Depression and Grieving

[Guest Halo]

Sometimes I think losing my mom made it so I won’t “make it” in life (whatever that means).  She was my best friend and knew me better then anyone and was my support and rock when I got discouraged in life.  I biologically have serious depression.  When I was a kid she prodded me along challenging my intellect and inspiring my creative side and often “pulled” me out of bed. I remember even back then not wanting to “do life”.  My struggles with life are constant, I have problems with noise, shopping, driving, and the sound of water.  So I tend to need a “tool kit” on hand and often “outthink” my thoughts.  After she died when I was 40 I never was the same again.  My depression spiraled.  Suicide attempts escalated. A nasty divorce ensued.  I stopped taking care of me.  Cause “me” didn’t matter without my rock around.  I felt I couldn’t “ do life”. And when I did it wasn’t really worth it without her anyway.
 

But I have gotten better by remembering her wisdom and letting her sit in my heart like my own personal “mom rock”.  I have tried to be more like her.  Ask something about someone else or their day before you talk about yourself.  Always greet people with a “hi” or a “smile” when appropriate.  “How are you doing today” goes a long way.  Be humble. Truly listen.  Embrace your friends with all the love in your heart you have.  Help those in need.  Laughter can usually turn around any situation.  Feed those you love through their stomach (i.e. cook). Grow what you can and compost what you don’t eat.
 

 To this day when I see my son and want to make sure  he knows how much I love him I think “ what would mom do”.   From choosing stocking stuffers, or making a favorite meal I have realized that my personal rock in turn has now become my sons.  And those two things, my mom in me and me in my son have made me a very very “lucky “ person.  So therein, when I realized this, I got back to not only takiing care of me, but being me again.