Overwhelmed with sadness

[arnoldsmb]

My husband died June 13, 2011. I can't get past the days when I can't seem to do anything but cry. He had

been sick so many times through the last 10 years of his life. Pancreas sugery, open heart surgery, hip replacement,

4 heart stints, many hospitalizations with diabetic problems, septic infections. Many times doctors would try to prepare

me that he wouldn't make it. But he did over and over. His last hospitazation was the Monday after Thanksgiving.

He had lost some of the blood flow to his foot. So the first week of December, began what would turn out to be

five operations to amputate toes then part of his foot. He came through it but his foot wouldn't heal. So then there

months of hyperbaric chamber visits, a wound vac hooked to his foot, days in a rehab facility. But then what had

happened before -- an infection and another hospitalization. About a week in, they carried him to ICU and the medicine

they had given him caused his kidneys to fail. Two months in ICU with him hooked to a portable kidney. He was weak

but he was improving. We were pulling for him just believing this was another close call. They moved him into a

Step Down unit for a week. He was so weak physically but strong of mind. Everything was going along ok. Then

they decided that because he was physically weak he would need a long recovery time. We were fine with that. So they

move him to a faciliity that can handle that. It was too soon. The move just bottomed out his blood pressure and

he died 3 days later.

Not to mention--2 days after our 28th anniversary.

How do I start completely over? We dated in high school, got married at 20, and he has been my world along with

my daughter who is 20. We have lived very close to his family and mine. But both of our parents on each side

have passed. Can you believe that I have not had 1 phone call from his brothers and sisters since the day he died?

My sister in law who never forgets a birthday didn't bother to send a birthday card to me as she has done for the 28 years

we were married. Does death really cut a person out of a family that I have been apart of since I was 15?

So now I feel so alone. My daughter is good to me but doesnt like to talk to me when I am crying. She keeps telling

me that I have to get a new life. How do I get a new life when I cant even cope with the loss of my best friend and

my only true family?

I really just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I have at times prayed to God that I just want to go to my husband

and parents because here I have no one. Please tell me how to get over this and even want to start a new start.

I sometimes think maybe I should choose a new place to live far away from so many memories. I live within a mile of

the high school we attended (and my daughter attended). A couple of miles from where we grew up.

Please Please someone that has made it through this please tell me what I need to do. Even though it has been 14 months,

many many days seem like it was yesterday.

Shay

[gunnerswife]

i am so sorry you are going through this but I am too. I just lost my hubby june21 2012. I found him in bed. I miss him so much. My heart breaks.Did you try counseling? I have a very nice lady counseler that listens to me cry. I also have a few people that listens to me cry on the phone.

[cant move on]

I'm so sorry for your loss Shay. I'm also sorry you're having such a hard time, unfortunately time really is the healer here, but councilling may help considerably. I also found face to face support groups helped a lot, this site also helps. There's a chat room room here that many use as well, I've never used it but from what I understand you just jump in and say hi.

No you don't lose his family or at least you certainly shouldn't, my brother died last year and I'm in constent contact with my sister in law, and even if she re marries, to me she'll always be my sister in law.

It sounds like your husband had an awful time towards the end, it's bad enough someone has to go but it's especially hurtful when they have a hard time. My wife suffered as well so I know some of what you went through.

Your daughter doesn't quite understand that you've lost your partner in life, no one can truly understand unless they've been through it. Everyone grieves differently and this also holds true with the lenght of grieving.

Please keep posting as it will help, and we all care about your progress as I'm sure you care about ours. Take care.

[mars1253]

Hi,I too am totally overwhelmed with sadness, my partner died on June 15th and this is my second time around. My husband died in 2001 after 34 years of marraige. I worked hard at not losing my mind when he passed away. I am having a harder time this go round, or so it seems. I need to remember that FEELILNGS AREN'T FACTS....For me the hardest part is letting go of how sorry I am for "him" that he passed away at a time where it should have been wonderful for him, retirement..... The could be , should be ,would be's.... that just aren't. I know that time heals the pain, but it doesn't feel like that right now. I have always been the "strong" one, if they only knew I am the one

sitting in the corner crying my eyes out... Just for today I don't know what happened to that Strength, I feel like the two year old that had her lollypop taken from her. I do know that it gets better, but for today I just need to cry and cry and cry......

thanx for listening.....

[arnoldsmb]

Mars,

I know what the crying is. Last night like many before, I couldn't sleep and I could not seem to stop crying. I am so sorry you have been through this twice. I can't begin

to imagine. Time they say is what helps. I guess it does but I think for me its going to take a long time. I probably cry more now than when it first happened. I know that

probably sounds strange but soon after his death I guess I was in shock. It did not feel real. And since my husband had been hospitalized for so long, my mind would

tend to believe he was there and I was just home for a little while. But now it is reality and that really hurts.

I am so sorry you have had to go through this. But the people on this website have been so supportive and reading their posts helps me to know that the feelings

I am having are similar to what others who are going through this are feeling.

And also to those who have read my posts I thank you for the support you have given me. It is truly appreciated.

I know we all can get through this. I know that because we had the love of our partners is the reason that losing them is so hard.

Hang in there.

Shay

[mars1253]

Shay

I remember with the passing of my first husband the second year was the worst, everything became REAL, all the denials and all the "1st" were over and it was pure and simply life on life's terms. I wish you peace and the time

when you can think of him with a smile instead of the pain. I know that happens, I am writing this to you so that I too can remember that this pain eases in time, just for today I am choking on it... I am glad to have a place to just

say how I feel today and I to know that I am not alone.

A peaceful night to all........