Holiday season grief

[teekly]

I knew the first holidays without my wife would be hard, but I wasn't prepared for this. I have to work Thanksgiving weekend, so this past weekend I decided to make my own Thanksgiving dinner. While I thought it was a great idea, I can't stop crying. I have wonderful memories of our Thanksgivings, going to her hometown, dinner with her mom and putting up her mom's tree. But now, they are both gone, my wife and her mom,  died a year apart, the family I've spent the last 11 Thanksgivings with.  Not only do I not know how to deal with what feels like "fresh" grief, but what about Christmas? How do I handle that??

 

[KayC]

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It's rough, I'd just as soon skip it. I don't h:(ave the strength to put up a tree, kids no longer come, snow to deal with so I stay in and try to ignore it but that's hard too. I used to love putting up a tree in his honor, but I bought another tree and can't get it out of the box.
 

 

[ShawnC]

Yeah it highlights the large hole in our lives. Very difficult to adapt to.

All of the regular traditions make me miss her. I don't think that will ever change, I still miss my grandmother at Christmas and she has been gone almost 50 years.

[Brazil Man]

Hi brother.
In Brazil we don't have thanksgiving, but this will be the 7th Christmas without my wife. Keep in mind that for more terrible it can seem, it's just 24 hours and then it's over.

[widower2]

On 11/20/2024 at 8:47 PM, teekly said:

I knew the first holidays without my wife would be hard, but I wasn't prepared for this. I have to work Thanksgiving weekend, so this past weekend I decided to make my own Thanksgiving dinner. While I thought it was a great idea, I can't stop crying. I have wonderful memories of our Thanksgivings, going to her hometown, dinner with her mom and putting up her mom's tree. But now, they are both gone, my wife and her mom,  died a year apart, the family I've spent the last 11 Thanksgivings with.  Not only do I not know how to deal with what feels like "fresh" grief, but what about Christmas? How do I handle that??

 

I'm sorry. Those first holidays without here were brutal for me. I would suggest try not to be alone. If you have other family/friends, see if you can join them one way or other. Other than that, maybe there's something you can do either shortly before or after Christmas, like volunteer at an animal shelter or something? Again just something to be around people and focus on something else. 

Also I don't know if you know about Meetup.com, but check that out too. 

[Roxeanne]

Holidays are so hard in the first time of grief, they bring out the absence...

It's very painful and i'm so sorry you have to go through this....

All of us went through this!

Good advices for you here from people who really understand....try not to be alone for  Xmas', it will be a little help be with family, with a friend...with someone! 

Hope you can find some comfort here with us

 

[KayC]

Well it sounds like my TG is kerplunk...snow predicted Wednesday through Thursday morning.

[Bee92]

Second thanks giving and Christmas without my fiance/husband. He had things so fun. Thanksgiving we would go to his family for dinner, the last thanksgiving together we rode together around the house on a scooter. I’m so glad I got that photo at least. He would wraps gifts for me one by one then put them in a big box going to smaller with those wrapped as well. The look of excitement for him to see me open everything was just so amazing. Oh how I miss him so much. I still cry so much. 

[KayC]

Such a nice picture!  I'm glad you got it too.  A treasure.

[Dennis W]

My daughter-in-law inited me over but I can't go by myself. It would just be too painful. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. Now it's just another  empty day. Just the thought of it is almost unbearable. I've been wanting to get out in the forest and do a little hiking. Maybe spending the day communing with nature would do me some good. It would be better than sitting around here alone crying all day.

[KayC]

What's Your Grief on holiday loss:

 

[DWS]

For me, it's not just the day itself but the brutal weeks beforehand of endless ads and their ridiculously over-the-top holidaying sentiments and messages. The continual pouring-on of love and laughter and family traditions at this time of year was always stressful enough even before my loss but now, it's just a continual battle for me to ignore it all and remind myself that real life is just not that way. I am not missing the fairytale scenarios that the stores are trying to sell to me. What I am missing are the moments that were real to me. 

[Arsuit]

I lost my wife a week before Christmas in 2020. It's been four years and I finally found the strength to put up a Christmas tree in my apartment. I pretty much skipped the first three Christmas seasons without her and treated them like regular days off from work.

[KayC]

I always put up a tree in George's honor, he loved Christmas, but I haven't the strength to do it after our tree died, and can't even get the new one out of the box.

[Dennis W]

We always had a tree and lots of decorations because that's what she wanted. Now I'm more of a Grinch than ever and I plan to ignore Christmas as much as possible. What little Christmas spirit I used to have is gone with the wind.

[Victoria C S]

I LOVED the holidays and I’m going to family’s house for Christmas but I won’t be decorating at home this year. I’ll have a baby next year so I figure this is the year I’ll take to grieve and I’ll try next year to decorate