Dealing with late evening/bed time...

[widower2]

This has been a struggle for me since the loss. Late evening I can get by with TV or browsing the net or watching a movie or whatever, but going to bed alone of course completely sucks and due to that, my bed time averages 2-3 AM despite still working and the day starting around 8:30 AM (fortunately I work remotely so I can get up 8 AMish). Just wondering how others deal w/it... 

[KayC]

I go to sleep at 7 or I don't get any...I sleep usually 4-5 hours, pee, then can't get back to sleep. Lay there for 2-3 more hours and give up. Last night I slept 7 hours and that was wonderful, laid down for 45 more minutes.

I never had this problem when George was alive, we always slept in each other's arms, it was the best place in all the world to be. I can't sleep in our bed, I'm on our loveseat recliner.  I don't know why that's any better, it just is.

[ShawnC]

Ah yes. The quiet lonely time. Our thoughts turn to counting our losses and our fears. I give myself 30 minutes and if I don't feel it coming I take sleeping pills. I suffer more from the 3am wake up, wide awake and to late for the help from pills. I read or watch tv but it makes for a tough day. That empty side of the bed can't be ignored at 3:22a.m.

[Sparky1]

Must be something with that magical 3 am time, I also around that time just can't fall asleep anymore. Rarely I do but not many times. Trying to stay away from sleeping pills. ( Benadryl, that's what they are) . Tried herbal ones, melatonin, nothing works or for a short time and the next day I feel like crap.

[ShawnC]

Ask your doctor. Tell him\her benedryl drags you out. There are other less sedating drugs. + some of the over the counter aren't benedryl based.

[KayC]

I take a Benedryl at night, it doesn't leave me sleepy the next day. Melatonin doesn't work for me.

[WithoutHer]

19 hours ago, widower2 said:

This has been a struggle for me since the loss. Late evening I can get by with TV or browsing the net or watching a movie or whatever, but going to bed alone of course completely sucks and due to that, my bed time averages 2-3 AM despite still working and the day starting around 8:30 AM (fortunately I work remotely so I can get up 8 AMish). Just wondering how others deal w/it... 

Don't have a solution I am and have been on the unintended schedule as you. My mind some nights doesn't even seek sleep until 3 or 4. Then when the eyes are heavy and stay closed the mind gets busy with random nonconnected thoughts. I have no idea at what time I eventually fall asleep. But many of my days don't start until 1:30 to 2:30 the next afternoon.

[widower2]

Benedryl does nothing for me nor does Melotonin. Mostly booze does the heavy lifting but that leads to poor quality sleep and nightmares. 

Thank goodness I work from home and can usually get up, log on to see what's going on, and if nothing in particular, go lay back down for a bit. I often need it. If I was working in office still? ugh 

[Sparky1]

5 hours ago, ShawnC said:

Ask your doctor. Tell him\her benedryl drags you out. There are other less sedating drugs. + some of the over the counter aren't benedryl based.

I did ask my doctor a few years ago and he gave me a few names of herbal ones. Tried them and they didn't help at all. Melatonin gives me headaches and a nauseous feeling in the morning.  I used a 3 mg tablet and even cut it in half and  I get the same side effects. Does make me sleepy though, but the side effects, no thanks. Benadryl is not bad but again the side effects are not nice. Dried out sinuses, nose, bloody spit in the morning, headaches, even my feet tingle, and the groginess the next day, not nice either.

[widower2]

I have had some success with listening to audio books........sometimes it's because they're boring lol. I need to get more DVDs too. Late night TV is horrific

[ShawnC]

I don't know why but anything Morgan Freeman narrates puts me out like a light , usually in only a few minutes. I have never seen one to the end!!!

[Bob1948]

i also wake during the night. I find myself looking on her side of the bed to see if she is awake only to realize she's not there. Thats when I start thinking about how my life is empty without her in it.

[P777]

On 11/7/2024 at 6:27 AM, widower2 said:

This has been a struggle for me since the loss. Late evening I can get by with TV or browsing the net or watching a movie or whatever, but going to bed alone of course completely sucks and due to that, my bed time averages 2-3 AM despite still working and the day starting around 8:30 AM (fortunately I work remotely so I can get up 8 AMish). Just wondering how others deal w/it... 

I work from home too, I find Im not getting enough fresh air though, so I try and get out for a little walk each day.. helps a little, even just for mental health.

On 11/7/2024 at 11:37 AM, KayC said:

I go to sleep at 7 or I don't get any...I sleep usually 4-5 hours, pee, then can't get back to sleep. Lay there for 2-3 more hours and give up. Last night I slept 7 hours and that was wonderful, laid down for 45 more minutes.

I never had this problem when George was alive, we always slept in each other's arms, it was the best place in all the world to be. I can't sleep in our bed, I'm on our loveseat recliner.  I don't know why that's any better, it just is.

Very similar Kay, but Im in bed at 8ish.. the longest ive slept without waking since my Wife passed is 6 hours without waking. I was overjoyed! The usual would be 3 to 4 hrs then I wake... 

[P777]

On 11/7/2024 at 12:54 PM, ShawnC said:

Ah yes. The quiet lonely time. Our thoughts turn to counting our losses and our fears. I give myself 30 minutes and if I don't feel it coming I take sleeping pills. I suffer more from the 3am wake up, wide awake and to late for the help from pills. I read or watch tv but it makes for a tough day. That empty side of the bed can't be ignored at 3:22a.m.

Yes for definite. Ive recently ordered some valerian root as heard it may help. I was taking regular pills (broke them into quarters) and only took every so often. But I found I was becoming dependent. Anyway, hopefully this valerian root works.

Educational purposes only, always consult your doctor folks. I cant afford to be sued!!! 

[P777]

On 11/8/2024 at 3:52 AM, widower2 said:

Benedryl does nothing for me nor does Melotonin. Mostly booze does the heavy lifting but that leads to poor quality sleep and nightmares. 

Thank goodness I work from home and can usually get up, log on to see what's going on, and if nothing in particular, go lay back down for a bit. I often need it. If I was working in office still? ugh 

You have the best job in the world! Only joking of course. I log on and my emails look like a virus has taken over my computer!! Not to mention the rest of my work. Seriously though, I feel lucky not have to out to work in the office. Im not sure how I would cope, as I have my Son to look after too. My Wife was a stay at home Mom...

[Brazil Man]

Dear @widower2. For me it's the other way around. I love the bedtime beause I can sleep and have some relief.

[AJ4]

I don't take anything to sleep- my problem was always waking up at 2-3 am and then being awake for a few hours rather than having a hard time going to sleep. 
I take the recommendations of sleep experts seriously.  Any kind of light screen- phone, tv, computer- right before bed wakes your brain up thinking it's daytime.  So I may watch tv for a while but then I get ready for bed, write in my journal and read a book (paper real book) until I'm so sleepy I can't read anymore.   The waking up at 2-3 am gradually ended on it's own.   

[KayC]

I take a light sleeping pill, it's usually good for four hours, then I wake up and pee.  Rare are the times I get back to sleep, although I'll lay there another 2-3 hours.

[Packrat]

When  Faye was still here we did our nighttime routine, (take Dixie out, brush teeth, ...etc.), but  that has all gone out the door.  After my shower, I look at mind-numbing, senseless TV and pass out, usually waking up around 12:00  and going to bed. I came across an article that suggested Magnesium will help with sleep, so I've been taking it for a month, and I can see a change. But one thing it doesn't do is take away the grief.  But my faith carries me along this sorrowful path just as God helped me to take care of Faye. And it is a comfort to have my little Dixie snuggle up to me.  But  I would give up everything to lie next to my sweet wife again.