Mom/Grandma sick, given 6 months

[Christina098red]

My mother-in-law (54 years old) has terminal heart failure and has been given a 6-month prognosis. I know I probably don't belong here yet, but I feel like I have to prepare my family somehow. Even though she and I have not always seen eye-to-eye, I've known her for more than half my life (dh and I were high-school sweethearts). I have always appreciated what a great Mom and Grandmother she is. We have two girls, ages 11 & 8. She has always been there to help us with the girls, in fact, she is more like a 2nd mom to them than anything. My kids adore her, and because I work, spend almost as much time at their grandparents house as at home. I am so thankful that they are able to have a close relationship with her, but I know the grief will be tremendous, especially at an age where so many things are getting complicated and changing for them already.

I have cried a few times already. I have relied on her and taken comfort in knowing my girls have another mom figure to nurture and guide them....now they will only have me. That is a scary thought. I worry if I will be enough to guide them through their teenage years...and guide me too; My own mom is very disabled. My husband is a wonderful father, but we are talking about two girls! I feel like I will have to somehow fill that void, she just does soooo much for them. I guess I just feel scared at the loss of family support from a mother in my life.

My MIL has not announced her illness or prognosis to the entire family, only to my FIL, husband and me. She goes in for an echocardiogram this Friday and plans to get the family together this weekend and explain what's happening. Right now she is watching our girls 3 days a week while I work, as I said, they are very close. I feel like I see this freight train of grief heading right at my kids and can't get them off the tracks or stop the train. It has not become a reality for my husband yet. Not only that, but I imagine the anticipatory grief throughout her dying process will be an emotional rollercoaster for everyone.

I just don't know how to cope with all of this, I know there's no manual; I'm dreading this weekend.

Thanks for listening.

Christina

[Daffodilfun]

I know what you are facing is tough. Probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. You seem to be facing it straight on, but still the emotions are there. What you are going through is normal. No one knows how they will react at death. Once everyone knows about the illness and the upcoming events I believe a talk to the children will be very important for you and the rest of the family. Grandma should have a talk with everyone also. If there is a belief in the after life having time with a minister may give you strength and comfort. It is alright and normal to cry, ask why and even get angry. All of you need to have that release. When grandma is gone those emotions will return but knowing it is OK will help.

I am rambling, but I have been through this and I know how hard it is and how hard it will be. Keep in touch.

Sally