immense sadness

[jennifersmom]

Hi,

I am new to this site. Today is 6 months since I lost my precious daughter. She was my world, my everything, my child and my best friend. I miss her so, so much and most of the time don't know how I am suppose to do this thing called life without her. She suffered from pneumonia on and off for the last 10 months of her life which leaves me so heartbroken. She was in the hospital a total of 4 months and the last 3 months was so sick she stayed with me and her dad as she could not care for herself. This really depressed her because she was so independent and adventurous, did not like sitting around. In the end, our main form of entertainment was watching movies and going out to eat. We were so, so close and spent so much time together. I just feel so lost and lonely without her. All birthdays and holidays were the 3 of us (she was also our only child). Jennifer had just turned 33 and had so many plans, her life was just beginning. And a part of me is so angry that her life was cut so short because she just could not get rid of the pneumonia, she was on so many antibiotics and had no immune system left. She did go peacefully, no struggle and I am thankful for that. I use to think everything happens for a reason and now I don't know. I use to think when it is your time, its your time and now I don't know. My b-day is Saturday and I am not looking forward to it because she is not here. She was always the one to make sure dad got flowers and they went shopping for gifts and cake. I have such a wonderful husband but I don't even feel like I am a good wife anymore even though he tells me I am. I just want my daughter and that is not gona happen. I am just so depressed, I feel every single emotion except any kind of happiness. I think about her constantly. I know I am just babbling, just so much in my head.

Thanks for listening