Birthdays

[Deesgirl]

Hi everyone,

How have you remembered or honoured your loved one on their birthday since they died? My love, Danny, would be turning 30 this Sunday.

We were both so excited to celebrate this day together.

He died suddenly, May 2, 2011. It's just over one year and I'm feeling deeper sadness and pain right now leading up to his birthday- more than I

did for the 1 year mark.

I have some ideas of how I will spend the day and remember him, but I was curious to hear from others and share your experiences.

Thanks.

[widower2]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not there yet so I can't say, haven't thought about it too much. I'll toast her for sure, say a few words out into the air that I hope she hears. Maybe have one of our favorite meals. Or I admit it might just be too much and I'll just wait for the day to hurry up and end. Honestly I won't know till I'm close.

[Aimee]

What I did on our wedding anniversary was to buy a latex (not mylar!) balloon and write a letter on it to him. I stood in the backyard next to the garden my family and friends planted and said a prayer right before I released the balloon. I had my kids do the same thing on Father's Day. Each one wrote something that they missed, he missed, or just words of love; and then they released their balloons one at a time, giving each child a moment alone with his/her prayer. It was cathartic. This was suggested to me by a friend who also lost a loved one 11 years ago, and she still releases balloons on special days: birthdays, Christmas, etc...

It isn't easy to let it go. I found myself standing for some time holding on tight to the little ribbon... kept thinking that if I could just hold on just a little longer, I could have him back. Remember that you were blessed to have that person in your life... that they made you better... I hope that helps.

[widower2]

Nice Aimee, I like it........

[Deesgirl]

Thank you Aimee, that is a beautiful way to cherish him. I can understand not letting go. I feel like 'accepting' and letting-go means really losing him...and I can't bear that pain. Part of me understands he will always be with me, but I'm not ready to accept and let-go. It's not fair and I keep hoping to wake from this horrible dream of a life without him. It's several months now since his birthday and I've also had mine. It is hard to accept that life and time move on..

[gunnerswife]

what a great topic because i have no ideal how i am going to handle this. my b-day is on the 4th of november , his was on the 25th then Thanksgiving. so its going to be a very hard month then his favorite Christmas.

[Mdanielson4]

Aimee, that is beautiful. I have until January 29^th to figure this out for the birthday. The other Holidays are scaring me terribly. Sometimes I feel like if I say what is on my mind people will think I’m looking for their pity. That is truly the farthest thing from my mind. I am truly struggling through each day and trying not to show my feelings. I come home to an empty house and feel like running away but I have to get Gypsy, Mary’s dog and take care of her. She only has me now and I love her. Mary picked her out ten years ago and she is a poodle and owns me now that Mary is gone. I have had invitations for Thanksgiving but don’t think I will accept. I do not want to bring other people down during the holidays because I feel bad. I believe I am damaged goods now. I don’t want to go into the public because I break down and can’t control my emotions at times. I am broken and don’t know how to fix it.

Mike

[stargazer5510]

I've been through the holidays twice since Gene passed. The first year I stayed in bed and cried. Made my apologies to friends and family.

Last year I tried to participate and it was a little better. But it's just too exhausting to try it alone and I ended up wondering how to do it better this year.

Gene had a favorite movie, "Highlander". The main character is immortal and when his beloved Heather dies, she asks him to remember her each year on her birthday by lighting a candle. That's what I will do this year. I will go to church and light a candle. I know he will love it. He got out of the hospital on his birthday, 8 days before he died, and I just hadn't been able to acknowledge the day at all. But I recently re-watched the movie and now I know exactly what to do.

Just this week I found two old e-mails from him I had missed in previous searches and it was like getting a gift. He really did love me as much as I remember.

Anyone else have saved voicemail messages? I dig those out when I'm really so desperate to hear his voice and make that connection.

[SammieDoll]

My Mikie's birthday is December 13th. He would have been 33 years old. I just requested the entire day off because I don't know if I'll be able to function for work. Based on your experiences is this a bad idea? I'm planning on baking his favorite birthday cake and I've asked his parents to come with me to his favorite restaurant. I don't know how to make that day any more bearable.

*Edit:*

I was just told that his father doesn't think he can go to the restaurant because it'll be too hard for him. His mother said she may just leave work early so we can visit him at the cemetery.