Mom

[Aus1412]

Mom, I'm trying to be strong.  But tonight I am in pieces.  I cannot pretend like you being gone is alright.  I've had you in my life since forever and I cannot pretend that the air I am breathing  feels like air anymore.  You defined my life, and without you I have no definition.  

 You not being here with us is not like you.  You would never leave us alone.  I love you so much.  Can God just let me see you again.  I know it was unrealistic, but I never thought I would have to live without you.   You know how you thought while your mom was alive that her death would have to be the most awful thing....well.....it's even worse than that.  It's so awful that you are left speechless, you feel disconnected from your body, and you feel like you're being tortured.   I do not feel worthy to carry on for my mother from here.  She was so much more of a productive, smart, and  wonderful  person than I.  How do I go on smiling and enjoying the world when she cannot.