I sometimes think even having him like that is better than having him buried...I at least felt him there in some way...it sounds crazy and I would never admit that out loud to others...

I cry myself to sleep every night...It has almost been 1 month since my dad died suddenly at 59yo and I feel like people are ready for me to be doing better.

I feel like that day has changed me forever. I would do anything to feel "close" to him again...it is like a craving.

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lauraa...thanks for your post... I am sorry about your losses...I can't imagine having such important people pass away so close together. How long has it been? Also, did you beleive in any of "that" stuff before your losses?

thanks to everyone on this board...I feel like I can write or ask the things I otherwise can't

take care

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I was a real \"Daddy\'s Girl\" (even at age 38). It\'s been hard being without him, but given all of the problems he had, I know he\'s better off now. My dad was such a big strong guy before his illnesses and I know that he was totally embarassed to have my mom to feed him, clean him, etc. He was a very proud man and he just felt so bad all the time that he lost his will to go on. Like I said, my head knows this, but my heart still aches from missing him. My dad died at the hospital. My mom had the hospital to wait for me and my family before taking Dad to the funeral home (we live @ 75 miles away from my folks). When I walked in and saw my dad, it was so weird. I did not feel his presence at all. He always had such a big personality and when I saw him, I did not feel him there. When we left, I did give him a kiss and told him I loved him. While he was at the funeral home, I spent time alone with him, touched him and talked to him, but he just wasn\'t there. I wanted so badly just to feel him somehow. Even 4 months later, it\'s still hard to believe that I\'ll never see him again, hear his voice, or feel his hugs. It\'s really hard to go to my mom\'s house without my dad being there. I can only imagine how hard it\'s been for my mom. We all loved my dad very much. I have to keep reminding myself that my dad was in very bad health for a long time and he is not suffering anymore.

Sorry to ramble on, but I haven't been able to talk much about my dad's death with my husband, mom, or brother. It's just too hard. I do talk about it with my kids, mainly because we talk about happy times and funny stories about my dad. I try not to cry about my dad very much because I wouldn't want him to live and continue to suffer like he did. Being a Christian, I believe that my dad is in Heaven and his body is totally healed. I try to take comfort in that even though I miss him.

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I am new to this and not sure where to start...First of all I just lost my father on Aug 23, 2005, at the age of 55, he passed away due to a liver disease...I like alot of you here was a daddy's girl even still at age 34.. My mother could not handle the arrangements, nor could my younger brother or sister, so i had to hold things together and take care of things. I can't even drive down the road without crying. It seems every time I close my eyes I see my daddy before he got sick, how strong he was for all of us. I have a 16 yr and 11 yr son, who are having a really rough time as well..

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Tinal271-I'm so sorry for your loss! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family and also to the other posters who have lost loved ones. I hope we all can find some comfort at this difficult time in our lives.

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Hi everyone. I am new to this board, although my daddy passed in February. Last October, he was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer (he had quit smoking 20 years before), and four months later he was gone. The last seven months have been horrible.

Some of you have asked if you "feel" your fathers' presence. It is so important for me to feel like I am still connecting with him... and yet, I don't "feel" him. Sometimes I talk to him, but it seems so futile. I just end up sobbing and choking on my tears.

My dad died on February 13 of a chemo-induced stroke. The doctors told us that tests had shown he would have had maybe 30 days tops. He was not an old man - he was young (64), very vibrant, a big mover and shaker in finance, a great golfer, a foodie, a wine expert, a fantastic golfer, a joker. And all of a sudden he was gone??? Because he was always thinking ahead, he had ordered me roses for Valentine's Day (I always got pink, my mom always got red) before he was even admitted to the hospital. They arrived the day after his passing - although I was at my parents' house and not home in NYC. It said "Happy Valentine's Day to Daddy's little girl. Love always, Dad".

How am I supposed to go on?

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whenstars...

so sorry about your loss. I think that is an incredible story about him sending the flowers. I beleive that when people have been ill they begin to sense when they may let go or pass on. It seems like it was almost his way of sending you a sign and letting you know he WILL always be there for you.

I heard it takes some time to be through the intense grief before we are opened up to FEEL them. i hope that is true. I would do anything to FEEL my dad. It is so hard when they were younger and vibrant...I look at pictures of him days before he died and he was so ALIVE.

Take care

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ashley83...i am glad you responded about also wishing you could still have your dad even if it is in the casket. i felt so odd. I totally agree that waiting is better to spread his ashes. I think that comes near the end of the grief and loss stages -acceptance. That way, you may feel more comfortable with what you decide. I also know people that hold onto a little bit of them as well. That makes sense.

I am searching for a way to create a special place or memorial that would be comforting to go to and spend time... a bench...something...any ideas?

i am trying to fgure out what would be \"him\"

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I am 22 years old and I have a 9 year old little brother. Our dad died Aug. 24, 2005 suddenly and very unexpectedly. He was 55 years old. Today is his birthday. I don't know what to say.

I came online to look for information on how to deal with the 9 year old boy that my mother and I are now left to raise. He is a good boy, but we are noticing that his rebelliousness keeps increasing. He hasn't talked about anything with us and seems to just block everything out. My mother was never good with discipline to begin with - it's just not in her, and my little brother knows this and uses it to his advantage.

I don't know why I'm writing all of this. I guess I just wanted to tell someone.

It's just so wierd. He's not coming back. It's been three weeks, and he's not coming back. The reality of it all is too much to think about.

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I lost my dad in march this year. It was sudden, he lived in the states I lived in the UK, he was due be here in April. I visited the states in Feb and went to see my sister instead of visiting, i returned on Wed and he died on Sunday - it was mothers day and I was just about to phone him when my sister called and told me. I adored my dad and we got really well and now he's gone.

It been a nightmare ever since - one moment I am ok and the next I am not. I had to give up my job because my mum was ill in the states and returned back to the uk 3 weeks ago. I started to eat meat again after being a vegie for 5 years.

This week every time i am alone I just cant stop crying. Sometimes I am angry and sometimes I think I'll get through this. I live alone and have no real structure left to my life - I've started working as a temp to keep me busy although I really need to finish decorating my house but I dont want to be at home.

I seem to have lost who am I in all this. I just seem to go with the flow and so anything to keep going. Everything is still confusing, I am still upset and people around me think I should be able to get on with life and move on. I've stopped trusting people. My family has moved on and I feel stuck. Does anyone have any suggestions.

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maryrose,

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is difficult, but to lose your dad suddenly and at your age is devastating. I lost my dad suddenly when I was 8. My mom was left with the task of raising three little ones alone, while 4 older siblings were already out of the house. I relied on the older ones for much of my "mothering" as my mom, 41 at the time, couldn't function at all. It took her 2 years to get back out there. I was lucky to have the older ones, as was my mom. It is still so early for you, your mom and your brother to guage any long term behavior traits right now. What you said about your dad not coming back is probably very difficult for your brother to realize right now even more so. It took me a very long time before I really grasped the idea tha he was gone. Counseling may help all of you, but for your brother, does his school know what has happened? I felt like I received a lot of extra support from teachers and the school counselor once I returned to school. I think your job, right now, has shifted a bit from sister to sister/caregiver for your mom and brother. That makes being you way more challenging. Take care of yourself and it's OK to do things for just you. Have a life with friends, and when you are ready, do the things you did before....it's OK. You will get responses on this site with much care and support. It has been a Godsend for me dealing with the recent loss of my mom, so definitely keep writing. Thoughts to you and your family.

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daughterrachael

I seem to have lost who am I in all this. I just seem to go with the flow and so anything to keep going. Everything is still confusing, I am still upset and people around me think I should be able to get on with life and move on. I've stopped trusting people. My family has moved on and I feel stuck. Does anyone have any suggestions.

Sunbeam, I have not yet lost my father, but he is very close to the end. I have know idea how I will be or feel when it does happen. I do know that through all this I have to kept my life together. In my past I have always looked for the easy way out. I used the bad situations in my life to allow myself to "fall apart". I wanted to do that now as well. But I have to keep pulling and pushing myself to get out of bed and go about my day. Sometime if going through the motions is the only way to do that than that's ok, it won't be like that forever.

Your father would want to decorate your house and spoil yourself, if you fill your home with thing that make you feel good and happy you will want to be there more, It will become your safe haven.

Your stronger than you would ever think. Don't worry about crying a lot cause it is a very healing action, trust me I do it ALL the time. Don't worry about your family members, not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve. Some people are very good at hinding there feelings. I believe allowing yourself to cry and hurt helps you heal. I feel sad for people that stuff it all inside, it will come out one way or another and it usually is not a pretty site. Another think I know is that sad times never last, you will be happy again some day,the sun will shine again... take care

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Thank you to everyone for sharing. Your stories comfort my soul. My father passed on 2 years, 2 monthes, and 1 day ago. But who\'s counting?!! I have had signs from my father, and I have had readings that were right on. What really got me was for a period of about 3 weeks I kept finding dimes EVERY day in the weirdest places. No other coins, only dimes. I finally asked what does this mean? And then I realized that my Dad had passed on the 10th. He was trying to tell me he\'s still with me - everyday. After I acknowleded this, I have seen no more dimes.

Also, it is interesting how people expect us to be \"better\" after a couple of monthes, or a few monthes or whatever. My boyfriend who I was with for 10 years could not give me the space I needed to grieve. He would say \"come on Chrissy it\'s been 2 monthes\". Now that we are broken up, I have the freedom to grieve when I want to, how I want to. We are not crazy or wrong for our need to feel whatever it is we are feeling. For me, I lost the most important person in my life. I hold on to the fact that I will see him again someday.

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Lemonhead,

Thank you for your thoughts and your words of support and encouragement. They're greatly appreciated.

Ashley83,

Our situations are very similar aren't they. I remember being a teenage girl..it wasn't that long ago. It's rough. That still doesn't excuse her behavior, though does it. It must be really difficult dealing with her. Someday she'll mature and realize how she acted during this whole ordeal, and probably appologize to you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with the loss of your father as well as your sister's immature behavior. I hope things get better for you.

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When it came to the relationship of my brother and I, it was non-exsistant. He was 31 and I was 26 and we could not stand to be in the same room as one another. I know that my Dad secretly wished that we would one day be civil with one another. My brother even chose not to attend my wedding. The day the my father passed on, his wish came true. It has been 4 months since my father passed on and my brother and I spend lots of time together. We even say "I love you" to one another. It is going to take more time for my husband to be excepting of the situation but like my father, I am hoping that one day my husband and brother can form a relationship with one another. I just hope that my father is looking down upon us knowing that his children are loving of one another. I just wish he was alive to see it. It makes me sad to know that he isn't.

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me and my father had kind of a close relationship and on june 1,2005 he was 39 and taken from me. he was hit by a car on on i-275 in tampa florida. he was a good man. now that he is gone it is like i feel a empty space big time and i can't explain it at all to my husband. i know everyone who reads this may think that i am crazy but every night before i go to bed i see him clear as day just with this smerk. i know it must sound stupid right and sometimes i think i am loseing my mind. could some one please tell me they have done this too. my mom she is in florida s well and since my dad has past she won't even speak to me i am alone i have no one to talk to about this so if anyone out there has some advice or somegood words to pass please do so and it would be greatly appreciated. if anyone also have advice on how to explain to my little girl that her grandpa is gone that would be helpful she asks me about him daily and i just fall to pieces cause i don't know what to tell her except he is in heaven. then she says well tell him to come down here i want to play with him. or she say well after the angels are done fixing him you tell him to come and i want to go to his house lol how cute is that and how do i explain she is only four.

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my father died when i was 11, and he died on father's day. no one, not my friends, my family, relatives ever asked me how I was doing during the first 10 years. My siblings were that much older that they had friends they could at least talk too. My peers were more interested in what nail polish they were wearing. Teaches, coaches never asked me. I would sit in class with tears falling down my face, adults would ask my friends if I was ok, my mother would see me cry and if I told her I was fine even with my eyes swollen from tears, she would hear that and walk away.

You would think 2, maybe 4 years have passed since my father died. It's not. He died 19 years ago and I am still dealing with it. No, nothing like it was. I have been through therapy (4 years during high school and not ever once did we talk about my father, the therapist thought it would be benificial to me to have behavioral therapy -which teaches you how to cope with the present - than talking about the past. Which i had never done. how wrong was that therapist. ) It just showed me once again that i could not talk about how I was feeling, how alone i was, and how not one person ever reached out to ask me if i was okay. because i wasn't.

And now, at thirty i wonder why i can't or don't have a boyfriend. b/c the thought of actually loving someone terrifies me - because i could never go through the pain again. my father was my hero, after he died, everything i knew to be wasn't any longer. I need to know if this is normal. I need to know how to get over this b/c i have learned to live in a world alone so that I could prove to myself if i had to be alone like my mom was after her husband died, i could handle it in ways she could not. i've proved that. i just haven't proved i could love someone. because i am too scared.

I want to stop feeling angry when people say divorce is harder than losing a parent to death, that someone lost THEIR father right around father's day, that someone had to deal with losing a grandparent. I hate even saying that but that's how i feel, i guess b/c my feelings were never validated. all i wanted was someone to hold me and say to me - are you ok? please talk to me, i am here for you.

i am not being melodramatic, those words were never spoken to me.

i want to be able to love and stop fucking up every relationship i have. i want to put my past behind me so much but there is still so much pain inside. I can't take it sometimes. And, I want to stop feeling so selfish like my pain was worse than others.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Go4itlucky, I'm sorry for your loss. It's not that unusual to see someone who has passed over. He wants you to know he's okay and happy. It's very difficult to tell a child that someone has died. Their concept of death is so different. They see life as permanent, not as death being a means to take us from this life. If you address it like he went to Heaven to be with the angels, it may help. My children are older, and I was spared most of this with them. My oldest daughter was killed at 21 to a rapist, and she visits me nightly, giving her Dad a hug. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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alwaysmyjennifer

Alt13245, death, whether it happened today, or twenty years ago, is still painful. We grieve as deeply as we love. What's wrong with talking about how you feel? If you would like to talk, I will be right here to listen. I lost my 21 year old by a rapist, and Jenni would be 30 years old now. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to something special just for you. Please feel free to write, and I'll gladly talk with you. Mark

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ALt13245...

I am so sorry for waht you have been through. Being 11 and losing a parent is hard enough without having the support and validation that you needed. It is so hard when someone so close is taken from us. Everyone does the best they know and are capable of at the time. People can be so ignorant and it doesn't mean they don't care. They are nervous, scared, don't know what to say so they avoid it. Unfortunately, it wasn't what you needed and DESERVED! It sounds like beyond all the grief and loss process you need to express your feelings for what you didn't get back then (another loss as well). Have you tried talking about it now that you are older or letter writing?

I wish you all the best and feel free to write anytime.

Julie

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Alt13245,

I am going to validate you!....You loved you dad and no-one asked you how you were...shame on all of them! I know what you are going thru...I lost my dear husband, who was my best friend in the entire world and my dad, also my best friend and my mom all within 6 months of each other with the last year or so....No-one ask me either....I couldn't believe where everyone went. And, I got tired of wondering and trying to make up excuses for all of them....no-one can handle that it could also happen to them....I am so sorry for your loss. There were lots of people who were wrong along the way for you and everyone should have been there for you. You have to let it all out now and you need to cuddle yourself and let yourself know it is o.k....How do I know this because I lost a brother in a house fire when I was 10 and he was 5 and I stuffed it...I became the good little girl and took care of everyone so nothing like that would/could happen like that again and I also didn't want to be a bother to anyone as I knew my parents were both totally distraut over loosing a child. So, 25 years later when I had my own baby girl I went thru post partum depression and it was all about loosing my brother and stuffing my feelings...You can run but you can't hide....I know how you feel and I don't care if it was 50 years.....You need to let all your feeling out about loosing your dear dad...he was the love of your life and you were daddy's little girl...How do I know that? Because I was too. I will cry as long and as much as I need to if no-one understand then it's to damn bad. I will support you and just be here to listen if needed...we all will be. Bless and love yourself.....When I get really down I know my love ones really wouldn't want me to be sad but there is a process we have to go thru and you need to allow yourself to do that and you need to find people who can and will support you with that....You will be fine and it is o.k. to let the anger, depression, saddness, fear, etc. out......It's all o.k. You will get stronger and stronger and better and better! I know!

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daughterrachael

I seem to be ok, services aren't till tomorrow so maybe that will be harder. Maybe I am still in shock. I don't know. He went into a coma like state in the morning and everyone got to come to say their good byes. I was will him the whole time. My oldest brother was in CA and he and his wife took the first plane out. There plane landed the exact time my father died. He knew his boy had arrived safely and was here to be with us all. I talked to him all day believing he could hear me. I have no regrets. I wanted to be there and got to be. Me and my other brother were in the living room and my step mom was alone in the room lying with my dad when he went. The apartment was quite and he took his last breathe. He did it his way and went when he wanted to.

I love my daddy, I know he is with me. I am so relived he is out of that broken body. His heart and soul grew too big to fit in that tiny little shell.

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daughterrachael:

I am so sorry for your loss, but I do know what you mean about feeling relieved that "he is out of that broken body". My dad passed in May after suffering for years with diabetes, heart problems, arthritis, etc. He was blind, could not hear well, and could not get around on his own. Even though I miss him so much, I would not wish him back into that body. Even when death is eminent, it's still difficult when it actually does happen. Take comfort in your family and friends. Take care of yourself.

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alwaysmyjennifer

DaughterRachael, I am sorry he is now gone. Rest your heart knowing he is dancing in Heaven. In the time I've gotten to know you, I feel like you've shown me what a truly great man he is. It's good to hear you say that he was able to leave in his way. This has been difficult and long, but his pain is over. If you need anything at all, feel free to write or call or IM. We'll do all we can for you. hugs, Mark

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Daughterrachel,

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a short while back...I miss him dearly but I know he lives on and is in a better place. Your dear dad will always be with you. He is in a place that is beyond comprehension. Only where peace and love exist...he paved the way for when you will meet again. Keep him forever in your heart as I know you will....God bless you and your family!

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alwaysmyjennifer

Hi, Laura. I haven't talked to you in a few days. I hope you're well. Rest your heart and find what you seek. It rests within. Peace never looks for a flambouyant place to stand, but a quiet place to share itself with those who seek. Your Dad and husband are in a restful, pleasant place. Their love will forever be with you.

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daughterrachael

Well I made it through the storm. The wake was hard because I was meeting family I never knew or olny remembered as a child. That was weird. It was closed casket, so I never realy got that my dad was in there.But I could have been there for 4 hours if I saw his face the whole time, his looks changed to much he didn't want people to remember him that way. Friday was the mass and burial. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I was really letting him go from that body and into my heart. He was in the navy and the flag was presented to me at the cemetery. My heart sank, I never cried so hard. Today I am going to my goddaughters first birthday party. I won't miss it for the world. I know it will be good for me to celebrate life. My dad is (well was)the best guy ever. I love him so much. I still just can't believe it. Without Tommy by my side I would have crumbled. I am ok, my dad is still with me. I didn't understand that before but now I do, he is with me.

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alwaysmyjennifer

He's with you, and always shall be. It's an honor to be given the flag, maybe overwhelming with emotion, but an honor. Happy first birthday to your goddaughter! This is how we do this, celebrating all of life, in death and in birth. I pray your dear heart can have the peace you need. Mark

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daughterrachael

Today is my first day back to work, the real world. I just don't know how I feel. Most people at work were not told about my dad's passing so only a few card and words of sympathy. I was afraid to be over whelmed with people coming up to me today. Other than my good friends I didn't want to really talk to anyone. I made an appointment to go back to therapy. I feel lost without having my dad in that apartment. I got so used to him just being there, sick for so long and now he is gone. It is still like a movie to me, I can't believe he is gone

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alwaysmyjennifer

The return to work can feel strange, because you face people you see daily. It's also normal to not want to talk to people, to want to be isolated. This is where your friends need to come to you and sit, not talk. This is your time. hugs and prayers.

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daughterrachael

Last night my step-mom took my brothers and I to their storage unit. We searched through boxes looking for anything that comforted us and held special memories. This was a tough experience. A family video was found that we all thought was lost forever. Me and my brothers have been through so much,this time we are all closer than ever, we are our father's children that he loved so much. I still can't believe he's gone. Being with his things made us feel that he was there with us, almost as he was there handing things out to us.

Once we got home we watched the video. It was so strange seeing this happy family on the TV. What happened to this family, I can't believe this family was mine. My dad tried so hard to build a good family. I guess he never saw the cracks till my mom presented them in divorce papers. I'll never get over that, I don't think I will ever forgive her

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alwaysmyjennifer

dautherrachael, when my grandfather, who raised me, died, I remember doing this step. It felt so wierd to be in possession of his things. We're both musicians, so I have some of those things, and I cherish them. My "family" was one that was too greedy, and they ransacked the house like a flea market. When you have to face what your mom did, try to understand that there are many pages to a book. There is no single reason why a couple divorces. There are perceptions on both parts that each of them had that brought about the divorce. I'm very sorry you were in the middle of it. Your perceptions will be different, and will shade your opinion of each of your parents. You said a while back that your dad was gracious enough to make amends and seek your forgiveness. This shows such great character in him. He may have had a few flaws, but he will always be a great man. Thank you for letting us know him a little through you. No matter how you feel about your mom, or what you do about forgiving her or not, let your heart have peace about it. Don't be in turmoil over her. Let peace be yours. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Dear Rachael

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I lost mine 8 months ago and it has seemed at times that my life has just stopped. I miss him daily... The worse thing is that I have also lost my mother. She is always crying.... screaming ,,, taking pills...

I can't talk to her about anything that i'm feeling because she can't handle it. The people here have given me new insight into many things. I hope that you find peace and love ... Hold on to that baby.... Those cute little feet and hands will get you through a lot.

connie

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Dear gotitlucky

I have read your post. Instead of retelling all my events .. i'm just not up to it today.. i would ask you to go to the ADC forum and read them. How old are you?

connie

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butterfly10954
Last night my step-mom took my brothers and I to their storage unit. We searched through boxes looking for anything that comforted us and held special memories. This was a tough experience. A family video was found that we all thought was lost forever. Me and my brothers have been through so much,this time we are all closer than ever, we are our father's children that he loved so much. I still can't believe he's gone. Being with his things made us feel that he was there with us, almost as he was there handing things out to us.

Once we got home we watched the video. It was so strange seeing this happy family on the TV. What happened to this family, I can't believe this family was mine. My dad tried so hard to build a good family. I guess he never saw the cracks till my mom presented them in divorce papers. I'll never get over that, I don't think I will ever forgive her[/QUOT

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butterfly10954
Last night my step-mom took my brothers and I to their storage unit. We searched through boxes looking for anything that comforted us and held special memories. This was a tough experience. A family video was found that we all thought was lost forever. Me and my brothers have been through so much,this time we are all closer than ever, we are our father's children that he loved so much. I still can't believe he's gone. Being with his things made us feel that he was there with us, almost as he was there handing things out to us.

Once we got home we watched the video. It was so strange seeing this happy family on the TV. What happened to this family, I can't believe this family was mine. My dad tried so hard to build a good family. I guess he never saw the cracks till my mom presented them in divorce papers. I'll never get over that, I don't think I will ever forgive her[/QUOT

i KNOW how you feel about being mad and not forgiving. My mother was way less than nice to my father and it's really hard to give comfort to someone who wasn't so nice to him when he was alive. Hope you can heal remembering the good times. Cindy

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volfanforever08
God truly loves all of you and says He will not give us more than we can handle. I lost my Dad on Feb. 7 and I sometimes still don't believe that he's gone. I can't use the "d" word when talking about him because it's too "final". I go to the cemetary twice a week for now while my toddler is in school but know I won't be able to get there once Fall arrives and I go back to work. Going there is healing as it makes the whole situation a reality for me. My father went for elective anyurism surgery on Dec. 14-4 days before my son's first birthday. We had a little "thing" at my house and that was the last time they saw eachother. After many complications like a colostomy, kidney and liver failure. Finally, four organs stopped functioning and my mother and I were forced to make a decision. We fought the fight with him and don't regret turning off the life support. We held his hand as he passed. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with grief and all I can think about is how much I miss him. I just want to turn back time and have him for a little while longer. I can't help but think about our weekly shopping trips with my son as I discovered that my Dad could "help" w/ the baby. Dad was blind but these trips made him feel useful and he loved my son more than life itself. Those times are my best memories yet when I close my eyes at night, all I could see is this proud man in his hospital bed so incapacitated. I know alot of you can relate to me and possibly your experiences are far worse than mine. God bless you all at this site and may He help you understand and cope with your terrible grief.

The day you posted this encouraging quote, my father passed. My story is long and drawn, but everyday, I feel the pain of my decisions, thoughts and actions. Not one of my siblings can comfort, Im the only one that seems to be in distress. Which leaves me one question. Why me?

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I lost my dad on June 21, 2005 after a 9 month battle with liver disease. I miss him every minute of every day and it is just not getting better. I am writing today because my birthday is October 18th and will be the first without my dad. I am dreading it. I cry every night just knowing that I won't get that card or the call telling me it was the best day of his life when I was born (he always told me that on my birthday, his little gift to me I guess). I am trying so hard not to drink right now. I just want to numb myself but I know it the worst thing I can do. I just pray God give me the grace I need right now. Thank you for this forum. It really helps to be able to talk about this.

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