Members birdy Posted July 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hello all I am new here....My husband committed suicide about 2 months ago. We were having a lot of problems and I went to stay with my mom when he did it. It is hard not to blame myself that if I wouldn't have left he wouldn't have done it and half of his family does blame me which makes it even harder! I also don't know what to do because right when I start to feel stronger his step mom (who is on good terms with me) calls and tells me about what the other half of the family that blames me is saying/doing (hope that makes sense) I don't want to stop talking to her because I want to stay connected to his dad but it just brings me back down..... I could go on and on about stuff that is being said about me and how evil the family that blames me is being towards me....any advise is appreciated!!-Birdy- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted July 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hello all I am new here....My husband committed suicide about 2 months ago. We were having a lot of problems and I went to stay with my mom when he did it. It is hard not to blame myself that if I wouldn't have left he wouldn't have done it and half of his family does blame me which makes it even harder! I also don't know what to do because right when I start to feel stronger his step mom (who is on good terms with me) calls and tells me about what the other half of the family that blames me is saying/doing (hope that makes sense) I don't want to stop talking to her because I want to stay connected to his dad but it just brings me back down..... I could go on and on about stuff that is being said about me and how evil the family that blames me is being towards me....any advise is appreciated!!-Birdy-Birdy,I am sorry about the loss of your husband. As you know, it is certainly not your fault. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, your husband's decision was completely his. You are not responsible in any way. Please believe this. Your inlaws are looking for someone to blame, which is quite common, really. Sometimes, it feels better when we can blame things on others or situations, but it doesn't mean it makes it right. Perhaps you should remind them of how much you loved your husband and what his loss means to you. Perhaps you can talk about why blame you.We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lreneterry Posted July 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Birdy:Hold on to your faith. You are not to blame for what he did. You will never know if doing something different would have changed things. Don't dwell on it. I went thru the same thing when my husband died of AIDS. We had split up because of the dementia related to the AIDS that we didn't know that he had. He was getting very abusive and I wasn't going to allow that not with children (OK, teenagers but still). I had filed charges and filed for divorce. His mother blamed me for everything. She took over the medical care and then was upset when the doctors would go to me because I was still his spouse. He passed away before any of the paperwork could be finalized not that I could have done that after the diagnosis. I miss him as much today as I did two years ago but I am still angry at him for killing himself the slow way and endangering his family and depriving his family of a son, a brother, and a father. I kept in contact with his mother so the kids could see their grandparents. She is more accepting of things now. I think that the fact that I have tested negative has something to do with this as well as time. She said a lot of hurtful things that I learned to ignore. She is still his mother and the kids' grandmother. She was hurting too. Please give them time. They are hurting. And unfortunately sometimes people are very nasty when they are hurting. Please keep posting. We are listening.lost in time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members paulaj Posted July 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Dear Birdy,My mother committed suicide in 1990. Of course I blamed myself. I went to a suicide support group sponsored by the Samaritans - I believe they are national. It really helped. I know I can repeat what others have said - it is an individual choice. Sometimes no matter what you do you can't prevent it. Therapist's have a difficult time when a client commits suicide. I knew one therapist who had a suicidal client and she had him pink papered (committed). She knew he was high risk and did the correct thing. So what happened? He hung himself in the institution. If someone wants to do this it is their decision and nothing will stop them. Can you ask your step mom not to discuss this for a while? Can you tell her you are too fragile and distraught yourself to hear what other people think? Otherwise, you enjoy hearing from her. I am so sorry this happened. Love and Peace,Mandala Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members birdy Posted July 25, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Thank you all so much for the replys! I have good family and friend support but it is also nice to get support from here!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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