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Father's Sudden Death


lstewart

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I guess I'm here because I don't know where else to go. My dad died yesterday, on July 4, 2012. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack while my whole family was at the house for an Independence day cookout. I saw my father dying and I cannot escape that image.

I feel lost but I'm trying to be strong for my mom. My parents were married for 50 years, almost 51 years. I know she is devastated too.

How do I make it through the next day, or two days, or week or year?

I miss my dad already and in my head I know it will ease with time but my heart says differently. I don't really even know the point in this post except that I don't want to lay these burdens on my mom right now and I need to get them out somewhere.....

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grace17313

I am so sorry for your loss, I have been hearing that so much and hear I go repeating it. I guess only because I know no matter what is said the pain will still be there. I myself lost a loved one, not a parent but my fiance. He was also the father of my children (3yrs and almost 1yr old). I know exactly how you feel. I hold my tears in for our loved ones also. I moved in with my parents for the support and I don't cry here so my kids don't see me, so my parents don't cry, so anyone visiting doesn't cry. I go to his parents and I hold back so I don't make them cry. I think, if I hurt this much they must hurt more to have lost a son. I was told this was not healthy but these are the hours I let all of my tears out. I cry and cry, then fall asleep, then wake up and cry some more. I wake up looking like a frog and I think I feel better. I tug through my day, walk away when I feel tears coming. This is the first time I post anything so I am sorry. I have logged on a few times really don't know where to start. The last posts are usually an hour or so away and I feel maybe they're logged off already. So I have caught you in time for you to see there is someone else out there feeling your loss. That is one thing I do feel. I feel alone. Sure I know his parents are hurting too, and his brother and all of his loved ones. I just see everyone moving forward, going to parties and me, I can hardly listen to music these days! On the 7th it will be one month and I don't feel any better. I think I feel a little worse. I think reality hits you after all of the numbness passes. I will keep you in my prayers. Feel free to continue sharing. I log on during these late night hours.

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Sorry to hear about your dad. You must be going through agony just now with it being the first month. So many 'firsts' to go through. Its surreal sometimes.

Take care xx

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