My cat died today and it's all my fault

[catawampus]

My sweet girl, Spooky, died at the vet today because of an over-the-counter flea treatment I gave her. 

She was the most beautiful girl with the sweetest disposition. She had a hard life before coming to live with us. She was partially paralyzed without the use of her back legs. I had to assist her going to the bathroom and the special attention meant we forged a very close bond. She would look at me with the utmost trust. She had the most soulful eyes.

Six weeks ago we started fostering bottle-baby kittens and so I'd not spent as much time with her as I would normally. Half the house was suddenly closed off to her and I kept thinking that as soon as the kittens were old enough to go up for adoption I'll have more time to spend with her again.

Of course the kittens brought fleas. I began treating everyone with oral medication but it wasn't effective and so I switched to Advantage topical treatment for Spooky and our other adult cats. This morning she began having diarrhea and tremors and respiratory distress. We immediately rushed her to the vet but we were too late. 

I'm so absolutely broken. I've lost cats before but never before have I felt so directly responsible for killing them. I didn't get to spend our usually quality time together recently because I've been so overwhelmed caring for the kittens. I keep seeing her laying alone in a corner of the house the past several weeks and me passing her by because I was so overwhelmed with caring for the kittens and all my other responsibilities. Had it not been for the kittens she would still be alive. I'm just utterly devastated and inconsolable and can't stop crying.

Sorry it was so long. Thanks for reading this far.

J.

[KayC]

OMG, so hard!  I would expect an OTC flea treatment might not be effective, but to actually take her life???  NO!! You should sue them!  I've never sued anyone ever, but that is horrible!  I hope you gave them horrible ratings and told people what they did!

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are not responsible, how could you possibly know?!  Did your vet ever warn you?  No, because how would he know, any more than you did!

My heart goes out to you in your loss.  You were a good cat mom, I don't know many who would do what you did, going the extra mile for her.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[catawampus]

Thank you, KayC. Today has been bad. Just slept all day, unable to do much of anything. 

I was going to leave a review on Amazon where I purchased the treatment (Advantage) so hopefully others can be more informed before using on their beloved pets.

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  I think I've used that in the past on previous cats but fortunately w/o disastrous results. My heart goes out to you.  We were there for each other in times before...