Members supernana Posted July 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 This is new to me. Glad I found the site, because I seem to be taking steps backward through this process. my oldest son Jason died 4 years ago on Sept. 21. I don't know what to say other than I have come to understand that I am not the same person I was....... relationships with my husband, 2 surviving sons, and people in general have changed. so much. I feel like I have isolated myself somewhat. I rarely feel any true joy or laugh any more. I have learned to cope, but feel like I am on auto pilot most days. I know it has the classical signs of depression, I am on an antidepressant. I am raising 2 beautiful grandchildren and have a good job. I haven't crawled into a hole. I am just not the person I was and I want that person back. The trauma leading up to my son's death, and the fact that I found him still haunt me, although not anywhere close to what it was even a year ago. I guess I'm just venting to anyone that might understand. I don't visit his grave site any more because it hurts so much. I think I have stuffed it down for so long now, and that has done more harm than healing. I don't want to rehash the whole story here, not yet. Just wondering if anyone out there understands this change and what they are doing about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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