Watching a friend die

[lsanders424]

I am watching my closet friend die. Inch by inch, day by day, cancer is taking her. We have been friends for 50 years. We finally ended up in the same city after 30 years of life elsewhere. We had so many plans. 6 months after she arrived her she was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. Treatments have failed and she is starting hospice. My problems with this are many, but I'm really having trouble with guilt. I won't let myself do anything fun...She can't, why should I. I cry a lot. Not sure if I should continue to just live for her until the end, or start living my life again now.....Totally at a loss.

[ModKonnie]

I am watching my closet friend die. Inch by inch, day by day, cancer is taking her. We have been friends for 50 years. We finally ended up in the same city after 30 years of life elsewhere. We had so many plans. 6 months after she arrived her she was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cell carcinoma. Treatments have failed and she is starting hospice. My problems with this are many, but I'm really having trouble with guilt. I won't let myself do anything fun...She can't, why should I. I cry a lot. Not sure if I should continue to just live for her until the end, or start living my life again now.....Totally at a loss.

Read some of the Hospice literature they have given her and her family, and talk to a counselor perhaps about this. Your feelings are normal, but you knwo your friend would not want you to give up your life and do nothing. Try to go have fun at least once in a while. It's definitely tough.

Guilt is an issue many many people deal with. You can move forward from the guilt, but it may take a little bit of effort.

ModKonnie

[lsanders424]

Thanks! I know she wants me to be out having fun but all I can think of is that she should be there also. I don't want to share with her fun things I might do so she won't feel horrible that she can't do them. I try to get her out to do things as often as possible, but those days are getting farther and farther apart. I'm happy that I found this forum. Sometimes I just need to vent at the random unfairness of this.

[ModKonnie]

Thanks! I know she wants me to be out having fun but all I can think of is that she should be there also. I don't want to share with her fun things I might do so she won't feel horrible that she can't do them. I try to get her out to do things as often as possible, but those days are getting farther and farther apart. I'm happy that I found this forum. Sometimes I just need to vent at the random unfairness of this.

Do you think it is possible that she would still like to hear about fun things? Perhaps she would be able to laugh and enjoy your fun with you that way. I am glad you feel safe and supported enough to vent.

ModKonnie