Members rozie123 Posted August 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 I lost both my parents last year. My mom, who was a 3 time breast cancer survivor, became sick in 2010 for about 8 months, going to doctor after doctor with no definitive answer. She continued to waste away, until she was eventually hospitalized in February 2011. They did some tests, said she had a bowel blockage and scheduled surgery for the next day. After 10 minutes, the surgeon came to the waiting room and told us that her lower intestines were full of cancer tumors (likely the breast cancer spread). So we knew she was not going to survive long. She fought, though. She wanted so much to live, for herself (of course) and for my dad. My mother was my father's sole caregiver. He had Alzheimer's and was declining.Well, this of course does not have a happy ending. My mother fought it, went to Rehab but kept being sent back to the hospital because of dehydration. Finally she agreed to go on Hospice. Unfortunately when she came home she became very belligerent and difficult, especially with her loved ones and my father who just fell apart. He fell and was taken to the hospital. My mother never saw him again.She died at home on May 31st.My dad came home from rehab but continued to be uncooperative. He didn't know she had died but I think he did. He never asked about her. After he came home from the hospital they put him on hospice 2 days later. They eventually put him in the hospital to get his medications right. He came home on a Friday, ate lunch, and never ate a meal again. He slept (probably from the drugs). Anyway, he lasted for about a week and died on May 14th.I grieved so much for my mother before she died, I didn't think I had any grieving left in me. But now, almost 1 1/2 years later, I am still grieving. Not as acutely, though I think about her all the time. My father, well, I grieve for him too, but have come to accept his death as inevitable as well, and probably a blessing, as he would have likely been in a nursing home for the rest of his life.I cared for both of them, my mother when she got sick and died, and my father. I was the one who had to settle their estate and pay the bills, sell the house (which took 10 months. It was torturous. I have siblings but one lives in California and the other in Florida. My sister did come up from Florida and stayed from March until August. My brother came for about 10 days to help care for my mother and of course for the funerals.I know people say that grieving is very personal and is different for everyone but I still can''t believe it hurts so much one year later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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