Members naty0123 Posted June 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 So it is 10pm and my restlessness begins, My mind races! Sleeping with the same person for 19yrs and then suddenly I have to learn to this by myself is so hard. This should be a simple task sleeping but at night its very hard...During the day that is all I want to do, because that is the only time that I dont have to feel the pain. I hate this...i want to hear my husband walk through the door or I want to look over and see he's handsome smile or even hear him laughing or telling some crazy joke...I don't know how to move on without him...It is so hard!! He was my high school sweetheart, the love of my life..We did everything together....I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SammieDoll Posted June 22, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 So it is 10pm and my restlessness begins, My mind races! Sleeping with the same person for 19yrs and then suddenly I have to learn to this by myself is so hard. This should be a simple task sleeping but at night its very hard...During the day that is all I want to do, because that is the only time that I dont have to feel the pain. I hate this...i want to hear my husband walk through the door or I want to look over and see he's handsome smile or even hear him laughing or telling some crazy joke...I don't know how to move on without him...It is so hard!! He was my high school sweetheart, the love of my life..We did everything together....I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!!!!I'm so very sorry. I've actually had to take sleep-aids to fall asleep. One thing I do is I pick a different picture of him to look at while I fall asleep and I've been reading one of the cards he had given me (birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc.) as I've kept all of them. Some may say I'm torturing myself, but that's what I've been doing. His cards were always closed with an 'I love you,' and I tell him so before I turn out the light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Aimee Posted June 26, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 I know exactly what you are going through... I have taken melatonin which is an all natural sleep aid to help me get to sleep, but then I find myself up at 3am hugging his pillows. It isn't easy. I speak to him each morning and when I am ready to sleep, I ask him to help me. I didn't think that I would miss hearing him breath. Now that's all I want! I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members naty0123 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 I wake up through the night. I grab on everything of his. I miss his snoring and he use to talk in his sleep. I miss everything!! It so hard for me. I have to constantly remind myself that he is gone. I talk , yell and cry to him but I get no comfort out of it..Im a shell...Every second of the day I miss and want him home. I cant believe that this is real my partner of 19yrs is now ashes on our dresser. Thanks for listeningI know exactly what you are going through... I have taken melatonin which is an all natural sleep aid to help me get to sleep, but then I find myself up at 3am hugging his pillows. It isn't easy. I speak to him each morning and when I am ready to sleep, I ask him to help me. I didn't think that I would miss hearing him breath. Now that's all I want! I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted June 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 27, 2012 munchkin, I understand.....It is hard for me also to accept that this is real. My husband of 32 years is gone and I can't bear not having him here. The only comfort I can find is thinking of being reunited with him one day. I can't talk to my friends or family about his death without crying. There are so many little things that happen that make me think of things he would say or do and then the tears come again. I know that life must go and that time does bring some measure of healing, but life will be a struggle for all of us dealing with the loss of our partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GaryP Posted June 28, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 Munchkin, I hear you loudly and clearly. My wife and I met when we were 19 and in college. She died June 12th, just 3 days before our 37th wedding anniversary. She battled cancer for 9 months. She was 59, as am I. She was my lover, my wife, the mother of my 3 children and my best friend. My sense of loss and loneliness is overwhelming. My wife died in our bedroom while under hospice's care. It was very hard for me to return to the bed we shared for 37 years, but I knew she would want nothing else for me. I will be seeing a grief counselor and hope to join a bereavement group. I am sorry for your loss. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted June 29, 2012 Members Report Share Posted June 29, 2012 Gary, I can so relate to much of what you said. My husband of 32 years also died at home while in the care of Hospice. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in our bedroom so I slept on the couch in the living room every night after he died on April 17th. I have since moved from our home. May we all find the strength to cope with the devastating loss of our partners. It does help to be here and share my experience with others who understand. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members VivianJ Posted August 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 It has been almost a year and I still cannot sleep. The night he died he was unresponsive, but he let out the most awful scream of pain that I have ever heard. I don't sleep well because I am afraid I will hear it inmy dreams again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cant move on Posted August 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 It has been almost a year and I still cannot sleep. The night he died he was unresponsive, but he let out the most awful scream of pain that I have ever heard. I don't sleep well because I am afraid I will hear it inmy dreams again.Hi VS Very sorry for your loss.It's hard to watch someone you love pass. Have you seen someone professionally about this? It sounds like a form of trauma to me. Who explained to you it was a scream of pain? I ask this as I have held onto a number of people in their final moments, and in many cases they are delirious and are actually calling out for someone as they feel they are alone, which can come out as a scream. Only speaking from experience, I'm not professing to be a medical professional. But I really think you should see someone about this, you need sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted August 5, 2012 Moderators Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 I'm so sorry. I wish I had no idea what that kind of anguish is like, but I do. Although your journey is uniquely yours, pls know you're not alone in going through this kind of thing. PS re sleeplessness, I just saw this thread elsewhere and it had some good ideas, for what it's worth:http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=7547 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mdanielson4 Posted August 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 I understand the feelings you have, I can't sleep without my wife. Its been over 2 months since she died and 5 months of hospital stays before that. I can't remember the last time I slept. I have felt the uncomfortable feelings from the lack of sleep, I have used the sleep aids (they didn't help me) I have cryed myself to the point of passing out. No comfort that I can find. Lack of sleep affects other things, job performance, how we treat others, just about everything we do. I don't have the answers, but I know your pain. I wish there were a cure for the heartbreak we all suffer from. God knows I am looking for answers. I pray for all of us. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members csimms3 Posted August 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 The sleeping thing is hard. I went almost 3 weeks with no sleep at all, so I went to see my doctor. He prescribed some sleeping pills which help but I don't want it to become habit forming. I find even though I am sleeping lately, I am just exhausted. All I want to do during the day is rest and sleep. In the morning I don't want to get out of bed. My counsellor suggested melatonin to me during our session. Might look into that. She also said that someone going through grief will be exhausted because it takes all of our energy to just function "normally" during the day. I would suggest seeing a doctor for some help with sleeping. Maybe change the bedroom you are sleeping in, so there are no memories of your loved one there. My husband did graveyard shifts so it feels normal to sleep by myself. But sometimes in the quiet it is hard to turn your brain off and you think of all the memories. It is for sure hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members naty0123 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2012 I have tried the melatonin, but I still wake up several times through the night. It just sucks really bad. We sleep on the couch because it is hard to sleep where I found him! I can lay in there during the day and that's it. This is so hard and everyday gets harder instread of easier. Everything I do, makes me think of him. My heart is torn. Not sleeping wears me out big time, because in the day I want to sleep and I cant. Thanks for listening! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members VivianJ Posted August 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 It has been over a year and I cannot sleep unless I am totally exhausted. I live with my girls and they don't pay attention to how noisy they are so sometimes I am awake early and sometimes I cannot sleep until daylight.I am pretty sure that it has to do with sleeping with someone else for over 30 years and I am still not used to sleeping alone.Vivian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MemphisMargaret Posted August 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 It is strange as I read these posts. For the first weeks, I had a hard time sleeping. I'd go to bed late. My husband died in a hospice hospital bed in our living room...I think he wanted to die in our bed because he begged to sleep in that bed one more time and we tried to get him there but were unsuccessful. So one day while everyone was out, I climbed into the hospital bed beside him and held him and fell asleep and we had a nice nap together. It was wonderful and I hold tight to that memory. Our bed though....it is so lonely and I miss the snoring and he'd always play footsie with me and I miss that as well...every night...every time I wake up during the night. I have his urn on the top of the chest of drawers and our wedding picture. I kiss the picture every night and every morning and sometimes during the day. I take comfort that I am sleeping in the bed we shared for years...I also sleep with his favorite sweatshirt. It's not him but I feel like it is as close as I can possibly be to him under the circumstances. I can't imagine NOT sleeping in our bed. The other night I layed in bed going through his bible and it felt so right to be there. Anyway those are my thoughts. It still hurts that he is not here to come home to at night...or watch TV with, talk to, joke around with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members arnoldsmb Posted August 30, 2012 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 I also know about the not sleeping at night. I tried melatonin but it didn't help me that much. Doctor prescribed Ambien. It helps sometimes, but I find thatif I do sleep I wake up after a couple of hours and then there is no sleep. I too am better at sleeping in the daytime but usually only after many nights of nosleep and only when I am extremely exhausted do I sleep. It has been a little more than 14 months since my husband passed and if I do sleep I will wake upand think I need to go see what my husband is doing and then I remember he is not there. That has been one of the hardest things to face and have to faceit everyday. I know he is not here but that feeling when I wake up that I had for so many years. My husband was diabetic so if he was up before me I alwayswould want to know if he had eaten and taken his insulinThey say time will help. But I have to live through that and I doubt there will ever be a time when I don't wake up without thinking of where he is. My husbandpassed in a hospital and at times I hate that he did because he would have been more comfortable at home. The house just feels empty to me now. The silenceto me is worse than a lot of noise. I keep the TV on round the clock because the silence bothers me so much.I have an appt. to talk to a counselor next week. I hope that they can help me by having someone to talk to without guarding my feelings as I do with my daughter.She's 20 but it upsets her more if she sees me crying. I am so glad to have this website and all of you who are experiencing similar feelings. Thank you so much for sharing all of you.Just know that I will being thinking of you and praying for you to be able to rest.Shay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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