Members cgd Posted August 13, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 It has been three weeks tomorrow since I lost my wife. We were together for 40 years. First as best friends, then roommates, then live-in girlfriend then wife. We met when I was 17 and 57 when she passed. She had just turned 59. We had come home form Las Vegas to celebrate her birthday. She wasn't feeling well. Took her to the hospital and two hours later she was gone. Aneurysm. I am totally lost. I am doing the "what if". What if I brought to the hospital sooner? Did I do everything possible? I miss her so much. We did everything together. We did not socialize with others except family now and then. We were happy just to be with each other. She retired four years ago and I four months ago. We had such plans. We had the time and the money to do what we wanted. But all our hard work means nothing without her. I cried for a week straight every waking minute. I walked through the house calling her name. It got so bad a neighbor called the police to come check on me. However I still am crying several times a day everyday. My whole goal was to make a good life for us and make sure she was happy. I have never felt such pain. It reaches down to the very bottom of my existence. I am now just waiting for my turn (natural) until we can be together again. I haven't left the house since it happened. I can't even read the newspaper because it reminds me of how we would sit at the table reading and having coffee. I have no hobbies and no friends to hang out with. Never did the boys night out and not into sports. I am alone and scared. What if I live another 30 + years? I don't think I could stand it. This makes me feel guilty because I am thinking about me and not her. The mornings are the worst. I wake up and for a second think that she is getting coffee ready. Then I realize she is gone and the wave of grief comes over me just as hard as when I saw the Doctors face when he came to tell me she passed. I stay up late to avoid going to bed. Other times I find myself just starring at the wall. I want her back so bad. For 33 + years my whole career was helping others and this is my reward? Unbearable pain? Who is going to help me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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