4 Weeks Ago I Suddenly Lost My Mom

[wickedlilpixie]

Thanks

[BreathofAngel]

4 weeks ago, I said my last few words to my mom before I lost her. She was sitting in her favorite chair rubbing her chest and watching the olympics. I asked if she was okay and she replied it was only indigestion. I told her I was going to take a nap and I'd see her in an hour and that I loved her. An hour later, I found her laying on the couch and gone. She'd had a massive heart attack and went in her sleep. I am greatful for that. But of course I have moments of "what if", even though it's too late for that.

I'm the "baby" sister at almost 32 and have lived with mom my entire life, while my sisters are much older in their late 40's and early 50's. For them, they lost mom. For me, I lost my mom, my best friend, my confidant and my companion.

Last year mom had minor surgery and I became so afraid that she'd die, I developed intense agoraphobia and anxiety. For 3 months I couldn't leave our apartment. I've been making progress since then, but now since she died I feel like I'm back at square one but alone.

I am by no means "alone" I have 3 older sisters, a fiance and great friends and neighbors but it's not the same. I've never lived alone, and now I am living in our apartment without mom. I can handle small spats (3 hours) of being alone, but the silence without her breaks my heart.

I've had to have someone in the family stay with me overnight and if they couldn't, I stay over at my neighbors. I tried staying overnight alone last week and I just kept picturing her the way I found her and had to stay at my neighbors. Today is the first day I have been without a family member, it sucks.

People keep asking me how I'm feeling and really all I can say is that this sucks. It truly sucks, I miss my mom so much and now in hindsight I realize that I depended on her a bit too much. But at the same time, I am glad that I got to spend so much time with her.

I find that I cry at "weird" moments, the first 2 weeks I cried constantly and could hardly eat. Now, I cry when I am journaling or I see a commerical that reminds me of her. I can't bring myself to watch anything she did, or listen to music she loved.

I'm doing better then I was, but this just hurts so much and it DOES suck.

Beloved Natasha, You have come to the right place where you are amongst friends who truly understand what you are going through right now. It is most difficult to lose a Mother above anyone else because she is the one who carries you for nine months right under her heart and loves and nourishes and protects you in the best way that she can during your formative years and beyond. When she is gone there is that extreme void left in us as the very life-force of our being seems to have been ripped out of us and that is the hardest thing to have to cope with. There is no doubt that all of the loving things she did for you will remain in your memory forever. Those are the treasured and prized memories that nobody can ever take away from you as they are yours to keep!

Yes, the reality of the situation is that not every sibling acts or thinks as the other one does. Each one seems absorbed in their own thoughts and way of thinking about the situation. But fortunately, your Mom had YOU! You were there for her always and when the time came for her to depart as her mission in this world was completed, she left with that very thought in mind that you were the one who was there with her in her final moments and told her that you loved her. With those very kind words she could move on in peace. So do not blame yourself for thinking you could have done more because God makes no mistakes. He is omniscient, all-knowing, and He is the one who gives us our life and the one who claims it back when He is ready for us to return to spirit. Therefore, know that your dear and lovely Mom is resting comfortably in the arms of Jesus!

There may come moments of despair and sadness but know that just as they come they will leave as nighttime appears also at the end of the day but then we see a bright new sun and glorious morning the next! And your dear Mom is only gone in physical body. Her new and wonderful Spiritual Body is showing her in all of her splendor and grace! She is not alone. God embraces her in His Divine arms as the fine lady that He created with such a loving heart and that he took back at her appointed time to be with Him forever. What better place could she truly be than in the loving arms of our LORD.

May God bless you always, my (((((((dearest))))))) for you are not alone. Your Mom is with you still and so is God! And we are here for you too so come and be with us as your friends and together we will pray for a better and more peaceful tomorrow for you and your loved ones.

[gratoe]

I also recently lost my mom , On Aug 9th to be exact, Our lives have many parallels, while Im 43 I am also the youngest, and I married late and lived with my mom then when my mom was older she moved in with myself and my husband. I lost my mom suddenly due to a sudden onset of Pancreatitis. I loved my mom so much and like you she was more than my mom she was my best friend, a friend I hope so see again. I am in the midst of heavy grief, and understand where you are coming from. there are times I feel ok and then im a wreck again.

I am comforted as you are by her memory but also feel pain when I think of things. I want you to know that your relationship with your mom was unique , no two people have the same thing with each other, and you know how special it was. The more special and close the greater the loss. I often told my mom : you know mom I would say I love you so much but one day I will pay for that super close relationship with alot of grief for the loss I will feel. I really appreciate your story because it resonates with me and what I am feeling , and I want you to know other people are feeling what you are feeling. Feel your grief and allow yourself time to heal, dont put a time line on it, but dont isolate yourself either. I am also taking this advice.

Thanks for sharing your mom's story.

Gratoe

[wickedlilpixie]

I also recently lost my mom , On Aug 9th to be exact, Our lives have many parallels, while Im 43 I am also the youngest, and I married late and lived with my mom then when my mom was older she moved in with myself and my husband. I lost my mom suddenly due to a sudden onset of Pancreatitis. I loved my mom so much and like you she was more than my mom she was my best friend, a friend I hope so see again. I am in the midst of heavy grief, and understand where you are coming from. there are times I feel ok and then im a wreck again.

I am comforted as you are by her memory but also feel pain when I think of things. I want you to know that your relationship with your mom was unique , no two people have the same thing with each other, and you know how special it was. The more special and close the greater the loss. I often told my mom : you know mom I would say I love you so much but one day I will pay for that super close relationship with alot of grief for the loss I will feel. I really appreciate your story because it resonates with me and what I am feeling , and I want you to know other people are feeling what you are feeling. Feel your grief and allow yourself time to heal, dont put a time line on it, but dont isolate yourself either. I am also taking this advice.

Thanks for sharing your mom's story.

Gratoe

So sorry for your loss Gratoe, don't you hate hearing that? I can't isolate myself, I'm too social to do that but I actually physically fear being alone right now because there was always my mom on the couch to talk to. I hate the silence of it all, the sudden silence.

[samanthaa]

Hi. I recently just lost my grandma (my mom's mom) to pancreatic cancer. I am only a teenager. I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. My grandma was mine and my mom's confidante, shopping buddy, and best friend. It was so sudden as well:only 8 and 1/2 months. She was exercising, going shopping, and coming over our house and then she was stricken with this terrible disease. It is very difficult to cope with such a huge loss. I feel your pain and if you need anyone to talk to, you could talk to my mom who is going through the same thing as you. Please write back soon. Thank you. Samantha (mom-Jayne)

[wickedlilpixie]

Hi. I recently just lost my grandma (my mom's mom) to pancreatic cancer. I am only a teenager. I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. My grandma was mine and my mom's confidante, shopping buddy, and best friend. It was so sudden as well:only 8 and 1/2 months. She was exercising, going shopping, and coming over our house and then she was stricken with this terrible disease. It is very difficult to cope with such a huge loss. I feel your pain and if you need anyone to talk to, you could talk to my mom who is going through the same thing as you. Please write back soon. Thank you. Samantha (mom-Jayne)

My condolences to you Samantha and well to your mother.