griefsupport I lost my mom very unexpectedly.

[WanderingSoul]

My mom was always someone I could rely on. She had this way of making everything feel okay, even when things were tough. We spent a lot of time together, whether it was watching our favorite shows or just talking about life. She was the person who really understood me.

 

In mid-September of 2023, she had a hysterectomy, and it was discovered she had stage 4 endometrial cancer. From October through parts of November and December, she underwent chemotherapy. On her last visit to get treatment, she had horrible pain in her abdomen to the point that she collapsed to the ground in tears. The cancer clinic demanded I take her to the ER instantly, which I did, hoping it was something fluke and not related to the cancer. After hours of being at the ER, they took her back for a CT scan to see what was going on, and it was discovered that the cancer had grown, and the chemo had not touched the cancer at all.

 

When I say everything went dark around me, it’s an understatement. It’s the best way to describe how I felt in that moment. It felt like I was in a really bad dream and couldn’t wake myself up. She stayed in the hospital for about three weeks, trying to get her pain levels under control. They did another CT scan, and the cancer had grown even more. It was decided there was nothing more they could do to help her.

 

So, hospice care was arranged, and we fought for her to receive it at home, where she could be with her family. She came home and, slowly but surely, started deteriorating before our eyes. There was a part of me that was in extreme denial about what was happening.

 

On December 19th, I had just finished breakfast (though I didn’t have much of an appetite). I heard a lot of struggle coming from the living room, where her hospice bed was placed, and everyone gathered around. Instead of one last breath, it was like she was fighting it. She let out a loud yell as if she were in massive pain, and then, just like that, she was gone.

 

I didn’t know how to react in that moment. I was in pure shock, and nothing felt real. I ran to my room and shut the door because I couldn’t watch the corner take my mom. Afterwards, when they left, I just felt numb. Do I cry? Do I… what? I guess that was the “denial stage,” as they say, after a death happens. I was told that silence would get to me the most, which sounded funny at the time.

 

A few days after she passed, I was home alone, in my bedroom. It was winter, so it got darker outside earlier. I stepped outside my room, and everything was black—no lights, nothing. My brain had become so used to her being in the living room watching TV. When I didn’t see that and noticed all the lights were off, my home felt bigger than before, but not in a good way—empty. I immediately turned back to my room, shut the door abruptly, and just fell to the ground, hysterical. It all hit me at once in that very moment.

 

Fast-forward to 11 months later, in the summer of 2024. I felt really good—like I wasn’t too phased by anything, and life felt somewhat normal again. But as summer came to an end and fall approached, my sadness started to reappear, amplified more as we approach Thanksgiving and Christmas. When I heard Christmas music on the radio, I shut it off. It felt painful to hear that type of cheer when I just couldn’t feel the cheer or joy I once did. All it did was painfully remind me, “Hey, you don’t have a mother anymore.” Especially since she passed on December 19th.

 

I’m here because I feel lost. I don’t know how to express my feelings to others about what I’m going through. In normal events in my life, like going to appointments and such, I just feel ungrounded. I feel like I’ve lost sense of who I am. It feels like no one understands what I’m going through unless they’ve experienced it themselves. And the worst part of this entire journey (if we can even call it that) is that I’m on the spectrum. So, it’s difficult to really dive into how I feel with others on the spot.

 

It’s especially difficult when I’m around professionals who are supposed to be supportive and understanding. For example, I’ve been seeing a physical therapist two days a week for over two years. While I can tell he notices something is off with me lately, he doesn’t ask or create the space for me to open up. This makes it harder for me to share what’s going on, as I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up on my own. It leaves me feeling even more isolated in my grief, and I can’t help but feel slightly bad because I’ve noticed I tend to be short with him—not in a disrespectful way—but I’ve started to limit our conversations to just what’s necessary, rather than the casual chats we used to have.  

I was 28 years old (now 29)  when she passed, and she was only 55. Losing her so young has left a void in my life that feels impossible to fill.

[Silver K]

I think it's good that you can share on a site like this. I always found it easier to share my grief on places like these rather than talk to people in real life. Not sure why. Maybe because no one can see me cry, or that I can answer any questions/replies when I'm ready. 

My mom was 59 when she passed away. I was 31. She was diagnosed stage 4 renal carcinoma. She never stood a chance, but she fought. We (my brother and I) fought to keep her home as long as we could but eventually it just became impossible. She deteriorated so quickly. It's probably one of the worst things I've ever witnessed. 

She died before the holidays started. A month later I went to a holiday gala at my work. It was too soon. Little plastic snowflake decorations at the tables were enough to set me off; such a silly little thing. They looked just like the pattern on the hospital gown my mom wore while she spent her last days in palliative care. I left the gala before dinner was even served. 

Holidays have become more bearable but they're never easy. They bring many joy, while acting as a constant reminder of parts of life missing to those of us in grieving. 

[Mattarga]

I lost my mom on June 11, so I am right there with you too. Today is the first of many holidays without my mom here. I am having the holiday at a close friend's house, someone who has helped me get through these dark days.I don't know where I would have been without her. But all the emotions you felt after her passing away? I have felt them. And right now I am the same way about Christmas songs, especially the one "Christmas Shoes" by NewSong. I cannot listen to that now without bursting into tears. Just hearing the lyrics in my head can start my bawling.

[Brandy87]

Same here it's the first holiday after my mom passed matter of fact it's Thanksgiving I lost my mom on March 15 of this year 2024 she was my best friend and without any notice she collapsed at home and was rushed to the hospital and put in a coma and she never woke up she had a Brain aneurysm and they didn't find it until after 2 days of her being in a coma by time she had surgery it was already to late it done damaged  half of her brain so me and my brother decided after two weeks that we would unplug her that was the worst thing I have ever wanted to see in my life she didn't pass peacefully she started gasping for air and she sat up and her eyes opened up a little and watched us it seemed like I lost it I am a very emotional person and I couldn't hold it in I felt so much guilt cause I had so much hope that she would wake up I felt  like I was killing her I talked to her the night before she went in and she was fine and we never knew she ever had it was very difficult cause my kids dad dealt with his dad passing before we ever got together and for some reason he made me do it alone and so I didnt know where to turn what to do I was so confused and so hurt and mad all at the same time she was my go to person I went to her for everything we lived 4 hours apart but if we didnt talk once a day it was every other day I was so lost and I didn't understand what had just happen I felt like I was in a nightmare as well and i just wanted to wake up from it I would go to her house and just sit outside in her yard for about 2 months everyday hoping she would just walk outside sorry this is just so fresh and new to me too and nobody to understand what I'm going through and it really does feel good to just get it off my chest 

 

[WanderingSoul]

I just want to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude for all of your responses. It means so much to me to know that there are people out there who truly understand the depth of this pain how suffocating and overwhelming it can be. Grief doesn’t disappear, but being part of this group has been a huge help. It’s a space where I can share my thoughts and emotions freely, without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

Reading your stories reminds me that while the circumstances may differ, the emotions and struggles are shared, and that connection brings me comfort. The courage you’ve shown in sharing your experiences whether it’s navigating the holidays, reliving those final moments, or simply missing the daily connections has given me strength to face my own journey.

I also wanted to extend an offer to connect more personally. If anyone is interested in becoming grief penpals through the website’s private messaging platform, I’d love to offer support or simply be there for each other as we navigate this difficult road together. Sometimes, a message from someone who truly understands can make all the difference.

Thank you for allowing me to be part of this space and for being part of my healing process. It’s reassuring to know that, even in the darkest times, there’s a community of people who truly get it and are here to support one another. For that, I am deeply thankful.