No more counseling

[LMR]

My counseling sessions are over and I really miss them. They only allow you 8 sessions. We were doing so well, it was good to really talk in depth with somebody who got it and now I'm depressed again having lost my lifeline. One conclusion we both came to was that I should not have moved, especially so far away. There are no memories here which I think is contributing to this persistent feeling of unreality, that our life together never happened. I know there is no easy fix for this I just needed to tell someone.

[KayC]

Anyone else in England that knows of resources for grief counseling?  I'm in the states and CASA provides income based support, as does hospice.

[widower2]

On 9/23/2024 at 5:46 AM, LMR said:

My counseling sessions are over and I really miss them. They only allow you 8 sessions. We were doing so well, it was good to really talk in depth with somebody who got it and now I'm depressed again having lost my lifeline. One conclusion we both came to was that I should not have moved, especially so far away. There are no memories here which I think is contributing to this persistent feeling of unreality, that our life together never happened. I know there is no easy fix for this I just needed to tell someone.

Sorry to hear this...there aren't other possible counseling avenues? Maybe group sessions, meetings that churches have etc?

[KayC]

Also, before Covid I led grief support groups, we held it in my church that didn't charge for the facility.  I did this for years, and it was small groups, very helpful.

I am so sorry, all the more so since it was helping.

[Gail 8588]

@LMR

I am so sorry you are struggling so.  My first 4 years were really awful also.  I didn't  have a feeling of our life together being unreal, mine was more a feeling that there was no place for me in this world without John.  I didn't  belong anywhere. I shouldn't  be here at all. 

I often said " I just don't  know how to live without him".

It wasn't  until my 5th year that I finally began to feel reconnected to the world.  I still struggle sometimes, but I am better. 

I don't  know what might help you, but you might try to make your love more present in your new home.  Print some special photos of you and your hubby at your old home or on vacation,  frame them and hang them on the walls.  Eat foods that were his favorites. Play music he loved.  Just things to remember and celebrate your life together.  Maybe this will help your mind "know" it was real, that he hasn't  been erased. 

I am so sorry you are in this anguish.  My heart hurts just remembering how awful that feels. 

[Dennis W]

I also have no one to talk to. It has been suggested that I find a grief support group. But you know what? I know in my heart that I will never be able to talk about it anyway, not to anyone. Would it help to go and just listen to others?

[ShawnC]

It does. Or it helped me. Realizing others have done ;are doing this seemed to let me feel ok with not being ok. In one group there was people who the loss was new and others who it had been years ( like here) the different perspectives helped me . People sometimes say things like it can't hurt to try, but that's not true, it will hurt but it may help. Talk don't talk, you will be welcome. Remember those folks will be walking the same path as us.

Good luck, none of this is easy.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Dennis W said:

Would it help to go and just listen to others?

I used to lead one before Covid, never made anyone talk if they didn't want to. Some opened up after a bit. It was a great group, worth trying!

[LMR]

10 hours ago, Dennis W said:

I also have no one to talk to. It has been suggested that I find a grief support group. But you know what? I know in my heart that I will never be able to talk about it anyway, not to anyone. Would it help to go and just listen to others?

I would definitely give it a try. It was my third attempt at getting help. The first group was really just a social club, no structured help of any kind. The next was a one to one which was ok but didn't achieve much. My third try, also one to one, I knew right away that he was a person  I could talk to. I just sensed it and indeed it turned out to be the case. He was an enormous help and I would have carried on if I could. I can't recall that we ever talked about the actual death. Sometimes we just talked about my husband, what he was like, what we had done together. More reminiscing, but I had nobody else to do this with. Other times it was my feelings. I never felt pressured to talk and I am more if an introvert, yet I found myself letting it all out.

I do think even listening to others can help until you feel like sharing.

[DWS]

17 hours ago, Dennis W said:

I also have no one to talk to. It has been suggested that I find a grief support group. But you know what? I know in my heart that I will never be able to talk about it anyway, not to anyone. Would it help to go and just listen to others?

My broken heart goes out to you on your tremendous loss. It's so understandable your questioning of a grief support group and it is a tough decision....much of it stemming from the sheer bewildered and confused state of mind trying to process what has happened. First and foremost, this really comes down to your comfort in a group setting. I was never comfortable in group settings before the loss of my partner so I knew that putting myself into that type of scenario wasn't a good idea. It sounds like you are trying to listen to your heart. That is a vital thing to do right now because being a good friend to yourself is essential. Having said that, the idea of listening to others may allow you to get more at ease in sharing and expressing your grief. This forum is very good for that so you are reaching out...as difficult and as challenging as that can be.