Members val Posted August 4, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 4, 2012 it is early am. here on East Coast and I woke up alone, again today. I lost my spouse on July 5 2012. I hardly remember the past month because I've cried through most of it. No drugs , no alcohol. Just hard cold reality that my soulmate is gone. I now sleep with his box of cremains, his favorite shirt and bathrobe, oh and a baby stuffed turtle we've had around for years because I nicknamed him "turtle" a long time ago. Feelings on this date? Alone, loneliness, unbelieveability, sorrow, lack of grace, and overwhelming PAIN. I feel like my life will never be the same and the very scary part is: it will not. He will not be in it. Not in the way I want him in it. He made me laugh, smile, told me I was beautiful. We have/had a wonderful ten year relationship. I feel everything is thrown up in the air and I am waiting for dust to settle. I am planning a Memorial for him in the backyard where just a month ago WE were cleaning it up for a nice barbecue. He died in his sleep of unknown causes. I need a lot of support on this day and although I've been seeing a counselor and going to bereavement support groups, the groups only depress me further. I already suffer from clinical depression. I am reaching out for support to the group here. I find the chat room helps me but alas it is empty right now. Please help. valerie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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