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I am so scared.


hbgauthier

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My 26 year old daughter is going to die. She was diagnosed with Leukemia at the age of 4. She relapsed at 8 and had a bone marrow transplant. Then at 22 she was diagnosed with bone cancer. The treatment meant she lost her left leg. half her pelvis and part of her spine. She went from being an active college student to a paraplegic plagued with pressure ulcers. However, she worked hard to graduate from college. After she recovered from MONTHS of pressure ulcers, she started to really live a full life again. Cycling with a hand cycle, trying adaptive downhill skiing- she was so happy to be alive and "healthy". Unfortunately, the cancer has spread to her lungs and now her lymph nodes. Her prognosis is very grim- probably she will not be here in one year. I have been with her through so many of the challenges, changing, cleaning and packing numerous wounds,helping her to learn how to do so many things that being a paraplegic has required her to learn- catheterization, colostomy care, wheelchair use... I have been blessed to have had the freedom to be with her through so much. Now what do I do?? I watched my own mother die from cancer that had spread to her lungs.It was so sad watching my mom suffer and struggle to breathe. How,oh how can I help my daughter through this? Idon't feel as if I am strong enough. Hasn't my beloved daughter suffered enough in her short life??? I don't know how to help her. If anyone has gone through this before- please tell me how you were able to get through watching your adult child suffer AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, how can I help my daughter not be terrified. We have not had any kind of discussion about the future events. We are religious and do believe in an afterlife. My daughter often says lings like "next year, when I apply for graduate school" . I have been with her at each doctor's appointment, and we have heard the same things, I think she either doesn't choose to listen and really believe it all, or she is just trying to protect me and her dad and younger siblings. I don't want to rub her nose in her situation if she is choosing to ignore it. I figure that as time goes on, she will not have that luxury. She already tires very easily and has a horrible cough, so she must feel what is happening. Is this the right thing to do?? Please help.

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I"m so sorry for all of this. That you've made it this far tells me you are strong enough. I don't have any firm answers, but my inclination offhand would be to let hear deal with it in her own way and try to "follow her lead" as best you can. Maybe instead of approaching her directly you could write her a letter, just letting her know you are there if she wants to talk about any of this? Just a thought. Best to you both.....

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My 26 year old daughter is going to die. She was diagnosed with Leukemia at the age of 4. She relapsed at 8 and had a bone marrow transplant. Then at 22 she was diagnosed with bone cancer. The treatment meant she lost her left leg. half her pelvis and part of her spine. She went from being an active college student to a paraplegic plagued with pressure ulcers. However, she worked hard to graduate from college. After she recovered from MONTHS of pressure ulcers, she started to really live a full life again. Cycling with a hand cycle, trying adaptive downhill skiing- she was so happy to be alive and "healthy". Unfortunately, the cancer has spread to her lungs and now her lymph nodes. Her prognosis is very grim- probably she will not be here in one year. I have been with her through so many of the challenges, changing, cleaning and packing numerous wounds,helping her to learn how to do so many things that being a paraplegic has required her to learn- catheterization, colostomy care, wheelchair use... I have been blessed to have had the freedom to be with her through so much. Now what do I do?? I watched my own mother die from cancer that had spread to her lungs.It was so sad watching my mom suffer and struggle to breathe. How,oh how can I help my daughter through this? Idon't feel as if I am strong enough. Hasn't my beloved daughter suffered enough in her short life??? I don't know how to help her. If anyone has gone through this before- please tell me how you were able to get through watching your adult child suffer AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, how can I help my daughter not be terrified. We have not had any kind of discussion about the future events. We are religious and do believe in an afterlife. My daughter often says lings like "next year, when I apply for graduate school" . I have been with her at each doctor's appointment, and we have heard the same things, I think she either doesn't choose to listen and really believe it all, or she is just trying to protect me and her dad and younger siblings. I don't want to rub her nose in her situation if she is choosing to ignore it. I figure that as time goes on, she will not have that luxury. She already tires very easily and has a horrible cough, so she must feel what is happening. Is this the right thing to do?? Please help.

First and foremost, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It must be terrible!

Now that Dr's have had their chance will you take a chance with Jesus? I have heard and seen (step father completely recover when dr's diagnosed he was going to die from cancer within 72 hrs) remarkable healings take place in the name of Jesus. I highly suggest you take a look at YouTube and look up Todd White, Tom Fischer, Dan Mohler, Curry Blake, and Pete Cabrera Jr. There's no gimmick to it, no fees or money involved .. basically, their mission in life is to do the works of Him who sent us which is to undo the devils works (kill, steal, destroy). You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by taking my advice.

God Bless

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Ive just posted a reply to another person who was asking the same thing (but for herself) as you - about the fear of dying.. If you want to read it that thread is here. So I wont repeat myself again here (Id end up with repetitive strain injury if I did for starters - typing it all out again :).

As Hermann has posted above, Jesus can and does heal people from all sorts and I personally know people who have had healings that cant be explained (ie xray of broken bone, then prayed for then another xray a week after the first and break is gone and like it was never there) - a bed bound person getting up and walking after bot doing so for a long long time... and many more

The other thing which I feel for me personally would be even more important than healing - which I believe god can and does do - is that the very instant I became a christian my fear of death was gone, just like that. Its never returned. Even if I myself am having a bad day and the devil is trying to put doubt in my mind, I still just dont have that fear - its like it was some physical thing that someone stole away so now even if i wanted it back I couldnt have it- its so completely gone.

Meeting the god who made her through Jesus Christ is the most fundamentally 'real' life changing thing that your daughter can (and should) have. And I believe that he will take away her fear of death.

You say you are religious and believe in an afterlife - I am not sure what that means for you, but would say personally I was very convinced that god existed in many forms and that not just through christianity - but through many other religons a person who was geniunely seeking would find god. However when I was as a non christian thiking I would 'go through the motions'of converting to my then boyfriends religon as it would save a lot of stress (and I thought hey not looking like ill ever become a christian or something anyway so why not just do this to make his (then boyfriend) s family happy. And out of the blue and very unexpectedly and weirdly for me, this voice said in my head the passage from the bible where jesus says "I am the way the truth and the life - no one comes to the father but through me"and the same voice then asked me "can you ever really deny me?" I should mention now that I am from a non religious family with parents who are basically athiests, so I had never been raised as a christian and there was certainly never ever ever any pressure on me or teaching in my upbringing that 'Jesus was the only way ' so this "can you ever really deny me?" could be considered a really random question to anyone who knew me - as I wasnt some kid brought up religious who was having to mentally defy her family and her upbringing, in fact when I had considered religons, Jesus had been a point of contention for me (is he god or is he separate - how can there be one god and 2 people, if god runs everything why did jesus need to come to earth and die, etc etc

So I believed in god more than the idea of jesus - and here is this very soft warm - and undeniably loving voice saying "can you ever really deny me?". Id have expected in a situation like that to say 'err i already have'

However - as soon as that question was asked of me, my conscious brain didn't have a chance to answer before what I felt was a deeper inner part of me just instantly said what I instantly knew to be my truth. Which was no. It was like the moment i heard his voice - every thought i had had about god not being real or jesus not being god as the son - they all just crumbled and I knew, I just knew straight away my immediate response was 'no I could never ever ever deny you' It was a very loving and overwhelming experience - and I felt this presence this love so strongly I had tears running down my face (I was on public transport at the time and I am not the type who cries in front of anyone - let alone in public) but I couldn't help it - the feeling of this love was just so overwhelming, so immense, so personal, so undeniable. It was actually another few years before i became a christian and was saved - and when I did - I straight away experienced that same powerful and complete and personal and magnificent love that god has for me. and I have experienced it many times since.

anyway the thing for me is that time when god said "I am the way the truth and the life" - it was just so out of the blue and unexpected - those words and that whole idea were simply not on my brain at all (even though i was thinking about my boyfriend and conversion to his religion - i felt i didn't believe in Jesus and it simply wasn't a factor in my thoughts that day - any more than if you are planning a holiday and someone said green carpet - that you would have been thinking about green carpet before they said it.

what i mean is it simply wasnt something id dream up - if i was going to convince myself something happened it wouldn't have been that cos it just didn't occur to me. It was so not part of my thinking that when god said that to me straight away it was like 'who is that'cos i knew it was not me suddenly thought that

I believe that what happened that day was that god blessed me - even though i wasn't a christian and didn't even believe in him, it was so important to him, that I know the truth, that he just kinda (in a wonderful, loving and miraculous way) barged into my head and spoke out loud when he got there (to clarify, lol - i have not been suspected or diagnosed with any sort of schizophrenia or delusions - and do not hear voices on a regular basis (gods spoken like that to me a couple of times after i was saved but he is usually more subtle.) - I am considered for the most part (lol) sane, have a job, am allowed to drive a car, dont see, hear or talk to things that no one else can see. so a voice in my head was NOT a usual event for me!

So I guess what I am trying to say, is that when i didnt believe in jesus and felt that if god was real then he could be worshiped via more than one 'religon' god himself went out of his way to make it very clear that jesus is the one way to god. And the immediate experience of gods presense - in a way id never experienced before - in my life the very moment I committed as a christian - and the long list of çoincidences in my life since - have made it abundantly clear that Jesus is absolutely and totally - the key.

So - I cant help but wonder if your daughter as you say is so full of fear - if that fear is not limited to the physical suffering she will face - but if you know that she is afraid of what comes after that - then I really hope she will think about accepting jesus as her saviour (if she isnt able to or sure maybe she can just ask god to give her a sign about this - i am sure he will if she keeps asking him to)

I know that god can take that fear away instantly and completely so that it wont come back - you literally cant get it back if you try - hes always with her and all she needs do is ask jesus to come into her life and forgive her sins, - to acknowledge that he died on the cross for her sins, and ask him to be her god. as soon as she reaches out to god - he will respond and she will have peace, and the certainty that she is going to live for ever

I also and love to ski and I believe there are mountains (and of course, ski areas) in heaven - so i hope that Ill see her there one perfect powder day :)

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