Feeling the Christmas Time Melancholy?

[notJoy14]

Hi everyone, I am new here! 

Too overwhelmed to not start this topic. It's November and I have survived another year without my Mom. She passed away 2 years ago, stage 4 Pancreatic cancer. She was an amazing single mother and I am sadly an only child. I am 26 years old.

Christmas used to be enjoyable, jolly and exciting. Now as the world around me gets progressively more excited, my depression and overwhelming sadness grows. I am feeling the itch to be isolated. I don't want to do Christmas dinners with friends and their family - I find the whole thing hellish to be honest, my mind just screams "I don't want to be here tight now". I simply want to be alone in bed, weeping over how much I miss my Mom.

My biggest regret is that I never did anything special with her at Christmas. We just ate our favourite foods and watched all the Jesus movies at home. I miss that simplicity. I wish I had appreciated it more back then. Now everyone wants me to be everywhere at all times. Makes me want to scream. The pity but without true sympathy or understanding. 

Can anyone else relate? How do you deal with Christmas season?

This Supposed "family time", any regrets?

Would love to hear others stories.