Unrequited Love

[24chas]

Hi,

This is my first post. I found this website via google and thought it may help me in my situation. After I graduated from high school, I became close to a fellow graduate. We didn't know each other that well during school, but there was some chemistry there that made itself felt during our graduation dance. The main problem was that she was moving the day after graduation to another state. We kept in contact via letters. By the way, this was 29 years ago; before the days of email or cell phones. It took real effort to stay in touch. We both were off to college in different states, but kept up communication with letters and phone calls. I sent her roses a couple of times and she came up to visit me one weekend. After school was over the next spring, I had to go to her city with my father to help him out with some business and we planned to get together. I saw her at her dad's store and we had a great reunion. But when I called her that night, she told me she had another friend in town and they were going out. That really hurt me and we never had contact again. I met someone else a couple of months later and we ended up getting married and having a child. In fact, I'm still married to her, but through all these years, I still thought about my first love. With the advent of the computer and the web, I tried searching for her but was never able to find anything. She never started a facebook account or did anything that registered on the computer. I even tried one of those services that searches public records, but got back an erroneous report on her. Just the other day, I did a random search and found her. I couldn't believe it. Unfortunately, it was an obituary notice; she had died 4 days before. It seemed she was divorced and living alone in a major northeastern city. The grief was immediate and profound. It still is even two weeks later. I feel major regrets in having our friendship end the way it did. I wonder about the circumstances, which seem tragic to me. She didn't own anything and was living in a rented apartment with no property in her name. From everything I've found out so far, she was estranged from her child and no one seemed to notice her passing online except two people. I find myself wanting to cry, but can't release it. I've always been stoic, but I'm really hurting inside. I just wonder if I could have done anything to help her, or at least let her know, I still did care. I know it seems crazy, but I feel like a dream has died. I always fantasized that maybe we could meet again and talk about what happened and why we both just let go. I'm sorry about the length of this, but I had to get it out.

Charles

[babydollxx]

i am sorry.

i know that must be hard since you wished you could have reconnected, and as soon as you found her again she was gone for good this time.

it probably seems life played a cruel, cruel lesson on you and youre probably wondering if there was anything you could have done? you can tell me in your own words. i'm just guessing,

but my advice would be to talk to your current wife. if she is not the jealous type (or even if she is, you could say this woman was simply a friend which she basically was - anyway she's gone now) and say you were looking for a friend of your past and discovered she had a recent untimely death. you could tell her what you did here in as much or little detail as you want to.

coming from a woman, i would try to understand this and offer you comfort. she may be a source of support and help you remember the good times; you could tell her about some of them and it would be a relief.

if not your wife, then how about your dad or something?

and the crying will happen,

maybe when you talk about it for the first time - do not fear it, it's natural.

peace & love

[Seebie]

I hope you're doing better over the weeks that have passed. I feel a kinship with your story since I recently found out my first love from many years ago died only a year or so after I'd last seen her.

I've had grief counselling and while there is still some ways to go, I am feeling the fog lift that has made every day a little hard to be the "rock" everyone knows me to be.