How does everyone else cope with this?

[lostsoul2012]

Hi All,

I don't know even where to begin. I am at rock bottom and its coming close to the first anniversary of 61 year old dad's death and I can't cope.

My Dad slipped away from us one Friday evening on the golf course, his second love. My parents were the two most in love people I have ever come across. My dad worshipped my Mom and from an early age she even admitted that wrongly all she wanted was him and isolated herself a bit. While obviously my heart aches for my dad my stomach also churns at the thought of my mom living out her days alone, without her soulmate, her best friend,her provider and the father to her two daughters. Life just doesn't seem one bit fair.

Sorry if this sounds like a poor me rant but things have just gotten so bad I've had to turn to this forum. I was a 26 year old female living in a cosmopoilitan city enjoying life as best i could and trying to get over my own break up after 6 years together with who I thought was the love of my life...that was 2011....fast forward a year, I'm 27, still living in the city, working in a job I hate, gained 10kgs, no motivation, still getting over the break up and trying to fix the hole in my heart where my Dad died. I have turned my back on everyone, I'm angry, very angry and times feel I could snap. I just want my Dad back when life was simple, everyone was happy. Not this the way it is now. I don't sleep, I have nightmares when I do, I have dreams that hes still here and then find myself waking up sobbing cause he's not. I imagine how cold the graveyeard must be for him. Did the heart attack hurt? What was the last thing he thought of? Why did this have to happen to us?

If anyone can give me some advice I would really appreciate this because right now I feel like nobody knows pain like this...

Thank you all.

[Daffodilfun]

I don't have time to write a lot right now, but please know that all the emotions you are feeling are normal. It does get better.

I will write more later, but I just wanted you to know that I am listening and you are not alone.

Blessings.

Sally

[BreathofAngel]

Hi All,

I don't know even where to begin. I am at rock bottom and its coming close to the first anniversary of 61 year old dad's death and I can't cope.

Very warm greetings to you, my (((((((dear friend)))))))!

I offer my condolences on the physical loss of your Dad and thank you for coming to this forum for some words of comfort and consolation.

My Dad slipped away from us one Friday evening on the golf course, his second love. My parents were the two most in love people I have ever come across. My dad worshipped my Mom and from an early age she even admitted that wrongly all she wanted was him and isolated herself a bit. While obviously my heart aches for my dad my stomach also churns at the thought of my mom living out her days alone, without her soulmate, her best friend,her provider and the father to her two daughters. Life just doesn't seem one bit fair.

This is perhaps the most difficult situation to face in that not only you hurt for your loss but you have another very important person in your life, your Mom, who hurts as well. So it may seem that the hurt hits you with a double-barrel shotgun. I know what this is like so I can sympathize with you completely but the best thing that can be done is to be there for your Mom who especially needs you at this time. Just your presence can be very healing to her I'm sure. I know you also have another sister. But your Mom will obviously need all the help and support she can obtain from you as well as the rest of the family while she goes through this unfortunate period in her life. Therefore, you need to be strong for her as well as for yourself.

Sorry if this sounds like a poor me rant but things have just gotten so bad I've had to turn to this forum. I was a 26 year old female living in a cosmopoilitan city enjoying life as best i could and trying to get over my own break up after 6 years together with who I thought was the love of my life...that was 2011....fast forward a year, I'm 27, still living in the city, working in a job I hate, gained 10kgs, no motivation, still getting over the break up and trying to fix the hole in my heart where my Dad died. I have turned my back on everyone, I'm angry, very angry and times feel I could snap. I just want my Dad back when life was simple, everyone was happy. Not this the way it is now. I don't sleep, I have nightmares when I do, s? I have dreams that hes still here and then find myself waking up sobbing cause he's not. I imagine how cold the graveyeard must be for him. Did the heart attack hurt? What was the last thing he thought of? Why did this have to happen to us?

Dearheart, to the contrary, this is not a rant but a chance to openly voice just how you feel about this matter. It is the anger aspect in what you are saying that you need to wean off of for your own good as well as that of others. You see, while anger appears to be a part of many person's grieving process, Where There Is Anger, Peace Cannot Co-exist. It is one or the other. And peace is a true blessing from God that is given to each and every one of His children for their best benefit. Peace can be obtained by turning your heart to the Love you have for your Dad as well as for your Mom. When you have both of them in your heart, as undoubtedly you do, concentrate on peace that your Mom is deserving of and that your Dad would obviously want for you to have in order for you to fully carry on.

You say this situation has even affected your sleep. I am not a doctor therefore cannot speak professionally as to that, however and imho, it is generally known that whenever something affects one's sleep that cannot be good as sleep deprivation can certainly contribute to bad mood swings and the anger that inevitably follows. All the more reason to find that special place in your heart where Peace still exists. The nightmares might also result from the added stress with the situation, all the more reason to ameliorate your life as much as you can so that you can be in a better 'space' both for you and all the others concerned.

If anyone can give me some advice I would really appreciate this because right now I feel like nobody knows pain like this...

Very well. And, as before, I do understand that pain. But since you have made this request, let's go back and revisit these sentences of yours and I will attempt to elaborate on the points you have made from what I have studied spiritually, learned, and know about these matters.

"I have dreams that hes still here and then find myself waking up sobbing cause he's not. I imagine how cold the graveyeard must be for him. Did the heart attack hurt? What was the last thing he thought of? Why did this have to happen to us?"

The dreams that you have that he's still here is because first of all, he is always close to you in Spirit! And those who are in spirit do visit their loved ones quite often and can communicate through dreams. Even the Holy Bible has two main Scriptures that inform us about God speaking to us through dreams and delivering His messages. And those who have passed-on are able to return since they are no longer confined to a physical body but are now in a spiritual body that can move faster but yet remain invisible to our human eyes (just as radio or television waves remain invisible, as you know, but yet still give us music, sound, and speech and even pictures from your t.v set.) Therefore, while they are still with us, trying to comfort us in our time of great need and pain, we are unable to see or hear them due to their higher vibratory rate.

As to your sentence regarding how cold you feel the graveyard is for him, please know that once in the graveyard a person does not feel the things they did when they were incarnate in their physical body. They have graduated into another realm where they are completely free from pain and suffering! And you also ask if the heart attack hurt. For those who remain in a physical body, there can of course be that certain degree of discomfort because obviously the human body is still able to feel pain and discomfort. But if that caused his transition from this life to the next, in my studies, both ministerial and metaphysical, it is said that moments before a person passes-on their spirit disconnects from their physical body so that for instance, a person who loses their physical life due to an accident would not feel the pain if that accident allowed them to cross-over to be with God.

And neither do others feel pain when they leave us in this manner. Knowing this has brought me much comfort, personally, as it makes me feel better about my loved ones not having felt pain when they passed-on thus, relieving that anxiety that I once felt with that very question being on my mind. As to what was the last thing he thought of, as you are asking, there cannot be anyone who can definitively answer that for you, unfortunately. However, it is also said that in a vast majority of cases where people were very near "death" and I never like to use that word, incidentally, simply because I know that life continues as God has so kindly informed us in Scripture, those who leave us have us in their thoughts which continue in spirit just as before. If this were not so, how could the Virgin Mary, for example, be making so many miraculous appearances all over the world where she has even been photographed in spirit by so many and has even spoken to the girls at Fatima, if she did not remember that we are all God's children for her to come to and let us know that life indeed CONTINUES and she is a prime example of that. But as to the experience, and I was skeptical at one time about believing this, but as I studied more and more on this from very good and credible sources, I found that our loved ones are never alone when they cross over! There will always be someone to meet them with great love. And that also brought immense comfort to me as well as peace as it rings so true for me and for so many others across the world!

I am again so very sorry that this had to happen in your family but please know that a person's passing is so much also a part of life itself. From the moment we are born the hour glass starts counting the amount of time we all have in this world in which we have come to learn and experience much. Nothing is done arbitrarily. All happens for a reason and when God remembers us and calls us back home, there is nothing we will be able to do about that except gratefully accept the fact that it was our time and that our Heavenly Father is calling us back home to our true place of peaceful comfort and love. And no one is of course immune from this happening to them from Kings to Presidents to Movie Stars to the Extremely Wealthy, all must return home at their appointed time. Therefore, this is an important part of life itself and if it wasn't, we would see no one ever pass-on correct? But be comforted to know that no one is truly alone especially in their time of greatest sorrow. There will always be God's Light for their tomorrow!

Please know that I am blessed by reading your posting today and that I was led to respond. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and if you should wish to know more about this fascinating subject matter of when a person passes-on, please let me know. In the meantime, may God bless you and bring you the gifts of great Peace, Love, and Understanding.

Thank you all.

You are very welcome, (((((((dearheart)))))))! I hope that you are able to reconnect with that special place in your beautiful heart that I know you have where love and peace co-exist and bring it forth and embrace it!

I know you are a beautiful person with a wonderful soul and that God will be with you bringing you comfort as you walk through this experience!