1st of July 2012 Angel

[Lost.Lady]

My mother went into the hospital on my birthday June 16th and died on Canada day, July the 1st....She had had a stroke last year which left her left side a little problematic and was ok for a while but then started declining....she sat with her eyes closed most or all the time even when I had to feed her at the end...she went into the hospital because her legs gave in and it turned out to be that she ahd broken her femur on right leg... by the way, she was 90 yrs old and they said they could do nothing for her as she seemed be letting her self go, had little or no reaction, nor was showing any signs of rehalibitation or however you spell this word...I lived with her most or all my life , have no husband and no children, and like you , am the only child.....I cried for 4 months before her death and am still crying now, but less, have a small depression, anxiety and panic attacks...also do not sleep and have to take Ativan and some other kind of pill with a funny name...This other funny named pill makes me dizzy when I get up to go to the bathroom my head spins and there is a staircase on my right and bathroom on the left...I think I am going to stop that pill (before my deceased mother decides to come and get me) ( a little dark joke ) I meant if I lose balance and fall down those stairs....Doctors just give you any meds they think are good for you...but I am not willing to flip down a staircase because of the pill just yet...(another small dark joke) and actually a general doctor should actually send someone with mental problems to see a psychologist if you have the money to pay for one...or a psychiatrist, if you are not sleeping very well.or having panic attacks before falling asleep....I already had a major depression in 2000 because of the loss of energy from looking for a job in this rotten city where I live and where the best jobs are on the outskirts and I do not own a car and town bus , well the stupid bus just goes to the most common visited places where we shop . ...so how stupid and depressing that was for me....Anyways back to the story, I was ok mentally until the passing of my mother , the depression and anxiety are back, ....I have hardly no energy , mood swings all the time, crying fits, loss of appetite and whatever else you might like to throw in .....General doctor diagnosed me with pathological grief which he said can last up to six months or more because I was too close to my mother and these are the results.....also i did not tell him that I now have monetary problems and will not be able to work because of these feelings inside of me....so I really am making the story sound negative ...but you have to look at it the good way by telling yourself that our mothers are now in a good place and are not suffering anymore ....I pray to God every night before falling asleep...(this seems to help me fall asleep) I make prayer for her and ask him to take care of her because she belongs in heaven , as was and is angel now looking over us ...actually I feel more peace when I talk to God and tell him what I feel and I feel serenity and calm inside me and then I fall asleep ...to get up to another day that I do not want to get out of bed, so i force myself out and then I do things, anything , just doing anything keeps our minds off our suffering, housecleaning, walking the dog, or just plain walking. going to the park, etc and etc....it helps...OH, and another thing...couple of days before dying, she was laying in bed with her eyes closed like usual and did a funny thing....usually she had not moved her arms much or usually would move just one at a time and then I think her left arm was actually paralysed when this happened.....She put her 2 hands together like in a prayer and slowly lifted them over head .and held her hands closed like in prayer lifted over her head for a moment before slowly bringing them down ...Does anyone have an idea what this could have been ?

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[BreathofAngel]

My mother went into the hospital on my birthday June 16th and died on Canada day, July the 1st....She had had a stroke last year which left her left side a little problematic and was ok for a while but then started declining....she sat with her eyes closed most or all the time even when I had to feed her at the end...she went into the hospital because her legs gave in and it turned out to be that she ahd broken her femur on right leg... by the way, she was 90 yrs old and they said they could do nothing for her as she seemed be letting her self go, had little or no reaction, nor was showing any signs of rehalibitation or however you spell this word...I lived with her most or all my life , have no husband and no children, and like you , am the only child.....I cried for 4 months before her death and am still crying now, but less, have a small depression, anxiety and panic attacks...also do not sleep and have to take Ativan and some other kind of pill with a funny name...This other funny named pill makes me dizzy when I get up to go to the bathroom my head spins and there is a staircase on my right and bathroom on the left...I think I am going to stop that pill (before my deceased mother decides to come and get me) ( a little dark joke ) I meant if I lose balance and fall down those stairs....Doctors just give you any meds they think are good for you...but I am not willing to flip down a staircase because of the pill just yet...(another small dark joke) and actually a general doctor should actually send someone with mental problems to see a psychologist if you have the money to pay for one...or a psychiatrist, if you are not sleeping very well.or having panic attacks before falling asleep....I already had a major depression in 2000 because of the loss of energy from looking for a job in this rotten city where I live and where the best jobs are on the outskirts and I do not own a car and town bus , well the stupid bus just goes to the most common visited places where we shop . ...so how stupid and depressing that was for me....Anyways back to the story, I was ok mentally until the passing of my mother , the depression and anxiety are back, ....I have hardly no energy , mood swings all the time, crying fits, loss of appetite and whatever else you might like to throw in .....General doctor diagnosed me with pathological grief which he said can last up to six months or more because I was too close to my mother and these are the results.....also i did not tell him that I now have monetary problems and will not be able to work because of these feelings inside of me....so I really am making the story sound negative ...but you have to look at it the good way by telling yourself that our mothers are now in a good place and are not suffering anymore ....I pray to God every night before falling asleep...(this seems to help me fall asleep) I make prayer for her and ask him to take care of her because she belongs in heaven , as was and is angel now looking over us ...actually I feel more peace when I talk to God and tell him what I feel and I feel serenity and calm inside me and then I fall asleep ...to get up to another day that I do not want to get out of bed, so i force myself out and then I do things, anything , just doing anything keeps our minds off our suffering, housecleaning, walking the dog, or just plain walking. going to the park, etc and etc....it helps...OH, and another thing...couple of days before dying, she was laying in bed with her eyes closed like usual and did a funny thing....usually she had not moved her arms much or usually would move just one at a time and then I think her left arm was actually paralysed when this happened.....She put her 2 hands together like in a prayer and slowly lifted them over head .and held her hands closed like in prayer lifted over her head for a moment before slowly bringing them down ...Does anyone have an idea what this could have been ?

• Report

My Dearest (((((((Sad Lady))))))), I am very sorry that you are undergoing these trials in your life at the moment but know that God is indeed with you in your time of need. Reach out to Him as your Heavenly Father and ask Him to embrace and advise you on that which you need to know about. We are never alone with God, our Creator, by our side!

It is good that you feel more peaceful when talking to God as He is Peace itself. I know it is difficult to function sometimes with the grief that you are undergoing but God will give you the strength to endure during these especially difficult times. We will all transition back into spirit at our appointed time and when we do we will be met by our loved ones in spirit! That is such a beautiful thought that has brought hope to so many around the world! We are never alone during our time of transition! We all have our time in which to be in this world and learn the lessons that we must and then it is time to surrender our spirit unto God when He calls us back home. That special occasion is regarded as a great part of life itself therefore, we must keep that always in mind when the time comes for either ourselves or our loved ones.

You ask about your dear Mother raising her arms during her last days. It is said that during that special time close to their transition back into spirit, they are able to perceive loved ones who have passed-on before them and others who are now residing in spirit and they lift their arms to greet them as they are very happy to see them. It may be their Mother or Dad or a sibling or dear friend but they are able to perceive what we who are still in our physical body cannot. I have seen this happen many times before with my loved ones and have delved further into this with experts in the field who have interviewed those who have had very close experiences of their own with near transition(s).

In the meantime, dearheart, please take good care of yourself and consider letting your health care professionals know of the things you need to share with them. Also, continue to pray to God for help to face each and every day for He is your fortress and your strength! Pray also for your dear Mother as our prayers help to elevate them higher into God's Light. Take one day at a time but move forward with your life as your dear Mother would want for you to do.

May God Bless You and keep you ever so close to His side always and bring you peace, happiness, and great health to carry on for all the days of your life that He continues to bless you with!