so much rage

[andy sager]

JUst found this site last night and the folks in live chat were very kind,but nother seems to stop my pain and rage.I lost my 15 year old son Triston 5 weeks ago in a car "accident" where my daughter's ex boy friend was driving.I found out he was texting my daughter suicide threats and such in the week leading up to the "accident " the driver was driving with my son and his friend in a modified Bronco with no back seat and no seatbelts for either child but the driver was strapped in,he was doing 80+ miles an hour went into the ditch and jumped a t intersection into an large embankment my son was flown to a trauma hospital were he died,the other boy was thrown from the truck and will be ok after some broken bones heal the driver walked away and was talking on his cell phone and smoking a cigarette when the sheriff's arrived.I have so much anger and I have noway to vent it,my wife is worried about me and very few people can even look at me anymore.He shows no remorse and I can't seem to find enough control.Please somebody tel me what I can do.

[tantraman8]

JUst found this site last night and the folks in live chat were very kind,but nother seems to stop my pain and rage.I lost my 15 year old son Triston 5 weeks ago in a car "accident" where my daughter's ex boy friend was driving.I found out he was texting my daughter suicide threats and such in the week leading up to the "accident " the driver was driving with my son and his friend in a modified Bronco with no back seat and no seatbelts for either child but the driver was strapped in,he was doing 80+ miles an hour went into the ditch and jumped a t intersection into an large embankment my son was flown to a trauma hospital were he died,the other boy was thrown from the truck and will be ok after some broken bones heal the driver walked away and was talking on his cell phone and smoking a cigarette when the sheriff's arrived.I have so much anger and I have noway to vent it,my wife is worried about me and very few people can even look at me anymore.He shows no remorse and I can't seem to find enough control.Please somebody tel me what I can do.

[tantraman8]

OMG Andy,

First, as a father who lost his son this past April 25th, your extreme pain and rage make so much sense! I don't know how you could not be feeling them after just losing Tristan! At least for me, losing a child, and my son was 37, has been the worst, most painful loss I have ever experienced. And, Tristan was only 15! And, the driver was acting both dangerously and abusively and showed no remorse. My son died of an accidental overdose. He used to call me several times a week and now I will never hear his voice again or hug him, or go walleye fishing with him.

My words feel so inadequate, as I type them, but I HAD to respond as a DAD. If I had lost Josh the way you lost Tristan, MY RAGE would be homicidal! I wouldn't do it.... too many reasons why not, none the least being my three surviving children, but, under the circumstances.... the way it happened, as his DAD, how can you NOT be feeling rage right now??? When I describe the pain of losing Josh, the image that comes to me is of my chest/heart being blown apart. There have been times when I've been sobbing, when, even though he was 37, my hand is on my heart and I'm sobbing, "my baby, my baby!" At least for me, no matter how old a child is, it feels like losing one of your babies.

I am a newbie to this site, as well. One of the things that helps me here is that, unlike the chat room, I find fellow moms and dads here, some who are WAY FURTHER down the healing path than I. For me, they understand in a way others DO NOT and sometimes, when they respond to my posts, I feel understood, consoled, and a little hope.

But Andy, there are days when NOTHING helps. That's how HUGE losing a child is. (tears here). I do know, that I would/will not survive this without the love and support of others. There are days when the pain is so bad, I'm not sure I'll survive it, even with support. But, for the most part, I want to. I KNOW JOSH would want me to live a happy, healthy life and to feel joy again. I believe Tristan would want that for you. But, right now, joy is almost non-existent for me. At five weeks, I was back at work, grateful for the structure, but like now, always with a TIDAL WAVE of grief coming up at unpredictable times.

I'm going to close for now. Maybe other parents on here will respond with more than I can offer. But, as a DAD..... I had to let you know how much sense your pain and sadness make to me. I'm going to continue to read and post in this room. I'll look for you and respond if you're OK with it.

Sincerely,

David

[Jilly's mom]

Andy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Triston. If you post his story on "Loss of an adult child" thread, you will find many walking your path. Rage and anger are normal natural reactions to losing our children. So are a variety of other emotions. This site has saved my sanity many nights after losing my daughter in a car accident 9 months ago. Please come back and tell us all about your precious boy.

[shorty16]

Tuscon David

I too have another to blame for the death of my 16 year old son Brian from car-surfing on 6-19-2008.

I carried the rage and hate with me for over 2 years, until I no longer had the energy. I had to choose between life with my surviving family or prison because I would harm the driver.

In the eyes of the law, you will lose if you harm this young man.

We stayed away from where the driver worked, played, lived, etc.

Our family took short trips and I engrossed myself in my job.

This young man did not come through this un-scathed.

This young man will never be able to erase what he did and it will get worse for him before it gets better. The older he gets, the longer he has to think about it.

Hang on my friend.

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever

[andy sager]

Thank you all so much