Older sister gone and...

[MartaC.T.]

Although my sister would join the rest of the family to celebrate milestones, she was a virtual recluse the rest of the time -- wouldn't return phone messages, answer the front door bell, etc. So, when her neighbors got concerned about mail and newspapers piling up on the front porch, they called the police, who broke down the back door and found my 61-year-old sister on the kitchen floor, in an advanced state of decomposition. Which means it's too late for an autopsy to find the cause of death; it's too late for my brothers and I to look at her body at rest, touch her hand, and say 'goodbye'; too late for anything but cremation and burial. The most I'll ever know about my sister's death is that she was holding a cup of coffee when she collapsed to the floor, and that she was all alone when she died.

The discovery of Paula's body happened just yesterday, so I'm reeling, I'm angry, I feel as though the earth has tipped on its axis, as though my brain is laying on its side, as if nothing will ever be 'right' again.

And, what really, really ticks me off is that I quit smoking (47 years) 15 days ago!

[ModKonnie]

Although my sister would join the rest of the family to celebrate milestones, she was a virtual recluse the rest of the time -- wouldn't return phone messages, answer the front door bell, etc. So, when her neighbors got concerned about mail and newspapers piling up on the front porch, they called the police, who broke down the back door and found my 61-year-old sister on the kitchen floor, in an advanced state of decomposition. Which means it's too late for an autopsy to find the cause of death; it's too late for my brothers and I to look at her body at rest, touch her hand, and say 'goodbye'; too late for anything but cremation and burial. The most I'll ever know about my sister's death is that she was holding a cup of coffee when she collapsed to the floor, and that she was all alone when she died.

The discovery of Paula's body happened just yesterday, so I'm reeling, I'm angry, I feel as though the earth has tipped on its axis, as though my brain is laying on its side, as if nothing will ever be 'right' again.

And, what really, really ticks me off is that I quit smoking (47 years) 15 days ago!

I am so very sorry about your older sister. Even if you knew what her cause of death was, would that really change much? What do you think happened? This has to be just shocking, but you will be able to get through this.

I can certainly relate to how pressured you feel about the non-smoking at this particular time, but you've made it this far and you can keep going. Are you thinking that you may give in to stress? Is that what is making you so angry? Can you divert your attention from smoking by doing something else?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie