Lost

[jpetersen]

My son died just over 4 months ago. I miss him so much. The overwhelming loss is worse than anything I ever imagined. It has strained my marraige, and now I am back to work full time and just hating being here. Even though I would just be home missing him, I don't want to be busy with work and then have the feelings pile up and come crashing down on me harder than ever. Cade, Dad really misses you and I hope you know how much your mom and I love you!!

[tantraman8]

My son died just over 4 months ago. I miss him so much. The overwhelming loss is worse than anything I ever imagined. It has strained my marraige, and now I am back to work full time and just hating being here. Even though I would just be home missing him, I don't want to be busy with work and then have the feelings pile up and come crashing down on me harder than ever. Cade, Dad really misses you and I hope you know how much your mom and I love you!!

My son also died over 4 months ago ( April 25th). And, "overwhelming and harder than anything I ever imagined" describes how it has felt/feels for this dad too. After Josh's passing, I was off of work until May 21st, almost a month. As close as I can remember I went back and forth on a daily basis, from shock to deep heart sobs. When I went back to work, for a while, I ran on adrenaline. Work gave me a place where I had to focus my energy on being there for my patients. About a month ago, I crashed, not emotionally, but energy wise. I have been given the "gift" of an inflamed digestive tract, and the need for medication to be able to sleep.

For a while, I wrote almost daily, "Letters to Josh" and poured out my grief and my fear. Going to an acupuncturist, reaching out for help on Facebook (believe it or not), and spending time with my best male bud, and a female friend who lost her son last October, all help(ed).

Many people offered me support, but finding this site has been HUGE for me. Most people DON'T REALLY GET what you have written. Here, everyone understands from a heart space.

I have recently gone (actually starting today) on Family Medical Leave, which means I'm working four days a week, instead of five. I have some fear about the extra time at home. Sometimes, the VOID left by Josh passing feels much worse, much darker than at work, but, right now, I just DON'T have the life force to do five days.

So, I'm glad you're here. I wish neither of had to be here. But, the love, support, and understanding here have been very helpful for me. One of the things that has helped me is when people further along than I share pleasure/peace with normal everyday life things. RIght now, joy and pleasure, only appear as rare slivers of light. I'm rambling..I'm actually going to try to rest right now. And, thank you for being here. Your sharing, as painful as it, affirms that my grief process, my loss is exactly as overwhelming and HUGE and legitimate as it feels. Sometimes, it has been hard for me to be gentle with myself. Keep coming back here. Your sharing helps me also feel not so alone in this.

David

[lulla27]

My son died just over 4 months ago. I miss him so much. The overwhelming loss is worse than anything I ever imagined. It has strained my marraige, and now I am back to work full time and just hating being here. Even though I would just be home missing him, I don't want to be busy with work and then have the feelings pile up and come crashing down on me harder than ever. Cade, Dad really misses you and I hope you know how much your mom and I love you!!

Hi JPeterson - my son Jack passed away just three weeks ago and so I know the rawness that you're feeling. I'm trying to get myself out in public at least once a day, but I find myself resenting other peoples' normalcy and even their happiness. I'm a mom with lots of mom friends, and where we used to share stories about our children, I can't even bear to listen now. I get sad, hurt, angry. My son and I were tremendously close (he was only 14!) and so that void is massive. I do feel so bad for dads too. My husband deals with his grief differently than I do and I don' t know how to help him. I wail and sob and bang the bed and talk talk talk, but that isn't what he needs, even though he supports me in my grief. Everyone is different. I'm afraid he's going to get back to work and work himself into oblivion. I just wrote a letter to Jack, on the advice of other people on this site. Does it help? I don't know. I'm just still in such a rage at the irony and unfairness of losing Jack that my grief and anger are so immense, I can't imagine anything chiselling away at it - except perhaps for the fact that I have a nine year old son who doesn't deserve to lose his brother to death and his mother and father to grief, so we don't really have a choice in the matter of "moving on." My heart goes out to all grieving parents - we all want to know: how could this have happened? how am I supposed to go on? And even how am I supposed to want to go on? Take it one day at a time, that's all I'm doing. I've been able to smile a couple times in the last few days, compliments of my other son, and my husband and I try to remember funny stuff about Jack to share, but that more often causes more tears. Take care of yourself.

Lulla27

[jpetersen]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It breaks my heart to know other people have to go through this too. Thanks for your reply. There is no way to know if what we are doing is right or wrong, and there will never be answers to all of our questions. I hope you and your husband are working hard at communicating, it's been hard for my wife and I, but we know we are there for each other. I don't think we will ever "move on." Life will go on and we have to be ready to be there for others, but hopefully time will slowly replace all this pain with the joy of the memories. I know in my short period of greiving it has gotten better. It still sucks, just not as bad. I hope you are able to find some peace and I am sure you son Jack will always want for you to have a great and joyful life. Take care!

Hi JPeterson - my son Jack passed away just three weeks ago and so I know the rawness that you're feeling. I'm trying to get myself out in public at least once a day, but I find myself resenting other peoples' normalcy and even their happiness. I'm a mom with lots of mom friends, and where we used to share stories about our children, I can't even bear to listen now. I get sad, hurt, angry. My son and I were tremendously close (he was only 14!) and so that void is massive. I do feel so bad for dads too. My husband deals with his grief differently than I do and I don' t know how to help him. I wail and sob and bang the bed and talk talk talk, but that isn't what he needs, even though he supports me in my grief. Everyone is different. I'm afraid he's going to get back to work and work himself into oblivion. I just wrote a letter to Jack, on the advice of other people on this site. Does it help? I don't know. I'm just still in such a rage at the irony and unfairness of losing Jack that my grief and anger are so immense, I can't imagine anything chiselling away at it - except perhaps for the fact that I have a nine year old son who doesn't deserve to lose his brother to death and his mother and father to grief, so we don't really have a choice in the matter of "moving on." My heart goes out to all grieving parents - we all want to know: how could this have happened? how am I supposed to go on? And even how am I supposed to want to go on? Take it one day at a time, that's all I'm doing. I've been able to smile a couple times in the last few days, compliments of my other son, and my husband and I try to remember funny stuff about Jack to share, but that more often causes more tears. Take care of yourself.

Lulla27