Members CS1985 Posted July 18, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 I'm not sure where to start. I guess I'm just reaching out for any help I can find. In Nov 2009 I lost my father very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was really a rock in my life. I happened to be pregnant with his first grandchild at the time of his death. It still kills me inside that he never got to meet my daughter. I know he would have adored her and absolutely spoiled her rotten and I am so sad that she is missing that in her life now. In Feb I found out I was pregnant despite having an IUD. I immediately was afraid someone else would die. I knew in my head that my fears were irrational, but I just couldn't shake the dread. Then my grandmother got suddenly ill and had to have an emergency heart procedure...I was absolutely terrified. Thankfully everything turned out fine, and after that I told myself I was being silly worrying so much about something bad happening. Just because I had a tragedy during my first pregnancy didn't mean another would happen with this one. Fast forward to July 4th and I get the worst phone call of my life...my mom was dead, cause unknown. I literally crawled into a ball on my couch and sobbed hysterically. I just couldn't cope. Here I was reliving my absolute worst fear. How could this really be happening to me again?! What have I ever done so wrong that for me 1 new baby=1 dead parent? I just can't wrap my head around it. I feel so lost and overwhelmed. I am only 26 years old, and in less than 3 years have lost both my parents. Add to that the fact that my grandmother, who I love very very dearly, is in really poor health. I just can't even think of losing her too. At this point I am terrified of ever becoming pregnant again. I wanted so much to have at least 3 children, and I feel like now I have to give that up because I just can't risk losing someone else. And the thought that the baby I'm carrying now is my last is just heartbreaking. I just really need some help coping. I feel like I'm slipping and I'm about to have an emotional breakdown. I do want to say that I am not religious. I know a lot of people will say trust in God and have faith yadda yadda, but that just doesn't work for me. I don't want to delve into my beliefs, but I'll suffice to say that no religious based methods of coping are going to help me. I have already started counseling and had my first appointment today, but I feel like I need a bit more help than 45 minutes once a week. If anyone has anything, any advice, words of comfort, ANYTHING, please help me. I feel like I'm drowning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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