Not able to move forward

[littlemo20201]

Im new here, and Im hoping that maybe someone can give me some advise how to move forward without my husband. He had Brain Tumor in June of 2011, and I lost him in January 2012 and Im so lost without him. We always made decisions together and I find myself not able to do that anymore. Im lost and I dont know how to move forward. I have been very depressed and finally asked for help from our doctor for that, but Im still struggling with moving forward to live life without him. We were married for 11 wonderful years and he was the love of my life, my best friend!!!

My family and friends all try and help me through rough days, but they dont understand what Im feeling inside, and Im hoping someone out there can help me to understand what to do. I dont want to go anywhere because my husband and I use to go there. Is that normal?? Please help if you can.

[widower2]

Hi and I'm so sorry for your loss. My first suggestion is to browse through the posts here; I think you will find various "kindred spirits" who can very much relate to what you're experiencing, even though the specifics of their situations may vary (I do know there are at least a few around who lost a loved one to brain cancer and one who's husband has it currently FYI). My second is I'm not sure what "help from your doctor" means but it sounds like some anti-depressant meds - nothing wrong with that per se but that's IMO more of a band-aid for a larger wound. Don't get me wrong, if it helps, great, but I would recommend trying a support group/therapy or a grief counselor, which is distinctly different from a garden variety psychologist/etc. I'm guessing you need to unload and try to sort some of this mess out with someone who really "gets it." At the very least the people here do generally I think, and I hope you find it helpful.

As for "normal," there is no norm when it comes to dealing with this. Or perhaps better to say it's all "normal." You are unique and therefore so is how you deal with it. Don't do the contrast-and-compare thing; it's pointless. Do your best and go with what works.

Best to you in this darkest of times. Vent here anytime......oh also a few of us sometimes gather in the chat thing above (typically evenings) if that interests you.

[csimms3]

Your experience sounds like mine. My husband was diagnosed in July 2011 and died in February 2012. He died of a brain tumor as well. After an unsuccessful surgery, myself and his parents cared for him at my home and it was a long tiring and stressful road. Saw some really scary things that I have a hard time getting out of my mind some days. It's rough when you see someone you love lose function after function that you or I take for granted. We were married for almost 8 years but together for almost 12. We were also close, but got even closer through this horrible experience. Made it that much harder when he passed, although I am glad that he is no longer suffering. I have great friends that allow me to cry and get my feelings out, but you are right they don't really understand how we feel. I think only someone who has gone through it can. I do go out but find it hard sometimes because it feels like everything reminds me of him. My parents wanted me to vacation with them at a spot where my husband and I used to go and I couldn't do it. Too many good memories that hurt me right now. I am now on anti-depressants because I would spend innumerable hours in the quiet just crying and feeling horrible. The pills have helped me with my sadness. It does not feel as intense. Tomorrow I am going to see a grief counselor. Hope it helps. Sometimes it just feels like I don't belong anywhere and I am looking for some meaning and purpose. I try to keep myself busy with friends and my church group. All we can do is keep moving and hope that one day we feel normal again. I also find it helpful sharing on this site and seeing that someone else actually feels the way I do and can relate. I feel for your pain and understand it. My prayers are with you!

Im new here, and Im hoping that maybe someone can give me some advise how to move forward without my husband. He had Brain Tumor in June of 2011, and I lost him in January 2012 and Im so lost without him. We always made decisions together and I find myself not able to do that anymore. Im lost and I dont know how to move forward. I have been very depressed and finally asked for help from our doctor for that, but Im still struggling with moving forward to live life without him. We were married for 11 wonderful years and he was the love of my life, my best friend!!!

My family and friends all try and help me through rough days, but they dont understand what Im feeling inside, and Im hoping someone out there can help me to understand what to do. I dont want to go anywhere because my husband and I use to go there. Is that normal?? Please help if you can.

[llovern]

My husband also died from a brain tumor on April 17th of this year. We were together for 32 years and it so unbearable to live my life without him. Littlemo, I think anything and everything we feel is normal. We are all in so much pain and and we are entitled to feel whatever we feel. I am glad that I found this site because it helps to express my feelings to people who really understand. I hope you find some comfort here where people truly know what are you going through.

[tkrx5rn]

My husband and I always went to the book store together, I tried it one time and it was to me a disaster. I found that I don't like doing things alone. We were married 37 years, it is not easy but it does get better slowly. It has been almost a year and when I am asked about him I still cry.