Supposed to be TWO!

[regannes_momma]

when i found out i was pregnant with twins, i was scared to death! but then i got used to the idea & got really excited. then we found out there were going to be problems. they had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. i went to cincinatti & had lazer surgery to cut the placenta in half, so that they would have a better chance of surviving. went back a week later and found out that one of my baby girls had passed away we were devistated! what made it worse, i had to keep her in my belly until my other baby girl was born. i could feel her everyday. it made it so hard to cope. i told myself that it was for the best because she was in a better place. then i have an emergency c section and reganne was born best day of my entire life. they let me see my other baby, jade, after they got reganne to the NICU. she looked so much like reganne. i regret not holding her or getting her prints, but i really didn't know how to deal with it or what to do... she passed on december 28, 2011. i can't stop thinking about her. when i look at reganne, i know there's supposed to be two of her. i'm happy to have reganne, but it just feels like somethings missing. i feel quilty b/c when i found out i was having twins, i kept thinkin in my head that there was no way i could handle TWO. i feel like god heard me, so it's my fault. and now i think, i KNOW i could of handled two. i can handle ANYTHING god throws at me. what was i thinking? i visit her often, but it just ain't the same. i want her here. i cry all the time. i can't look at twins. i have friends who have twins and i've deleted them off my facebook, so i didn't have to see i know my boyfriend is hurt too, but he just doesn't show it like i do. i make sure that reganne knows who her sissy is. we have pictures of angels everywhere and she calls them sissy. but why did this happen to me? i should of done this a long time ago, but i think i was scared. i think i need help....

[beckymaldonado]

I'm so sorry for ur loss I lost Eva a week before her due date and didn't realize then still had to deliver her it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I to was like u when I found out I was having a girl I said I couldn't do it cause all girls I no are cry babies but I would give almost anything to hear her cry see her smile all the things I should be doing with her right now I did have prints made and pictures taken but I can't look at them it hurts to much I haven't went to see her since Easter

I just can't bring myself to look at her little grave when she should be here with me

[lulla27]

when i found out i was pregnant with twins, i was scared to death! but then i got used to the idea & got really excited. then we found out there were going to be problems. they had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. i went to cincinatti & had lazer surgery to cut the placenta in half, so that they would have a better chance of surviving. went back a week later and found out that one of my baby girls had passed away we were devistated! what made it worse, i had to keep her in my belly until my other baby girl was born. i could feel her everyday. it made it so hard to cope. i told myself that it was for the best because she was in a better place. then i have an emergency c section and reganne was born best day of my entire life. they let me see my other baby, jade, after they got reganne to the NICU. she looked so much like reganne. i regret not holding her or getting her prints, but i really didn't know how to deal with it or what to do... she passed on december 28, 2011. i can't stop thinking about her. when i look at reganne, i know there's supposed to be two of her. i'm happy to have reganne, but it just feels like somethings missing. i feel quilty b/c when i found out i was having twins, i kept thinkin in my head that there was no way i could handle TWO. i feel like god heard me, so it's my fault. and now i think, i KNOW i could of handled two. i can handle ANYTHING god throws at me. what was i thinking? i visit her often, but it just ain't the same. i want her here. i cry all the time. i can't look at twins. i have friends who have twins and i've deleted them off my facebook, so i didn't have to see i know my boyfriend is hurt too, but he just doesn't show it like i do. i make sure that reganne knows who her sissy is. we have pictures of angels everywhere and she calls them sissy. but why did this happen to me? i should of done this a long time ago, but i think i was scared. i think i need help....

I'm so sorry to read your story regannes_momma. What an extraordinarily confusing time that must have been for you. I think it's wonderful that you have joined this site - I'm sure you'll find people whose situation you can relate to and who you can talk to for support. Do you have any access to professional support? My situation is very different from yours. I lost my beautiful 14 year old son just three weeks ago and the pain is seemingly insurmountable. I have a nine year old son as well, so I have to be strong and have no choice about whether or not I move along with my life, much like you have your daughter to raise. I have had one grief counselling session and obviously that hasn't done anything, but I am hoping that it will move me through this process in a healthy and reasonable way. You need to grieve, so whatever way works for you, on this site, with professional help, or with someone who has a REALLY sensitive and patient ear, you need to take care of this wound. Best wishes to you.

Lulla27 (Jack's Mom)

[cant move on]

Hi regannes momma, I'm truly sorry for your loss of Jade. I'm not a big God person but from what I learned about God when I was a kid I can't believe Jade was taken away because of anything you said. IMO she was taken away due to medical reasons only. Being triggered by twins has already cost you a friend, so I too believe it's time for professional help. Therapy really can help. It's helped me and it has helped many on the boards as well. Take care, and hope you keep in touch with us.

[AnaZ]

I am so sorry for your loss. Never feel that it was a punishment. I can't explain why things like this happen except for medical reasons. I have lost several children to miscarriage and that is painful enough, but my heart goes out to you for having had to carry her to delivery knowing she didn't make it. God be with you.