Lost my dog of 10 years

[danni.yazhe]

Two days ago my spouse, a couple siblings , and I went to a wooded area behind our house to look for pinon nuts. I have 5 little Chihuahua-mix pups and they all get along together and hang out , so I thought nothing of it especially because they're always usually by the vehicle. My dog (10 yrs old and a gift from my spouse as a "responsibility to having children") named Princess has been with me through thick or thin , when me and my spouse had arguments she was always there to comfort me (never mad at me , never ignoring me ) she was sort of an emotional helper for me. I was too busy picking pinons and I heard my spouse ask me about 3 times "Where's your dogs?"... I was too occupied to make sure they were around the last time he asked , that's when I lost her. I kept calling her name which she usually always replies to. We spent about 2 1/2 hours looking and calling , I felt absolutely heartbroken when we had to leave because she's never been alone a day in her life. That night I kept crying and calling her name from my house and all these thoughts kept running in my head. I know she hates the cold and tried to find a blanket whenever possible , it rained the past 2 days and I know she must be cold and wet and it tears me up inside to be wondering what she's thinking ..  if she is looking for me. My spouse told me she might have been eaten knowing there's mountain lions in the woods. I don't know if he was trying to make me feel better but both possibilities make me feel like a balloon that's lost it's air. She was my responsibility, she never did anything bad to anyone , she just wanted love and to be taken care of. She only weighs about 5-10 lbs and I just can't stand to think that she's lost in the woods or eaten by a predator... Then to make matters worse last night me and my spouse got into an argument in which he said "You don't pay attention to anything ....I'm always asking about your dogs ... That's why shes lost because you didn't give a sh*t to make sure she was around" .... Literally I just felt all those feelings again of regret, hate, and in all honesty I just feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest and there's just a big hole there now. I wish I wasn't an idiot and was more caring. 

[KayC]

Oh my gosh! I can't believe he'd say that to you!  I am so sorry.  Your dog is lost...take an item of your clothing and put it outside, also her favorite toy and blanket, food and water...maybe she'll come back.  Put up flyers with her picture on it.  How far away is this woods? Is there anyone who can help you with this search?  I wouldn't give up after two days, she could still be alive.  My heart goes out to you.

[danni.yazhe]

Thank you . I just feel so alone right now , I have 6 other people living with me and it seems like they just forgot about her. I don't feel like cooking , cleaning , thinking... I just miss my dog. I really didn't think she would go missing like that since she was walking with the other pups I have. I did put the shirt I was wearing down by the tree I last seen her at, but no luck. 

 

[KayC]

If I didn't feel like cooking, I wouldn't.  Let one of the other six people do it, they won't die.

I am so sorry, I lost my cat, Miss Mocha, 6/3/16, I never forgot her, put up flyers, contacted neighbors, then one said they lost a cat at the same time to a cougar.  I bought a memorial stone but it always bothered me, one of the only cats I never had a body for.

[danni.yazhe]

That's how I feel. She's been with me a long time... It's funny because she has been through a lot. She fell off our couch a couple years ago and bumped her head. She wouldn't stop going in circles and her eyeballs kept fidgeting back and forth so I had to feed her , hold her still so she could potty , give her electrolytes... Then after about 6 months she got out of it. I was so happy. Sadly after that she got ran over by my brothers flatbed but amazingly she survived. She was getting older and was starting to lose sight in her right eyeball .. she was a fighter. I just can't believe I would lose her behind my own house! I miss her so much , even now my heart aches because it's beginning to rain and I just hope she's not out there thinking I just abandoned her. 😭

[KayC]

Dogs don't think like us.  They don't blame us unless we hit them! They quickly forgive us and love us, that's why they're so easy to love!

I'm going to post some articles, even though you don't know she's dead, I would be the first to rejoice at your not needing them after all.  That's what was so hard for me with Miss Mocha, the not knowing, and I never expected it.  I was outside all day, I'd last seen her in our back yard just in front of the woods, I never heard a thing.  I always prayed that meant it caught her off guard and she would have gone into shock and not even know what happened.  I thoroughly searched our woods but...nothing.  She was NEVER one to run off or leave our property, she loved it here.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[AJWCat]

My breaks reading this I am soooo sorry.