Lost my girlfriend was gonna propose..... I am new

[Pasco08]

On May 21st 2012 mygirlfriend and I were headed to dinner we have/had been dating for a solid 4years prior to that and I was going to propose to her! Well on our way there adrunk driver plowed through us and he was doing about 90MPG and it flipped my carlike a rag doll and right then and there I lost my girl and I lost everythingimportant in my life. On top of it all found out she was pregnant and I justfeel like it is all my fault :/. Her parents hate me now and wouldn’t even letme attend well more like they hurried up and had the funeral while I was stillin the ICU. I don’t feel the same without her I feel so incomplete Just beendistancing myself from everyone my big sisters have been trying to help butbeen shutting em out and just drinking myself away lately I miss her so much.

[Starfairy]

On May 21st 2012 mygirlfriend and I were headed to dinner we have/had been dating for a solid 4years prior to that and I was going to propose to her! Well on our way there adrunk driver plowed through us and he was doing about 90MPG and it flipped my carlike a rag doll and right then and there I lost my girl and I lost everythingimportant in my life. On top of it all found out she was pregnant and I justfeel like it is all my fault :/. Her parents hate me now and wouldn’t even letme attend well more like they hurried up and had the funeral while I was stillin the ICU. I don’t feel the same without her I feel so incomplete Just beendistancing myself from everyone my big sisters have been trying to help butbeen shutting em out and just drinking myself away lately I miss her so much.

Hi Pasco08 I am truly sorry to hear of your sad loss,you must be in so much pain i cant even imagine.

Thing is you need to allow people in so they can help you and support you,those you trust. But only when you are ready. I get that we shut down when trauma happens its like a protection. You are in shock my friend deep shock.

I Send you lots of love. Thing is you will never find real heling in the bottom of a glass. You need to numb the pain i get that but i urge you to seek another way forword. Your girlfriend would not like to see you suffer any longer then you have to

Lots of emotions going on within you.

God bless you .

[Pasco08]

Think that is easier said then done :/ Just miss her so bad

[Mdanielson4]

Pasco08, I am very sorry for your loss. All of the people here have lostsomeone close and there is nothing easy about any of it. All I can tell you is that I have neverhad so many up days and down days. Down days hurt, possibly more hurt then you have ever had. At least it is for me and I’m old. I had the opportunity to talk to a fewpeople on the phone today that helped me more than they will imagine. Some days talking helps and other daysI just can’t wait to get away from everyone. Recently I read a book from Itunes called when will I StopHurting? By June Cerza Kolf. It helped me understand some of thefeelings I have been having. Itdoesn’t take the hurt away or help you prevent it but it helps explain it. Just a thought. I hope the best for you. I would tell you it will get bettersoon but, I just don’t know that. I will pray for you.

Mike

[Pasco08]

Thank you all

[dmbarr]

Oh, I am sorry for you. Those drunk drivers makes me sick, a few years ago hubby and I was driving home from work, and a car passed us going very fast, it hit a sign sending it into the air coming at us. luckly it miss us or it would had came through the window decapicataing hubby. hubby parks our car I said what you doing he said I am going to go help him, I said why he just about killed us,but that was the kind of guy hubby was. when he got down to him, he said the man was drunk out of his mind and told hubby to help him get out of there. a couple of garbage truck drivers had stopped to so they went down too. This has been probably 7 years and the sign still has not been replaced. Hubby was always there to help anyone. I am falling a part and so is my house without hubby.

[leadman]

On May 21st 2012 my girlfriend and I were headed to dinner we have/had been dating for a solid 4years prior to that and I was going to propose to her! Well on our way there a drunk driver plowed through us and he was doing about 90MPG and it flipped my car like a rag doll and right then and there I lost my girl and I lost everything important in my life. On top of it all found out she was pregnant and I just feel like it is all my fault :/. Her parents hate me now and wouldn’t even let me attend well more like they hurried up and had the funeral while I was still in the ICU. I don’t feel the same without her I feel so incomplete Just been distancing myself from everyone my big sisters have been trying to help but been shutting em out and just drinking myself away lately I miss her so much.

I urge you to seek another way forward. Your girlfriend would not like to see you suffer any longer then you have to

Lots of emotions going on within you.

God bless you .

+++

The loss of your girlfriend is deeply painful. Allow yourself to feel the pain, then do something productive. Be gentle with your self accusation. You did not plow into your own car. You did not cause the accident. You did not kill her. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself again.

Her parents may be keeping you away from them because you remind them of her and of their pain.

It may be helpful for you to have a small memorial ceremony alone with a clergyman you trust so you can experience her passing with the support of healthy ritual. I know that an Orthodox Priest can do this with you. Any sensitive pastor will arrange a time for you to experience this step which eases grieving.

Visit her grave. Put a stone or some dirt on her grave to experience in ritual "something like" burying her. Physical acts that enact the reality of death move us forward through grief by making it real. This makes it easier to let go.

I had a close former girlfriend die when I was 500 miles away. I could not get to the funeral. Years later I had to go to her grave to see where she was buried

to finally let go. Until then my grief just kept going around in circles with no release. It really helped.

Keep visiting her grave. Leave flowers or tokens. Talk to her. Let her know how you feel. Talk to God. Ask him to hear your pain. Get it out.

Later you will visit her grave less when you have let go and grieved more.

LIVE! Exercise. Run. Join a basketball, soccer, volleyball or any group sport. Join an exercise group or class. Go to yoga (esp. one with men too.) ;-)

Exercise creates good endorphines. They make you feel better. The exercise also processes the grief.

Dancing with strangers is far more powerful than sitting at home. Yes, it rubs the wound of your loss, but being with others also soothes you inner heart and soul.

Healthy, safe, touch like that does wonders.

Walk in nature 25 minutes a day. Everyday. Look at the beauty of the trees, the grass, flowers, sunlight, clouds, snow, fountain, stream, etc. Drink in the beauty of the details.

Notice the details of nature again.

When possible walk with another person. Walk every day.

Some people heal grief by writing. Start a journal. Write what you feel. The physical act of writing and expressing your feelings and thoughts makes you acknowledge

your feelings and gets them out. This is very healing. Do not worry what you write, or about what you feel. Do not feel compelled to edit unless you want to. Let it out.

If you are comfortable with the Bible, open up the Psalms. Read sentences slowly, prayerfully. Every emotion is in the Psalms. Your anger, fear, grief, disappointment, pain, longing, etc. will be understood by the reading of the Psalms. Before sleep is a good time to read a Psalm or two.

When you cannot sleep at night due to stress of your grief, Read the Psalms.

It is possible your love had to die now in order to not face other hardship in the future. We do not know how it may have been better for her to die now than experience

an agonizing cancer at age 30 ?

Live so she will be grateful to God for how much love you give to others and how well you live your life.

Be alive. God gave you life. You must still have a purpose here that is not complete. Live so you will fulfill your purpose.

God's peace will come to you one moment at a time.