Not an adult ... not a child

[MBN]

I'm not sure exactly where to post. My son was just barely 18 years old -- on the cusp of adulthood. Not a young child, but hardly grown up yet. He died on June 7 in a car accident. He was with three friends, out for an afternoon of swimming and fishing at an Everglades fish camp on the first day of summer vacation. The driver went a little too fast on the narrow gravel road, skidded, overcorrected, and the car slid off of the narrow shoulder, flipping over into 4 feet of water and muck. Rescuers managed to save the other three who were fine, but my Nathan was trapped for too long and drowned before they could upright the truck and get him out. Up to then, we had lived almost a charmed life -- but that afternoon, everything turned inside out.

My friends say that I'm so strong ... that I'm handling it better than they would. I'm not sure what that really means. I have so many things to be be thankful for ... a loving husband, an older son who is doing awesome in college, a loving and supportive family, friends, and church family. We have good jobs and no financial worries. Our relationship with Nathan was awesome, and we had no "unfinished business" there. We did everything for him, we loved him, and knew he loved us. He had a GREAT life, short though it was. I know that Nathan is in heaven and our separation is only temporary. He's in a awesome place -- where we strive all of our lives to go. Yet ... my heart breaks, knowing I won't see him again in this life. We became empty nesters overnight.

I do all I can to focus on the positive. I'm systematically working through our home, doing the things I had planned to do when the kids left home -- decluttering, painting and a little re-decorating. It feels good to bring order to the chaos, to take control of my environment. I'm making an inviting place for family and friends to visit, so that we can have a full house as often as possible. I got a rescue adult kitty to love -- something I couldn't do when Nathan was alive due to his severe allergies. I'm active in my church, I work full time. I work out. I try to eat right and get enough sleep. Most of the time, I function well. Sometimes I feel OK inside, and wonder what is wrong with me, that I can get over the grief so soon? And then there are other times when the sadness overtakes me and I wonder if I'll ever truly get over it.

Tuesday marked two months since Nathan's death. I'm sitting here at work, unable to focus on what I should be doing. Intellectually, I know I'll be OK. But emotionally sometimes, it seems that the sadness will never end. I trust that time will help and that God has a plan in all of this (although I can't fathom what that is right now).

Thanks for listening.

[westleysmom]

MBN-First I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. Nathan sounds like a complete dear and I'm sure you miss him every moment, even the good moments that you manage. My only son Westley(I also have a 26 year old daughter) died January 13, 2010 in his sleep on a friend's couch. He would have been 21 on January 19th of 2010. I got a hysterical call from the friend early that morning, she had tried to wake him so he could get to work, and she couldn't. We rushed to the hospital following the ambulance, but they couldn't save him. We became empty nesters overnight too, and did work on the house and got a new kitty cat and wondered what had become of our charmed life as well. Westley had a time from when he was mid-teens up until he died that we didn't always get along, there were lots of fights and harsh words, we were so worried about him and lived in fear of a car crash, of which he had many during that time and never had a scratch on him. Walked away from all of them with no injuries. Go figure. I don't want to be too mysterious, Westley had had a couple of beers and taken a prescription painkiller which combination was the cause of his death. He had also been diagnosed with sleep apnea, which I believe contributed. By the way, when I called my high school best friend to tell her about Westley that morning on our way to the funeral home to make arrangements, she burst into tears. She told me that her son Andrew, who was a year younger than Westley, had died at a new year's party, pretty much the same circumstances, 12 days earlier. She hadn't called me because I suppose she was in shock. We live 2 or 3 hours away from each other and usually only corresponded by letter. Andrew and Westley didn't ever meet, but she and I have been there for each other since we lost the boys. I found this place and the Loss of Adult Child forum that summer of 2010 and have been here ever since, sometimes I don't post much, but I try to keep in touch with everyone. Don't let the Loss of Adult Child title scare you off, Westley wasn't exactly an adult, he still lived at home like your Nathan. Several of the posters on the forum had children younger than Westley, some a lot older. However long we had them, though, it was never enough. All of the people on there understand, and have been where you are, and support each other. It is a very hard row to hoe that we have before us, and its our row. If you feel like posting on Loss of Adult Child, I think you will find the same support and caring that I did and it has helped me through some very hard times. I know I have talked a lot about me, but I want to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss.

[hotrod]

Dear MBN

I am so sorry to read of the loss of your precious son Nathan Rhonda, Westley's mom has just shared such in depth information about this site and the power of sharing on the Adult Child section, that I would just like to second her recommendation.

I too lost my only son and child, Stephen over 5 years ago and finding this supportive group of grieving parents helped to restore me to a sense of sanity and acceptance

.

This is not an easy road and we cannot do it alone. I posted pictures in the Gallery section when I was able and that gave me another reason to concentrate on developing a small memorial for Stephen It works

Please keep coming back There is hope.