Loss of brother

[karthiiik13]

I lost my brother on May 8,2011. Even two days before his death, I was planning to go see him. I had to drop out because I had to drive all alone from TX to MO. My wife was busy with work, there were flash floods and the highways were closed in AR and I just could not go. I lost my brother and 3 of his friends on a bright sunday morning. All the five were going to shop for their loved ones back home in India. My brother wanted to buy a gift for mom, that would have been the first thing he ever bought her something. The driver made it through but none of the others made it. The night before I spoke to him over the phone and the next afternoon I get this news out of nowhere.

It has been over an year now and all the things keep coming back. Our birthdays are only three days apart, we celebrated our birthdays on a common date. He was the best. We had a beautiful childhood. Both of us were so alike, had lot friends, both of us did mechanical engineering, similar music interests, played the same sport etc etc. As brothers we were very close, I always had his back. I always made sure he got the best and never did stupid things I did. We were happy to have great parents, we were proud of them and we were able to keep them happy. Though the family did not have a very good financial stability we were really very very happy. Now, Mom and Dad are shattered, they are still coming to terms with his loss. They live in India and I make it a point to talk to them every single day, atleast for a couple of minutes. I never cried infront of my parents, but I cry almost every night thinking about my brother. There has not been a single day where I wished it was all a nightmare and the next day I wake up to see him alive. There are a bunch of things running through my mind all the time. I am just not at peace.

[Josh's_sister]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am hoping you find some peace and some support here on the forums. You are not alone. While I believe all of our pain is different and our process is so personal, I know the feeling of losing a brother. It really sucks to lose a piece of the puzzle that connects you to your family, to your past, to where you came from. I am so glad you have such happy memories and such a beautiful family. I sincerely believe that those are the memories and thoughts that will bring you loving memories and not tearful nights at some point. I, myself, turn a lot to music and writing to find comfort. This is something I wrote. I hope it is relevant to you and maybe helpful.

The thing about losing someone like a brother (or anyone, really) is that the pain, the sadness, will always be accessible. The years you didn't get will always be a void. The things that weren't said and weren't done will always loom above you as a "what if". There is no "getting over it". Mourning isn't a process that begins with the loss and then somehow ends when you've done enough work. It's just learning to look back on the things that mattered with that person, to surround yourself with the people who matter now, and to drink in all the sweet reminders and visions of your loved one you come across in your tomorrows. It will never be okay that Josh was taken from us when he was, and I will never not be sad about it. But I will love my life and the people in it, and I will carry him with me always.

[karthiiik13]

Thank you so much for the words Vanessa. Memories are the kind of things which no one could snatch away from me (us). Thanks