Members val Posted August 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2012 i am really going through it again today. i lost my husband/partner, jerry paul gard, in his sleep on July 5 2012. I am so overwhelmed with dealing with Coroner's ofice, not getting any answers. I have a life insurance policy to submit but alas it's contestability clause allows them to contest it if issued within first two years of issuance. the issue date on it is july 1 2012. they will most certainly contest it; i fear i will get nothing. we went from two incomes to just mine and i am scared i will not be able to take care of all financially. i feel physically ill thinking about this. jer died so suddenly and all i have so far is a pending death cert., alot of bills and grief. Jerry and i regarded each other as husband and wife and were getting married around xmas time. i have my engagement ring on my hand where it will remain forever. i JUST AM NOT GETTING OVER THIS. i am also in the process of selling his car, which just represents, to me, another piece of jerry gone. His friend put it on craig's list for me ; i need the money. we've gotten a few calls who want to see and drive it. now i have to go through that. i don't know how to sell a car, to negotiate it. i will try and have one of his friends be here when i do so. I am just so overwhelmingly sad again today. Lost it at work yesterday. left an hour early. i just am not coping well, yet everyone tells me i am being too hard on myself. thing is electric co., comcast, rent, car insurance, they don't care i've gone from two incomes to just mine. how do i cope with all this stuff that needs to be paid, sold etc. while i am grieving. i cannot ask family for financial support, or rather am too proud to. i feel like hell starts the minute i wake up and continues all day. i've been trying to work full time during this and as i work in a mental health setting, with a lot of folks with drug and alcohol usage,, well they come to me for help and support.i am taking today off; i'll use a paid vacation day because i cannot deal with one more homeless, foodless, electricless person. i just cannot. i feel like it may soon be me sitting on the other side of the table or worse yet on the psych unit (which is another part of my job too, visiting those people with their mental problems and drug problems).i am still having trouble sleeping, wake up too early with fear, dread and anxiety. go to chat room. chat room helps alot. i'll stop rambling now. just know i miss my husband jerry more than i can bear. he was my recovery partner, life partner, ...we had plans for our life together. i thought having the memorial would provide some closure but it really didn't. everybody says 'call me if you need anything' and then when you do, where are they? i feel so alone again, in tears, val Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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