Members Maren Posted July 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 My name is Maren. My mother celebrated her birthday on the 29th of last month. She's 72 and she's dying. It's happening so fast. For her birthday, we took her out to lunch at a local restaurant. She was walking with a cane then, but now she can't walk at all. She can't sit up on her own or roll over. She used to be such a vibrate, energetic woman, and now she has no strength at all. It's like watching a clock slowly winding down, and there's nothing we can do about it. She's incontinent. She's having strokes, the most recent one having occurred last Wednesday, but the doctors don't acknowledge it's happening. I feel abandoned and horribly betrayed by them. It's the white elephant in the room. I know there's nothing that can be done, but I don't understand why they won't just say she's dying and tell us what to expect next?Mom's so confused, with fewer and fewer lucid moments, but her Alzheimer's test came back negative. Dad has become the enemy, and now so have I. That hurts, but it's part of the process and I can accept that. Mom can barely hold a conversation anymore. She loses her words or just trails away, and sometimes even falls asleep in the middle of it. She sleeps a lot now, slipping in and out of naps all the time, and the rest of us move around her like wraiths, trying to keep her comfortable, calm and cared for. My aunt (her sister) calls every day to talk to her. She's angry with us because we moved mom into a hospital bed. It was just too hard to get mom in and out of her old bed (it had a very high foundation which put the mattress hip-high) and with the hospital bed, mom can sit up or lie down at the push of a button, but that doesn't seem to matter much to my aunt.We used to call mom The Hobbit because she used to eat tiny meals every couple hours all day long. But now her digestive system seems to be shutting down. A few days ago, she began throwing up when she ate. Now, she'll still drink but won't take more than a bite or two of solid foods like maltomeal or applesauce. We've been giving her Ensure, chocolate milk and juice because she won't drink anything else (and if she knew we were putting Ensure in her chocolate milk, she wouldn't drink that either). She's coughing. She's having trouble swallowing, and she's cold. She used to read all the time, but now she just holds her book and she moves the book mark around from page to page and her hands make strange plucking motions at the blankets, like she's trying to pick up something that isn't there. She says she's watching TV, but it hasn't been on in days. She says to tell the angels not to rub her feet because her commode is at the foot of the bed, so I told a perfectly empty room not to rub her feet. I wish I could just cry, but the tears don't come. At least she's not in any pain. I cling to that and am grateful. I apologize for how rambling this all is, and I hope I haven't offended anyone by posting here while mom's still alive. I just needed to vent, and no one here wants to talk about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.