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Lost my father this month.


lifewithtesa

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lifewithtesa

These last couple of months have been pretty horrific. On June 3 I had emergency surgery...loosing almost 2 liters of blood, 3 weeks later I loose my grandfather and then 3 weeks after that loss I loose my father. I feel tremendously lost. My dad was my best friend...almost talking to him daily and now... there is a possible malpractice suit gonna happen....Kaiser dragged their feet. I watched my father die drowning to death slowly because his aortic heart valve was not working....see this is something that surgery can take care of but Kaiser waited for almost 2 months to even do a angioplasty on him...and that was after he had been in the hospital for 3 days. The previous week he had been in the ER 3 times trying to get them to help....he could not breathe at all. My dad suffered greatly. Watching as he slowly dies a horrific death...with organ after organ shutting down. I wake in the middle of the night with night terrors of this. Saddness, anger, exhaustion, fear....so many different emotions going on non-stop. I keep hearing I have to go through this...that it will eventually feel a bit better. All I know is that I want nothing more than to talk to my dad.

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These last couple of months have been pretty horrific. On June 3 I had emergency surgery...loosing almost 2 liters of blood, 3 weeks later I loose my grandfather and then 3 weeks after that loss I loose my father. I feel tremendously lost. My dad was my best friend...almost talking to him daily and now... there is a possible malpractice suit gonna happen....Kaiser dragged their feet. I watched my father die drowning to death slowly because his aortic heart valve was not working....see this is something that surgery can take care of but Kaiser waited for almost 2 months to even do a angioplasty on him...and that was after he had been in the hospital for 3 days. The previous week he had been in the ER 3 times trying to get them to help....he could not breathe at all. My dad suffered greatly. Watching as he slowly dies a horrific death...with organ after organ shutting down. I wake in the middle of the night with night terrors of this. Saddness, anger, exhaustion, fear....so many different emotions going on non-stop. I keep hearing I have to go through this...that it will eventually feel a bit better. All I know is that I want nothing more than to talk to my dad.

Lifewithtesa,

I am so very sorry about your loss of your father. To see him suffer, and to know something could have been done just makes it even harder. My father suffered tremendously in the last few months of his life, and it was really tough to deal with.

As they all tell you, it will feel better in time, but it's dealing with the here and now that gets so rough at times. My father will be gone three years tomorrow. At first, I couldn't think of him without crying my head off. I longed to his his voice. Now, I can actually sit and think of him and "hear" him saying things to me when I need him to.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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I feel the pain of your loss. I am finally starting to decompress from not feeling anything at all for weeks and I keep thinking that I am going to wake up. Feels like a hole is punched right through the middle of me. I stood there watching everybody in pain during the end at home and subsequent funeral. My heart tore for my ma. I found it easier to focus on helping her rather than feel the pain. Now I am back home and I am having a lot of trouble making sense out of my feelings. I have tried to remain analytical and it is no longer working. How have you coped with the loss of your father? I know time heals all wounds I just do not have a fast forward button. Do you ever find yourself putting thoughts of him out of your head? I have to do this at times, I feel, just to drag myself through a day. I try to remain strong for my grand baby whom I spend many hours a day with. i find myself telling her about many of the things and experiences we had. She is only 6 months old and I know she cannot really understand my words yet though she knows my voice and orients her eyes on mine. I feel terrible to cry when I am with her. She will merely grab my face with her little hands and bump her head to mine. I expected to have some feelings after weeks of standing tall for my ma and family. I just never expected it like this. I can hardly concentrate.Any suggestions you might have to help get me through the day and sleepless nights I would appreciate from the the very depths of my heart. I been wearing out my shoes pacing just to try and burn off enough energy to sleep and it is not working. It is really hard to be sensitive in the society we now live in. I know that it has greatly affected me and just do not know where to direct my thoughts. I cannot stay focused and really just do not know what to feel or think for that matter. please any advice I would welcome I cannot ask those around me as they have not ever dealt with any sort of death in their family. Richard

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Lifewithtesa,

I am so very sorry about your loss of your father. To see him suffer, and to know something could have been done just makes it even harder. My father suffered tremendously in the last few months of his life, and it was really tough to deal with.

As they all tell you, it will feel better in time, but it's dealing with the here and now that gets so rough at times. My father will be gone three years tomorrow. At first, I couldn't think of him without crying my head off. I longed to his his voice. Now, I can actually sit and think of him and "hear" him saying things to me when I need him to.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Dearest Lifewithesa,

You have been through so much. Time will slow down, never get back to 'normal' but you have a 'journey' to pursue as did your father. Lost my dad 3 months ago yesterday. Seeing him dying & 'realizing' that that's what was happening was/is surreal. I received soooo many 'visions' & blessing his last week of life but I would 'give it ' all back to have my dad here (minus the damn dementia). Acceptance seems like it's so far away. I know withe the Grieving process we go back & forth in the steps. Why do we do this???? It's very painful. My dad (& my mom) was/is 93 yr. old. I, of course, knew the Day would come for one but he was healthy one week & ill with pneumonia the next then Transitioned. I cry just about every day. I have my mom to console too.which is hard. I have learned that Grief is the product of Love. Guess that's the way us humans were made. Good luck on your Journey. Redheads...

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