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just lost my dad on may 26, 2012 to als


stefaniemcc

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stefaniemcc

i was my dads full time care taker so you would think i saw it coming but i didnt my dad was slowly fading away from als he was bed ridden had ventalater feeding tube cathiter everything you could possiable have and still be living from als. I went for surgery on my foot and ancle and he had a stroke that night i felt responsible because he was a worried parent worried about my surgery and then he had a stroke. after my surgery when i went to see him he was already gone to me he could no longer respond move open his eyes he was gone we spent 2 weeks trying everything until his body finally gave out we removed the ventalater and he continued breathing for 2 hours that was the longest 2 hours of my life i was holding my dad when he took his last breath but it still seems like a horriable nightmere. Since my dad passed i am out of work i gave up my daycare to take care of him and now im still healing from surgery so i cant work yet. im a mess my life was so busy before taking care of him my busy life with my three girls and now it seems like everything has stopped nothing to do but think about my dad i try and be ok like everyone wants me to but im not most the time im just pretending to be ok laughing and smiling when people are around or my kids and when im alone crying cant sleep or eat i feel like its getting worse and worse i think im in the angry stage now im tying to get through this but its just so hard

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breadandcircuses

I'm so sorry. I just joined this site today and saw your post. It's never easy as I have so recently discovered. Take time for yourself and when you can, remember the happy times. Patricia

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Hello Justlostdad,

Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. ALS is a terrible disease. My friend passed a few yrs ago from ALS. She was also on a vent....for almost 2yrs and could not even blink her eyes. I remember her mother talking to me about things. Her mom also gave up her job, just like you did. After my friend died her mom said she felt like she had just lost her job; which she sort of did. She went from being a 24hr caretaker to not having to do that at all. She felt lost and misplaced, like she knew she was suppossed to do something but did not know what that something was. From reading your post it sounds like these are similar situations. I hope you continue to post on here. I feel that being able to express your thoughts/feelings/emotions is very helpful in the healing process. It will take time and you will go through all the stages of grief. Acknowledge them and let them happen and them make sure to move on to the next stage.....don't get "stuck" in a certain stage. It really does sound like your dad was concerned for your health. I do not know how much he was able to communicate, but maybe because his communication was limited due to the disease, a stroke resulted. I believe that it was not your fault that he had a stroke, but it is normal for you to feel guilt. you were placed in a very tough situation. i believe that things happen for a reason. we may not know that reason until a much later time, but we will eventually know the reasons. I wish I could offer you a solution that would take away the hurt, but I can not. I will be glad to talk with you or simply listen. I do hope that you find some comfort from this site.

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I am deeply sorry about what happened to your Dad, must have been very painful. I have no idea on the effects of the body and on the victim of sclerosis but I am sure that it is very painful both on the patient and on the family. Just want to give my comment as I too had lost my father last February but it was about cirrhosis. Good thing there are funeral planner who are ready to take service on our most down moments.

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