Love cut short too soon

[SCOTTG]

I just lost my boyfriend yesterday, it was too early in our relationship. He had an accident and was fine I was going to pick up from hospital to take him home and he died. We knew that this relationship was it for each other. The last thing he told me as he was holding my face was not to ever forget that I have his heart and mind. We kissed and I said I will see you tomorrow. Tomorrow didn't come I am lost. I am 36yr old and had never given my heart to anyone until I met him.

someone told me that I should look for a support group when I am ready but what I have realized is that I can't talk. I am finding it easier to type. So I am just going to type and talk to you all if that's okay? I don't know how to feel. I was a girlfriend not a wife yet. I don't know how to feel I don't know what to write but I know I should talk to someone but I can't I talked with his parents but then I feel selfish b/c its their son. I look at him and see my future and the plans we made. I don't understand we were just laying in the hospital bed together laughing and now he is gone.

After he passed I received an email from him telling me all the reasons he loved me. he sent after i left the hospital but i didn't get it until late the next day. I am rambling I know I am usually a pretty good writer. I don't even know if I will post but I will probably be writing a lot so I can work through it thanks.

[pbrinkley]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my love way too soon, and we too were going to get married. All I know right now is that I am completely lost and most time I just don't know what to do with myself. I miss her every minute of every day. I have started counseling, but the best therapy for me is to talk about her as much as possible. I'm sure people get sick of hearing me, but it is good for me. I could talk about her all day, and it always makes me feel better. So, you go right ahead and write away, that too is therapeutic and will definitely help you to feel better. I'm sure you will hear that time heals all wounds...I don't think that's the case. Time will help you to learn how to exist without your loved one, but some wounds are just too deep to heal, and the people who say that, have never lost anyone who meant so much to them that they were their life.

[SCOTTG]

Last week this time he passed. I want to sleep so I can dream of him. I am finding it hard to cope but was good at funeral but now his family has left and here I am wearing a fake smile and pretending so that I can make it through another day.

Trying to find new beginning

[Deesgirl]

"you go right ahead and write away, that too is therapeutic and will definitely help you to feel better. I'm sure you will hear that time heals all wounds...I don't think that's the case. Time will help you to learn how to exist without your loved one, but some wounds are just too deep to heal, and the people who say that, have never lost anyone who meant so much to them that they were their life"

So true firex4. I'm sick of hearing people say that "time heals".... I don't know what that's supposed to mean. It's been 1 year since my boyfriend died and the pain is just as raw. I can say I've found different ways to cope or distract myself from the grief, but I will never mend the giant hole that is left in my heart.

Thinking of you both and wishing you dreams of your loved ones..

[pbrinkley]

A few of us took my Karen's daughter to the ocean on Friday, the place where we had spent so much time in the past and where they had spent many vacations. What a great day we had, reminising about the fun times and concentrating on all of the good times without letting tragedy enter into the conversation once. I wish I could find a way for that to be the case every day. Unfortunately, it isn't and the next day I was right back to the cold reality that part of my heart has been ripped from my body and the now existing hole will forever be there. I want her back here with us so badly that my heart hurts. I smile every time I think about her and the funny, quirky things we used to do, then I become despondent when I realize that we can't do them anymore. To all of you out there who have lost your soulmate and the love of your life, I get it...I understand your pain, your loss, your suffering, and your feeling of emptiness. No one, and I mean no one should have to experience this tremendous pain that we feel. The cavernous hole that has been left in our lives can't and won't ever be completely filled. So many days I just feel as though I am going through the motions, just existing. I am glad that I have found this forum and realize that I am definitely not alone in my experiences and feelings.

[llovern]

Firex4, you have put my feelings into words better than I could do it myself. There is indeed a huge hole that has been left in our lives that can not ever be filled. And, like you, I feel like I am just existing, not living. It has been almost three months since my husband died and sometimes I still can't believe it. People always say, well just cherish all the good memories. That doesn't work for me. Remembering the good times we shared only makes me sadder because those times are gone forever. Somehow, we will all survive the loss of our partners but our lives have been so diminished.

[grace17313]

A few of us took my Karen's daughter to the ocean on Friday, the place where we had spent so much time in the past and where they had spent many vacations. What a great day we had, reminising about the fun times and concentrating on all of the good times without letting tragedy enter into the conversation once. I wish I could find a way for that to be the case every day. Unfortunately, it isn't and the next day I was right back to the cold reality that part of my heart has been ripped from my body and the now existing hole will forever be there. I want her back here with us so badly that my heart hurts. I smile every time I think about her and the funny, quirky things we used to do, then I become despondent when I realize that we can't do them anymore. To all of you out there who have lost your soulmate and the love of your life, I get it...I understand your pain, your loss, your suffering, and your feeling of emptiness. No one, and I mean no one should have to experience this tremendous pain that we feel. The cavernous hole that has been left in our lives can't and won't ever be completely filled. So many days I just feel as though I am going through the motions, just existing. I am glad that I have found this forum and realize that I am definitely not alone in my experiences and feelings.

Wow! This exactly how I feel. I lost my fiance-my husband (not legally married but we lived it, I always referred to him as my husband, idk why I started saying fiance again) on 6/7/12. I am torn apart. I used to get butterflies at the sight of his face, now that I am left with pictures my heart just drops and it hurts. How I wish I could hold him and kiss him and smell him. I still don't understand. I still don't know how I am going to get through each and everyday of my life without him. I have our children but I still feel like I'm going through the motions. I see my babies and my heart just hurts. I think everyday about what "we" would be doing.

we

He was a very big sports fan, we had signed up our daughter for T-ball before he passed. Yesterday was her first practice. I almost didn't want to go but I know it's better for us to at least get out of the house. So we went and we had so much family their to support us but it just wasn't the same! This was something we looked forward to since before she was born and now here I am experiencing it by myself. Like I said we have alot of family but it's not the same. That love that I have for my kids, that proud feeling a parent gets when they do the simplest thing he is the only other person in this world that felt it with me about my children. My daughter is 3 and my son is going to be one on Sunday. How in the world am I going to feel and do everything without him? I need him so much. My kids need him so much. I just wish this was a long nightmare. I just wish he would wake me up out of all this crying daze! It's been a month. People said with time I would feel better but I feel worse. The holidays, the activities, I just feel worse! I hurt more. I feel so lost.

[pbrinkley]

This Saturday will be the three month anniversary of her passing, and, to be honest, I am not sure how I have made it this far. I know that people mean well when they say to cherish the good memories or time will heal your wounds. They mean well and they make statements that are so cliche'. They say these things because they really don't know what to say and they feel that they should say something. Sometimes I just want to tell them to stop and think about what they are saying and to put themselves in my shoes just for a little while and then, maybe they would begin to understand. I look around and I see that everyone has moved on with their lives, not that they shouldn't, they all have their families to take care of. I just get angry, not at all of these people who surrounded me with love and well wishes and promises to help me with whatever I need, but I am angry sometimes of how fickle life can be and how unfair it can also be at times. There is no way that such a wonderful, terrific woman should have been taken from us so young and, as I have said before, this world is a worse place without her here. I am certain that you all feel the same way. We try to live one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time. We put on our fake smiles, pull up our proverbial boots and try to get by. People who haven't experienced this hell have no idea that behind that fake smile is a shattered heart and an empty soul, a mere shell of the person that they used to know. When our loves died, a big piece of us died right there with them, and that's something that no one will ever understand.

[Ann]

I lost my husband of 20 years almost 5 months ago. I had a girlfriend over last night and we were having a similar discussion. I was telling her how I hate when people say "He is still with you" Well no he is not with me. Sometimes I think for a second , oh I can't wait to tell my husband, and then it takes my breath away when I realize, wait a minute he is not here any more. I am alone and although I talk to the urn in my family room everyday and think about my husband several times an hour every hour I am awake.....HE IS NOT HERE. I know people mean well but you're right they don't know and I would rather them just say nothing. Everyone thinks oh you're so strong and maybe I am to the outside world but there is not one day in 5 months I have not cried alone missing my husband at night. Not carrying on is not an option when you are a mother of two teenagers, I just hope the day does come that when I think about the memories with my husband I smile not cry. My life will never be the same but I continue to hold on to hope that it will be joyful again.

This Saturday will be the three month anniversary of her passing, and, to be honest, I am not sure how I have made it this far. I know that people mean well when they say to cherish the good memories or time will heal your wounds. They mean well and they make statements that are so cliche'. They say these things because they really don't know what to say and they feel that they should say something. Sometimes I just want to tell them to stop and think about what they are saying and to put themselves in my shoes just for a little while and then, maybe they would begin to understand. I look around and I see that everyone has moved on with their lives, not that they shouldn't, they all have their families to take care of. I just get angry, not at all of these people who surrounded me with love and well wishes and promises to help me with whatever I need, but I am angry sometimes of how fickle life can be and how unfair it can also be at times. There is no way that such a wonderful, terrific woman should have been taken from us so young and, as I have said before, this world is a worse place without her here. I am certain that you all feel the same way. We try to live one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time. We put on our fake smiles, pull up our proverbial boots and try to get by. People who haven't experienced this hell have no idea that behind that fake smile is a shattered heart and an empty soul, a mere shell of the person that they used to know. When our loves died, a big piece of us died right there with them, and that's something that no one will ever understand.

[csimms3]

I lost my husband to a brain tumour in February of this year. He was only 34. I feel as though I am going crazy lately. So extremely sad and it doesn't seem to let up. I have great friends and family, but they truly don't understand. I almost feel like I have to put on a fake smile and pretend to be okay while people tell me how brave I've been. I hate when people say that. I am just learning to exist after everything that has happened. There's nothing really amazing or brave about it. I am new to this group and reading some of your stories has really helped because finally someone else gets how I am feeling. I feel so alone and lost all the time. There are days that I am in complete shock. I just can't believe he really isn't here anymore and then other days he feels like a distant memory - almost like he didn't exist. People tell me to hold on to my good memories of him, but that doesn't make me feel better. It just reminds me that he's not here anymore and I don't get to hang out and laugh with him anymore. Friends say things to me like, "At least he's in heaven now." Although I am glad he is no longer suffering, the fact he is in heaven doesn't always make me feel better. I'm still here without him. I'm just not myself lately. I feel like I am slipping away. I'm not sure how to make my pain stop. Sometimes it feels like my life is over and I am only young. I know I will get through this, but right now it's just so painful.

[pbrinkley]

It is very painful. It feels like someone just ripped your heart out. I think we all feel the same way. We all sometimes think that our loved one is going to walk through the door any minute and we will finally awaken from this nightmare and everything will be alright. You're right AnnF, I get the same feeling sometimes when I realize that she will not be walking through the door and it just kinda takes my breath away. This is just such a different dynamic, when you lose someone that you spend every day with and is so young. There is no way that you can plan for this or prepare for this. I too am glad that she is not suffering anymore and is not in any pain. I know that we will meet again, I'm convinced of it. That being said, it just doesn't make it hurt any less or make it any easier to deal with. The person we loved the most, the one who we wanted to be with all the time, is gone. People sometimes think that we should just pick up and keep going. It's just not that easy. There are just so many days that it's hard to just get a grip on reality. I miss her sooooo much and I'm sure that I speak for everyone here when I say that. I wish I knew when the pain was going to stop...I am beginning to think that it never will.

[csimms3]

I've had people tell me that I need to get out more and to move on. Easy for them to say. They haven't lost that one person who defined them. I had one person tell me that if I get upset I am just feeling sorry for myself and to get over it. It's not that easy. I have a hard time even getting out of bed in the morning lately, let alone moving on. I would much rather sit on my couch in silence than be around others sometimes. I keep praying for that one person who gets how I feel. When no one understands, it sort of makes me feel guilty or crazy. It feels like my life is over but I am still young. That's a hard pill to swallow. I had someone tell me today to look for another partner! Why would I do that? Who else can even compare to your true love??!!

[pbrinkley]

As I have previously stated, I think people say some foolish things sometimes and it's partly due to the fact that they have never experienced this before and they just don't know what to say. I have people tell me similar things also, get over it, snap out of it, you've got to move on, etc. There are so many days that I just don't feel like dealing with anyone and I shut my phone off and stay home. You will never find anyone to replace your true love and I guarantee you that this is probably the hardest thing that you will go through. I wish I had all of the answers, but I don't...after all, I find myself going through the same things day after day. The feeling of loss, desperation, grief, lonliness and anger. All of these things combined make for very long days and some sleepless nights. The hole in our hearts will never be filled, which is a good thing because, to me , it is a reminder of true love. A true friend of mine sent me a long quote that at the end said it is like a broken leg that doesn't heal correctly, it hurts you when the weather turns cold, but you learn to dance with the limp. Only time will tell how true this is.

[val]

no one can tell us how we should feel or when we should feel it. my husband died july 5 and i am still in shock. i am going to attend a grief support group tonight where i can bawl my eyes out in the company of others in similar situations. i am emotionally exhausted and just want to crawl into bed with my little marble box of cremains. i want to carry it with me everywhere. i am diagnosed chronic depressive to begin with and this has sent me on a downward spiral. my prayers and thoughts are with everyone posting within this group. val

[cant move on]

Good for you val. I am a firm believer that support groups offer some of the best help available. Don't forget to let us know how it went.

[pbrinkley]

I hope your support group works out well for you. I myself have been going to counselling and I feel that it has worked for me. Different strokes for different folks. We all have so much in common that I sometimes feel like this forum has been a sort of support group for us. I have always been such a private person that I think my Karen would be quite proud of me for starting to open up, even if it is just a little bit.

[csimms3]

I was diagnosed with depression the other day. My doctor prescribed some pills and referred me to a psychologist. Haven't been to a session yet, but I hope it will help. My world feels so small right now and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. All my friends are married and/or have children. I don't have either and I feel in the way and somehow like a freak. This might sound dramatic but sometimes it feels like I no longer fit into the normal part of society. I thought about attending a support group because I thought it would help me meet some people who understand what I am going through but currently the city I live in does not have any such groups. That's how I found this site. I just wanted to share feelings with people who actually understand the pain I feel.

[llovern]

Angela,

I also lost my husband to a brain tumor. We were together for 32 years and he died on April 17th. My heart goes out to you for losing your husband at so young an age. It hurts horribly at any age, but having life cut so short is such a tragedy. I'm sorry to hear that you don't have a support group in your city. I live in a huge city and I can't seem to find one anywhere near me except for one that meets just once a month. Still, I plan to go because it will be good to be with people who understand my pain.

The only person I can really talk to about my husband is my step-daughter. She lives in another state, but we talk on the phone a couple of times a week and that helps. Do you ever have the opportunity to share how you are feeling with your friends or family? I hope the medication you were prescribed helps with your depression.

[widower2]

I just lost my boyfriend yesterday, it was too early in our relationship. He had an accident and was fine I was going to pick up from hospital to take him home and he died. We knew that this relationship was it for each other. The last thing he told me as he was holding my face was not to ever forget that I have his heart and mind. We kissed and I said I will see you tomorrow. Tomorrow didn't come I am lost. I am 36yr old and had never given my heart to anyone until I met him.

someone told me that I should look for a support group when I am ready but what I have realized is that I can't talk. I am finding it easier to type. So I am just going to type and talk to you all if that's okay? I don't know how to feel. I was a girlfriend not a wife yet. I don't know how to feel I don't know what to write but I know I should talk to someone but I can't I talked with his parents but then I feel selfish b/c its their son. I look at him and see my future and the plans we made. I don't understand we were just laying in the hospital bed together laughing and now he is gone.

After he passed I received an email from him telling me all the reasons he loved me. he sent after i left the hospital but i didn't get it until late the next day. I am rambling I know I am usually a pretty good writer. I don't even know if I will post but I will probably be writing a lot so I can work through it thanks.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. You should not feel at all "selfish" either! The loss his parents are going through and yours are different, but both unbelievably painful and difficult. It's not a contest, after all, and comparing one person's pain to another is a dicey and IMO pointless proposition. Pls feel free to ramble away, that's one of the reasons a place like this is great; people here can to some degree or other relate.

I was diagnosed with depression the other day. My doctor prescribed some pills and referred me to a psychologist. Haven't been to a session yet, but I hope it will help. My world feels so small right now and I don't feel like I belong anywhere. All my friends are married and/or have children. I don't have either and I feel in the way and somehow like a freak. This might sound dramatic but sometimes it feels like I no longer fit into the normal part of society. I thought about attending a support group because I thought it would help me meet some people who understand what I am going through but currently the city I live in does not have any such groups. That's how I found this site. I just wanted to share feelings with people who actually understand the pain I feel.

Angela, your feelings are perfectly normal and may I suggest yes, try and find a group and/or a grief counselor, even in a nearby city if you can. If you get a good psychologist I'm sure he/she can help, but unless they've been through something similar or specialize in this area, they may be rather limited in their abilities. I saw a grief counselor as I wasn't comfortable in a group, and they require counselors to have suffered a loss (ie not simply something expected like a grandparent). Knowing they understood helped a lot.

Regardless, venting here can't hurt! Best to you