Extended Grief & Depression

[josephtmacgregor]

When does grieving become depression, and when is depression actually "just" grieving? i am severely depressed, seeing a doctor & counselor, on medication..but the pain associated with my depression is regarding the death of a family member and life long friend several years ago, the pain of which I never dealt with. Additionally the loss of a career for medical reasons, a career that defined the past 35 years of my life as a professional, but to me that matters less than the loved one(s) I have lost! I have the immense blessing of a truly loving and supportive family of my own. They say time dulls the pain of loss but when you choose to ignore the grieving process for a long time, and then it comes back to bite you.....what then?? I feel like a terrible failure as a husband, father, uncle, as a man, I have so many relying on me and the guilt of failing them is overwhelming. Rlelationships in my life are good and strong, but on some levels I feel like I am just going through the motions even though things seem ok from the outside. I have never felt this way in my life before- believe it or not I am a naturally optimistic person and always the mediator for others..not used to feeling so stuck in the trenches of negativity, or so needy of the help of a third party/counselor.

[val]

good question joe. when does grieving turn to depression and depression or its symptoms, just grieving? for me, i know i've been treated for depression long before jerry passed away. from your posts, our chats...well to be honest i think you supressed your grief for a long time and it is catching up with you. another loss i think you're dealing with is that of not working in the community as you were at one time. my counselor has me making a list of all my losses, which for me is a difficult exercise. this is all just my opinion of course, but i think you should consider keeping on with the counselor and as you can seek something to fill your time at home. You are blessed with a beautiful supportive family. Perhaps seeing your doctor and explaining your depression is another move to make at this point. I wish you a peaceful day Joe. Love your wife and family. Seems like you're sleeping better as i don't see you in chat everyday anymore. not sure. At any rate, i read your post and felt the need to respond. Peace to you, Val

[cant move on]

Hi Joe Requiring extra help does not make you needy, and being sick (and depression is an illness) does not make you a bad anything. Listen to Val when she suggests in her opinion you should see someone, I ignored my depression for so long it feels that I may never come out of it, although I know I will now that I'm getting help.

[student12]

Hello Joe. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am able to relate on a small level with the depression. After I read your post the first thing that came to my mind is PTSD....Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You said that the loss was from several yrs ago and you really have not dealt with it until now. That is where PTSD fits in. You might consider talking to your dr. about the PTSD. Depression goes along with that. Not very often is the "reason" for something just one thing. It is usually a combonation of several different factors. You may also want to check online under the "stages of grief" just for some personal knowledge. It may take some time and some trial and error but this is something that can be managed. I suffer from depression also and the loss of my mom effected me greatly.

When does grieving become depression, and when is depression actually "just" grieving? i am severely depressed, seeing a doctor & counselor, on medication..but the pain associated with my depression is regarding the death of a family member and life long friend several years ago, the pain of which I never dealt with. Additionally the loss of a career for medical reasons, a career that defined the past 35 years of my life as a professional, but to me that matters less than the loved one(s) I have lost! I have the immense blessing of a truly loving and supportive family of my own. They say time dulls the pain of loss but when you choose to ignore the grieving process for a long time, and then it comes back to bite you.....what then?? I feel like a terrible failure as a husband, father, uncle, as a man, I have so many relying on me and the guilt of failing them is overwhelming. Rlelationships in my life are good and strong, but on some levels I feel like I am just going through the motions even though things seem ok from the outside. I have never felt this way in my life before- believe it or not I am a naturally optimistic person and always the mediator for others..not used to feeling so stuck in the trenches of negativity, or so needy of the help of a third party/counselor.

[drinwi]

Hi Joe,

I am new here, lost my husband of four months on September 2nd. He was only 50 and it was very unexpected so I am still reeling.

I wanted to share with you that a friend that works at a large Hospice center sent me a couple of handouts yesterday. One of them contrasts grief and depression and the difference in the two following a loss. If you private message me, I would be more than happy to email that to you. If I knew how to attach it here I would do so but I'm not quite that computer savvy.

I hope you will take care of yourself, and continue to pursue healing on this journey. My heart is with you as I pursue that as well.

R

[immissingyou]

Supressing the grief can turn into depression in my eyes as I think you build such a deep hole for yourself, a pretense, that it makes it difficult to come out of. I too have been told to make a list of all the losses in my life, not matter how small or insignificant they may seem and it helps to put things into perspective. Facing the grief is one of the hardest and scariest things I've dealt with but once you do is when you finally begin to heal. I am so very sorry for your loss and hope that with dedication to help and the support of family you begin to heal.