Moderators widower2 Posted June 29, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 What if you had gone instead of them? Ever wonder? No point here per se, just curious. Certainly some of us have thought "it should have been me" and/or wished it had been instead. But what if it really had? Think how hard that could've been on them and/or others. What would you want or hope far as people's reactions, what they would do or how - not just "well I'd want them to move on," I think we all would want that, but also the practical stuff, like do you think anyone would have quibbled about your will, how do you possibly envision their lives going forward etc.Again I'm not angling to anything, just came to mind - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted June 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2012 I actually thought of that often before my husband died. He used to say time and time again that he didn't think he could go on if I died before him. I didn't want to go first because I knew he would have a hard time and I didn't want to see him suffering the way we suffer when our life partner dies. I loved him so very much and I just didn't want him to feel that pain. Although now and then, when the pain is so unbearable, I wish it had been me to go first. No worries about my will because I have nothing of significance for anyone to fight over. The only family I have left is my two sons and a baby granddaughter. We're close and I imagine they will miss me, but they will be fine when i checkout. Now....same questions to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueJeansJoplin Posted June 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2012 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueJeansJoplin Posted June 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2012 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Frankly it would have made a lot more sense for me to go vs her. She had a lot more friends and a better relationship with her family. My life mostly was her. And she was a better person. Easily. That isn't me just being nice because she's gone or I loved her/etc, believe me it's a water-is-wet statement. And I think she could have handled me being gone a lot better, largely for those reasons. Her life still would have been full. Mine on the other hand is an empty shell. The will thing wouldn't have been much of an issue, as I don't have family that would quibble and I'm not rich either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dmbarr Posted July 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2012 I hear you. He just loved life and knew no stranger, I on the other hand am so shy, I can't make friends. I feel as though hecould had handled it better then me. I asked him to leave me go first and he said o.k.. He was the kind he could make you laugh no matter what even though he would had been hurting that I died he would had said something to crack the ice and make everyone not feel so bad. There is a lot of people that is going to miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted July 29, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2012 What if you had gone instead of them? Ever wonder? No point here per se, just curious. Certainly some of us have thought "it should have been me" and/or wished it had been instead. But what if it really had? Think how hard that could've been on them and/or others. What would you want or hope far as people's reactions, what they would do or how - not just "well I'd want them to move on," I think we all would want that, but also the practical stuff, like do you think anyone would have quibbled about your will, how do you possibly envision their lives going forward etc.Again I'm not angling to anything, just came to mind -This is something I said many times. I think of it oftin, It would have made more sense. My death would have been covered by insurance, she would have had grief but she communicated much better with the support system from her family. Even when our kids were young and Mary had to go away for work for a few days they would get on the phone and tell her "Dad doesn't function well without you here Mom". Oh the truth is being told there. I know it would have been hard for her and I wish this pain on nobody but I believe she was stronger about things like this than me. I said it so many times to her and she would always get mad "I wish I could take the cancer from you and put it in me". I truly hated seeing her in that pain with the chemo and not being able to do anything about it. So to answer your question in a heart beat I wish I could have traded places with her. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members csimms3 Posted July 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2012 Wow. Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He was very outgoing and always made everyone laugh. I always used to say he never met a stranger. Everyone loved him. He undoubtedly would function better than me if I had died first. I have trouble making friends as well, and though I do have some great friends, I feel very isolated with him gone. Not sure where I belong anymore without him here.I hear you. He just loved life and knew no stranger, I on the other hand am so shy, I can't make friends. I feel as though hecould had handled it better then me. I asked him to leave me go first and he said o.k.. He was the kind he could make you laugh no matter what even though he would had been hurting that I died he would had said something to crack the ice and make everyone not feel so bad. There is a lot of people that is going to miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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