Inconsiderate In-laws

[Amy W]

My dad died on September 21st, my in laws who live far away in Hawaii, never texted me or called me to give me their condolences. Rather, they told my husband to send me their condolences. 
This doesn’t sit well with me and it makes me feel like they don’t care. I told my husband how I felt, he got a little uncomfortable and then said, “Sorry, my parent’s are ass holes.”  He hasn’t told them how I feel, probably because he doesn’t want to stir the pot as they have many years ago been estranged. 
I guess I shouldn’t expect anything more from these in-laws and let it go. 

[KayC]

I wouldn't expect anything from people who clearly have nothing within them to give.  I am sorry.  I'm glad your husband  recognizes this and that these people don't live nearby.  It'd be way too soon to expect you to give anything of yourself to these people.

[Matthew48]

On 10/23/2024 at 11:20 PM, Amy W said:

My dad died on September 21st, my in laws who live far away in Hawaii, never texted me or called me to give me their condolences. Rather, they told my husband to send me their condolences. 
This doesn’t sit well with me and it makes me feel like they don’t care. I told my husband how I felt, he got a little uncomfortable and then said, “Sorry, my parent’s are ass holes.”  He hasn’t told them how I feel, probably because he doesn’t want to stir the pot as they have many years ago been estranged. 
I guess I shouldn’t expect anything more from these in-laws and let it go. 

Hello there!

I offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear father. I know your pain, as I lost my dear mother 1.5 years ago. It's been one rough ride. 

I do relate to your issue:  My mother's sisters and one brother acted terribly with us, even before she died. After my mother had her stroke, they started saying and doing things because my mother was not there as a "buffer" anymore. And after she died, they put a bunch of pictures of her on Facebook. I told them that my mother was a very private person and wouldn't have like pictures of herself online. So, what did these "older adults" do? They purposely put up "bigger" pictures of my mother to get back at us for not telling them not to post pictures of her. We told them that they had every right to get together and share pictures, but our immediate family would prefer that they do not put pictures of my mother on a public forum like Facebook.

We instantly cut them all out of our life -- best thing ever! My mother's one sister tries to talk to us at times, but that relationship is hanging on a thread. We always knew what they were, but death exposes people's true characters (boy, does it ever!).

There were people on my father's side, too,  who never even said they were sorry after she died, considering that my mother played a rather big role in their lives at one point. It's just how it is. Again, people's real characters are often revealed after the death of a close loved one. 

I must say that I am grateful every day for my father and my sister.

Your in-laws are not worth it.  It might hurt but you've always known what your in-laws have been.

Please take good care of yourself.

 

[Amy W]

Hi there!

Thanks so much for replying back, and I just read this now. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. It boggles my mind how people can be so inconsiderate, and clearly have no etiquette. 
You’re so right about my in-laws not being worth it! This is the first year they didn’t send me a birthday gift too. It most likely has to do with politics, as we are polar opposites. Pretty sad politics has to be involved. 
Thanks again and take care.😌
 

[Amy W]

On 10/24/2024 at 7:29 AM, KayC said:

I wouldn't expect anything from people who clearly have nothing within them to give.  I am sorry.  I'm glad your husband  recognizes this and that these people don't live nearby.  It'd be way too soon to expect you to give anything of yourself to these people.

Thanks for responding, I do appreciate it and I just saw this now. The in-laws are really into their political friends, it’s all they discuss, and family comes afterwards. Yes, my husband knows what they’re like and I feel bad for him. 
Thanks again and take care.😌

[Matthew48]

15 hours ago, Amy W said:

Hi there!

Thanks so much for replying back, and I just read this now. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. It boggles my mind how people can be so inconsiderate, and clearly have no etiquette. 
You’re so right about my in-laws not being worth it! This is the first year they didn’t send me a birthday gift too. It most likely has to do with politics, as we are polar opposites. Pretty sad politics has to be involved. 
Thanks again and take care.😌
 

Yes, the Christmas cards stopped last year: extended family no longer does happy birthdays, Christmas cards, etc. I really don't care. It tell me more about them than anything else. 

When people die, TRUTH reveals itself.

You take care of yourself, and keep going forward with love, gentleness and compassion. 

Toxic people are not worth it, in the end.

All the best to you in your grief journey.