Members Lost.Lady Posted July 19, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 My mother went into the hospital on my birthday June 16th and died on Canada day, July the 1st....She had had a stroke last year which left her left side a little problematic and was ok for a while but then started declining....she sat with her eyes closed most or all the time even when I had to feed her at the end...she went into the hospital because her legs gave in and it turned out to be that she ahd broken her femur on right leg... by the way, she was 90 yrs old and they said they could do nothing for her as she seemed be letting her self go, had little or no reaction, nor was showing any signs of rehalibitation or however you spell this word...I lived with her most or all my life , have no husband and no children, and like you , am the only child.....I cried for 4 months before her death and am still crying now, but less, have a small depression, anxiety and panic attacks...also do not sleep and have to take Ativan and some other kind of pill with a funny name...This other funny named pill makes me dizzy when I get up to go to the bathroom my head spins and there is a staircase on my right and bathroom on the left...I think I am going to stop that pill (before my deceased mother decides to come and get me) ( a little dark joke ) I meant if I lose balance and fall down those stairs....Doctors just give you any meds they think are good for you...but I am not willing to flip down a staircase because of the pill just yet...(another small dark joke) and actually a general doctor should actually send someone with mental problems to see a psychologist if you have the money to pay for one...or a psychiatrist, if you are not sleeping very well.or having panic attacks before falling asleep....I already had a major depression in 2000 because of the loss of energy from looking for a job in this rotten city where I live and where the best jobs are on the outskirts and I do not own a car and town bus , well the stupid bus just goes to the most common visited places where we shop . ...so how stupid and depressing that was for me....Anyways back to the story, I was ok mentally until the passing of my mother , the depression and anxiety are back, ....I have hardly no energy , mood swings all the time, crying fits, loss of appetite and whatever else you might like to throw in .....General doctor diagnosed me with pathological grief which he said can last up to six months or more because I was too close to my mother and these are the results.....also i did not tell him that I now have monetary problems and will not be able to work because of these feelings inside of me....so I really am making the story sound negative ...but you have to look at it the good way by telling yourself that our mothers are now in a good place and are not suffering anymore ....I pray to God every night before falling asleep...(this seems to help me fall asleep) I make prayer for her and ask him to take care of her because she belongs in heaven , as was and is angel now looking over us ...actually I feel more peace when I talk to God and tell him what I feel and I feel serenity and calm inside me and then I fall asleep ...to get up to another day that I do not want to get out of bed, so i force myself out and then I do things, anything , just doing anything keeps our minds off our suffering, housecleaning, walking the dog, or just plain walking. going to the park, etc and etc....it helps...OH, and another thing...couple of days before dying, she was laying in bed with her eyes closed like usual and did a funny thing....usually she had not moved her arms much or usually would move just one at a time and then I think her left arm was actually paralysed when this happened.....She put her 2 hands together like in a prayer and slowly lifted them over head .and held her hands closed like in prayer lifted over her head for a moment before slowly bringing them down ...Does anyone have an idea what this could have been ? Report Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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