Confused by people…

[Zep]

My partner passed away suddenly earlier this year two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. We hadn’t spoken during those two weeks I was so angry, hurt and disappointed at him, and then I got a call saying that he was unconscious in ICU. I rushed over to the hospital and was there day and night with his family for 5 days until they turned his ventilator off. In my eyes the cheating hadn’t happened and those two weeks didn’t matter. I’d forgiven him I just wanted him to wake up. Since the funeral I haven’t heard from any of his friends. Is this because they are punishing me for ending things with him? His family had intentions that I would be involved in the service at the funeral but his dad changed his mind and I was categorised as a ‘friend’. This really hurt. I understand that we weren’t officially together but we all had a good relationship before everything happened. I’m just trying to understand  it all….I even feel like a fraud for calling him my partner, I don’t know…

[KayC]

No

3 minutes ago, Zep said:

Since the funeral I haven’t heard from any of his friends. Is this because they are punishing me for ending things with him?

You had every right to end things with him and they should all understand that.  And you also have every right to forgive him and want him back, they should understand that too.  If he were still alive I'm sure he'd  be happy.  They shouldn't write you off at all, I'm so sorry.  Sometimes people act this way even when nothing is going on.
Keep coming here, we understand and won't treat you some kind of way.  (((hugs)))
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[Jsigler1101]

8 hours ago, Zep said:

My partner passed away suddenly earlier this year two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. We hadn’t spoken during those two weeks I was so angry, hurt and disappointed at him, and then I got a call saying that he was unconscious in ICU. I rushed over to the hospital and was there day and night with his family for 5 days until they turned his ventilator off. In my eyes the cheating hadn’t happened and those two weeks didn’t matter. I’d forgiven him I just wanted him to wake up. Since the funeral I haven’t heard from any of his friends. Is this because they are punishing me for ending things with him? His family had intentions that I would be involved in the service at the funeral but his dad changed his mind and I was categorised as a ‘friend’. This really hurt. I understand that we weren’t officially together but we all had a good relationship before everything happened. I’m just trying to understand  it all….I even feel like a fraud for calling him my partner, I don’t know…

Hi Zep, I'm Jacklyn. I completely understand the situation you're in. I'm in a similar situation, my fiance and I had been having issues and decided to live separately at the time. I got the call that he was in the ER and was on a ventilator and "there was nothing they could do about it" and " he most likely wouldn't make it". My heart sank. His friends and some family treated me like I didn't exist because of us not living together at the time. It was hard. Then I found out about 3 weeks after his passing that he had been talking to his ex wife for the past month of his life and he was saying to her things he said to me and sending pictures he sent to me to her as well. I was crushed to say the least. It made my grieving process that much more confusing and difficult. So with all of that being said, PLEASE do not let ANYONE make you feel like he wasn't your partner because he was. He most likely had a lapse of judgement and did something he greatly regretted and didn't get the chance to make things right. Because if you were that forgiving and showed up and chose to still say y'all were partners and be there for the funeral arrangements and by his side in the hospital, chances are he felt the same about you hun. Sometimes people make bad choices, but that doesn't mean that they don't love us. Do not let anyone make you feel like you are a fraud. You are a good woman and better partner, and mature enough to let things go and be there for him. That's hard to find, he is blessed to have someone like you. Even in his passing, to have someone care so much and forgive so immensely without hesitation, you're an amazing partner and I'm sure he feels the same! I'm sure with knowing what he did previously it makes your feelings more confusing and makes things harder because of the current status of your relationship when he passed, but that doesn't mean you're not his partner or that you're just a friend. It doesn't mean that you're not grieving the loss of a partner because you most definitely are. I felt the same when I found out about his ex wife. But I realized none of that matters. I know he loved me and I loved him and that's all that truly matters now. Hope this helps. ❤️

[foreverhis]

@KayC  I couldn't agree more.

No one can say what would have happened in the future.  Couples sometimes do work through and come out strong  together; some don't, of course. 

@Zep You did nothing wrong.  It's absolutely natural and normal to break up with someone who cheats on you.  Perhaps the fact that you so quickly forgave him when his health crisis happened shows that you might have been able to come back together down the road a bit.  Of course, he would have had to work hard to earn back your trust, but it's entirely possible that he would have done that.

The thing with this kind of grief is that it makes others very uncomfortable.  His friends likely don't have any idea what to say to you.  Surely they knew he cheated, so they're also probably conflicted about their loyalties and how they feel about their friend, who can no longer make amends to those he hurt. 

You were his partner.  He was an imperfect human man, but he was the man you still loved.

No one will judge the two of you here.  Please keep coming back to talk and read.  You are not alone.

[Jsigler1101]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

No

You had every right to end things with him and they should all understand that.  And you also have every right to forgive him and want him back, they should understand that too.  If he were still alive I'm sure he'd  be happy.  They shouldn't write you off at all, I'm so sorry.  Sometimes people act this way even when nothing is going on.
Keep coming here, we understand and won't treat you some kind of way.  (((hugs)))
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

Thank you so much!! This has helped me and will help me for years to come, I'm almost certain of it! I too lost a partner and life is incredibly difficult right now.  I am in the process of finding grief counseling and this helps so much!! I can't thank you enough!! I will share it as well!!

10 hours ago, Zep said:

My partner passed away suddenly earlier this year two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. We hadn’t spoken during those two weeks I was so angry, hurt and disappointed at him, and then I got a call saying that he was unconscious in ICU. I rushed over to the hospital and was there day and night with his family for 5 days until they turned his ventilator off. In my eyes the cheating hadn’t happened and those two weeks didn’t matter. I’d forgiven him I just wanted him to wake up. Since the funeral I haven’t heard from any of his friends. Is this because they are punishing me for ending things with him? His family had intentions that I would be involved in the service at the funeral but his dad changed his mind and I was categorised as a ‘friend’. This really hurt. I understand that we weren’t officially together but we all had a good relationship before everything happened. I’m just trying to understand  it all….I even feel like a fraud for calling him my partner, I don’t know…

Hi Zep, I'm Jacklyn. I completely understand the situation you're in. I'm in a similar situation, my fiance and I had been having issues and decided to live separately at the time. I got the call that he was in the ER and was on a ventilator and "there was nothing they could do about it" and " he most likely wouldn't make it". My heart sank. His friends and some family treated me like I didn't exist because of us not living together at the time. It was hard. Then I found out about 3 weeks after his passing that he had been talking to his ex wife for the past month of his life and he was saying to her things he said to me and sending pictures he sent to me to her as well. I was crushed to say the least. It made my grieving process that much more confusing and difficult. So with all of that being said, PLEASE do not let ANYONE make you feel like he wasn't your partner because he was. He most likely had a lapse of judgement and did something he greatly regretted and didn't get the chance to make things right. Because if you were that forgiving and showed up and chose to still say y'all were partners and be there for the funeral arrangements and by his side in the hospital, chances are he felt the same about you hun. Sometimes people make bad choices, but that doesn't mean that they don't love us. Do not let anyone make you feel like you are a fraud. You are a good woman and better partner, and mature enough to let things go and be there for him. That's hard to find, he is blessed to have someone like you. Even in his passing, to have someone care so much and forgive so immensely without hesitation, you're an amazing partner and I'm sure he feels the same! I'm sure with knowing what he did previously it makes your feelings more confusing and makes things harder because of the current status of your relationship when he passed, but that doesn't mean you're not his partner or that you're just a friend. It doesn't mean that you're not grieving the loss of a partner because you most definitely are. I felt the same when I found out about his ex wife. But I realized none of that matters. I know he loved me and I loved him and that's all that truly matters now. Hope this helps. ❤️

[KayC]

6 hours ago, Jsigler1101 said:

I'm in a similar situation, my fiance and I had been having issues and decided to live separately at the time. I got the call that he was in the ER and was on a ventilator and "there was nothing they could do about it" and " he most likely wouldn't make it". My heart sank. His friends and some family treated me like I didn't exist because of us not living together at the time. It was hard.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Your advice is spot on, even though it's only been a little over a month. Keep coming here and reading and posting, no one here will disregard you. I heard from my husbands ex a year after he died, I thought, well it showed me he wasn't in touch with her if it took that long.
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

[widower2]

On 11/18/2024 at 2:35 PM, Zep said:

Since the funeral I haven’t heard from any of his friends. Is this because they are punishing me for ending things with him? His family had intentions that I would be involved in the service at the funeral but his dad changed his mind and I was categorised as a ‘friend’. This really hurt. I understand that we weren’t officially together but we all had a good relationship before everything happened. I’m just trying to understand  it all….I even feel like a fraud for calling him my partner, I don’t know…

? How are you a fraud?

His/your friends disappearing is shockingly common. Human beings just often seem to suck at behaving properly at times like this. It's not you. I'm sorry you're dealing with people pouring salt in the wound. Many of us have been there... 

[KayC]

Friends, letdown
Friends who Stop Being Good Friends
Friendship: Why I No Longer Hold Onto Relationships That No Longer Serve Me

I had it happen, many of us have. 

[Zep]

On 11/18/2024 at 7:41 PM, KayC said:

No

You had every right to end things with him and they should all understand that.  And you also have every right to forgive him and want him back, they should understand that too.  If he were still alive I'm sure he'd  be happy.  They shouldn't write you off at all, I'm so sorry.  Sometimes people act this way even when nothing is going on.
Keep coming here, we understand and won't treat you some kind of way.  (((hugs)))
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

Thanks KayC, your words have given me so much reassurance. Your tips are also very helpful. Navigating grief as well as managing friendships and relationships is just a mind field, it’s good to have people who get it and can relate! X

[KayC]

I'm glad widower2 mentioned it because it brought my mind to those articles.

[Zep]

9 hours ago, widower2 said:

? How are you a fraud?

His/your friends disappearing is shockingly common. Human beings just often seem to suck at behaving properly at times like this. It's not you. I'm sorry you're dealing with people pouring salt in the wound. Many of us have been there... 

thanks- glad this platform exists because sometimes you feel so isolated and the things people do don’t make sense!