Mom

[Aus1412]

I want my mom to open her arms, wrap me in her soul, and I sleep there, warm forever.  Because I would never be away from her again. I would have her back.   I feel like since my mom has gone, I've been dropped into some other life that I don't know.  This feels weird.  I think about my mom all the time.  I cry tears, but I mostly have a shower of tears raining inside of me.  I just feel sad and mournful most of the time.  I think about my mom all of the time.  I love her so much.    I need my mom.  I'm not ready to do this without your mother life.  I will never want it.  I need my mom back so badly.  I feel like God will give my mom and I a secret meeting, where I can see her for a few seconds, and our meeting gives me some relief from the grief.  But I only have her for a few seconds

I do not like this  new life without her.  I am scared.  I am scared for time to keep passing by, leaving her farther and farther in the past.  As though I am looking back at her, and I as a move forward, walk forward in life, I look back and she's standing there,  getting smaller and smaller, and there's this long road forming between us, and she is this little figure way back there, because I keep walking forward, leaving her back there, in the past that I long for

 

 

[always_somethin]

This. My mom never leaves my mind. She has visited me in lots of dreams, and I'm very grateful for that bit of reassurance but I'm still sad. She doesn't have her cane or walker in these dreams and in a recent one I felt her hug, how loving and protective it was. When I woke up that loving feeling lingered and I didn't cry like I did in the dream. I wanted to hold on to her forever.

We can only hope that our mothers are safe and aren't suffering anymore. I'm scared too, living in the house with all her belongings around. I've been wearing her sweater she used to put on to go outside to smoke. Just to feel close to her again.

Nothing prepares us for losing our mothers. I'm so sorry for all the pain and sadness you feel right now.

[Aus1412]

Thank you for the kind words and sharing you current connection with you rmother.  It been a little over 2 months.  My mind won't let me dream about my mom   I'm just starting to have snippets of her in my dreams.  Very quick flashes of her.  As though my mind is testing how much I can bear before bringing her fully into my dreams.  I feel so resentful.  Before this all happened, I could go in a room and just see and touch her, or just pick up the phone and talk for as much as we'd like, but now she's an image.  

And to think losing one's mother has been going on since the beginning of time.    How have we endured such a painful event since the beginning of time??