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The Artist


Aus1412

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We were in my mom's home with the realtor today.  I had stepped into her dining room so many times marveling at how beautifully she decorated it.  My mom was up in age but her decorating style was contemporary, classy, up-to-date, and simply beautiful.  When I stepped into her dining room today, it hit me strongly.  The rook looked exceptionally beautiful than at any other time I had looked at it.  Today, her decor hit my heart.  It was more beautiful than ever before.   I wanted to cry.  I was looking at the product of an artist who was not there.  The room was so "my mother".  But she, the artist, was not there.  It broke my heart.  On my way home, I pictured her little self decorating it.  Looking at what she had done, adjusting things here and there, and just standing back looking at it.

My mom made everything she touched look like a million bucks.  I cry because I don't know if I told  her enough how she had such a gift.  I cry because I believe I did not tell her enough.  And now I cannot tell her at all.  I just let out the biggest scream of agony.  I NEED MY MOM BACK.  I need to tell her how wonderful she is.  God please don't do this to me.  Please give me one more moment with my  mom.  So I can tell her that I recognize her gifts.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.  I am begging you Dear Lord.  I CANNOT TAKE THIS!!!!  I WANT MY MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day we get a buyer, we will soon have to put our hands on her hard work and take it down.  The time and beauty this wonderful woman put up will have to be taken down.  I must go now, curl myself up into a ball, and cry.

 

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I had a similar feeling too, Aus. Just typing this makes me well up with tears. When my mom died in June, I had to move out of the apartment I had lived in with her, and had to have an estate wholesale buyer buy the things in it from me. She had the most beautiful collection of Blue Willow dishware you could have ever seen. It was like a stab in the heart having to let all of that go. I can still see that nice china cabinet sitting in that dining room with all of that beautiful dishware. It really broke my heart and still does. All I have now are my memories of it. And I get like you, wanting my mom back. If I could just have one day, one hour, whatever, I would grab it in a heartbeat. I miss her so much. 😢

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Thank you for sharing about your wonderful mother.  My heart breaks along with yours.  It's been 3 months, and it feels like my mind is realizing what has really happened.  I see your loss is recent also.  I lost my dog in 2015, and I still cry for him.  I am giving you a really big hug for the loss of your mom and the loss of your cat.   I have decided to take it one day at a time.  Since my mom died, I decided that if I have to have this  unbearable loss, I am living life more on my terms.   

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