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Boyfriend of 1 year passed... completely broken....


Calli19933

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****It has not been a year, thats how long we were dating.****

I am so completely alone. We were supposed to hang out on Monday, August 20th 2012, the day he passed away. He wrote me that morning at 8am, but I didn't see it until I woke up around 11 and he never wrote me back. He works construction with his grandfather. He was driving the backhoe, which my boyfriend walked under for some reason as his grandfather was about to use it. He pressed a wrong button, didn't know he was around and it caused him to black out and shortly after pass away.

The last time I talked to him and saw him in person was Saturday, August 18th at 4:00pm. The last words we told each other were ''I miss you''.. and ''I miss you too''.

I'm only a 19 year old girl. He turned 20 on July 13th. He had the rest of his life to live. And I certainly shouldn't of had to go through this, this young.

He was the only person that helped me build up my confidence. I NEVER had any before he came along. He made me not afraid of my hideous laugh, or my taco bell obsession. He made me feel so comfortable and loved, and I think I relied on him to boost me up too much. I wasn't expecting this to ever happen to him and I. I wasn't expecting to wake up Monday morning and not have my best friend and my boyfriend there to talk too through these things anymore. :(

His best friend has been with me through all of this, helping me deal and being there for me when I need to talk to somebody. But I'm going crazy. I feel so broken and alone, and depressed. And it's already been 13 days. I'm past denial, honestly. And I'm accepting that I won't ever see him again, but there's still unfortunately that one thing in the back of my mind saying ''Oh, you'll see him later on''....... And it's breaking my heart.

I don't wanna hear anything about puppy love and I'll get through it quick. I'm old enough to know the difference, and that's not what this was.

I was very much in love with him, and I'm trying so hard to get through this, but knowing that the guy I've shared my life with for a year, won't be with me anymore is upsetting.

I just need someone to talk too. Anyone that's been through this, in any form. Please.

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I'm sorry for your loss Calli, no I'm not going to say it's only puppy love and even it is it's still a loss. It's terrible when an accident or sudden death is involved, as it leaves no time for good bye. Just the way you speak of him tells me this was real. Please keep posting and I'm sure you'll find comfort and understanding here. And there are plenty you will meet who have suffered a sudden loss as you have.

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Oh so sorry for you. i knew my husband was ill, he was on oxygen 24/7 since april. i knew he had a hard time breathing. he was to get a sleep apnea mask and they didn't bring it.but i thought many of years left with him. he told me good night love you see you in the morning and we needed to go do some stuff the next day and then stop and have lunch out. well i was making noise and it didn't wake him so i thought wonder why he didn't get up yet to get on the computer and drink his coffee.so i went to check on him and i could tell he was gone. i was very upset with myself for not noticing earlier but i think it would had been to late any how. i have a sleep disorder so always woked up and would make sure he was breathing o.k. but i know nothing about that night, i don't remember anything.about that night. I am trying to get help counseling etc and reading books but i can't read nothing i read register right now. i was told you could cry a swimmng pool full but i think i am on at least 3 full pools. people says it will get better but i don't know as i miss him so much.and it hasn't gotten better yet. he died june 21

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Dear Calli, i am oh so sorry for your loss. Sudden death is very traumatic to the survivor. My husband, age 58, died in his sleep on July 5 2012, so recently. I can relate to your saying that he defined a huge part of you and made it okay to be yourself. Jerry was the same way to me. He validated me. My self esteem has always been a work in progress, in other words, my self esteem is low. Jerry accepted me the way i was. always told me i was beautiful even when i felt i wasn't. i feel like my whole world has been turned upside down as well. now i have to go it alone and am very scared. the night he died , it must've been shortly after he fell asleep. the coroner is doing an investigation. I think this is God's way of making us build our own identity and character. That's all i can figure out. Because so much of my life was dependent upon him, maybe i never really got to know myself. we were together 10 years. i too am lonely and heartbroken. keep posting on here; there is a lot of support and guidance and , for me, at a time when i am feeling soo lost, i guess it gives me a place to belong too. god bless you dear, val

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