Precious cat run over by car

[Aubsonnens]

Hi There,

This is the 3rd forum I’ve posted in. I am having a really hard time dealing with my own thoughts and trying to moving forward. With each passing day, I am feeling worse instead of better. I adopted a kitten to keep my 2.5 year old girl company about 3 months ago. I would spend 15 hours away on overnights for work, and I thought she was lonely. This totally backfired. She did not like the kitten at all and all he did was bother her. I did everything in my power to make her comfortable during this transition period, and this included letting her outside in an enclosed space in the back of my apartment where she could be away from him. I blocked any exit points with netting, put an AirTag in her collar, and went outside to check on her frequently. She stayed put for the 3 months until her curiosity started getting the best of her. She ended up climbing the roof and into the front yard. I noticed her doing this for about a week and brought her inside each time I saw her. I knew she preferred to be out there, but I was worried for her safety. I wanted both her and my kitten to have amazing lives, and I couldn’t bring myself to “return” him even though they weren’t getting along quite yet. It had only been 3 months, after all. During this particular time on Wednesday, she got into the front and I went outside and saw her pretty immediately. I gave her lots of love and she was acting very happy. She came up to the front door but saw my kitten and didn’t wanna come in. I was leaving within the hour so I really didn’t think much of it. I thought I would just grab her on my way out. Within what seemed like just minutes, I got a phone call from my neighbor saying that they found her in the road. I keep playing that moment where she was right at the door over and over in my head, to the point where I can’t function due to the guilt. I should have grabbed her. I knew I should have grabbed her, but I didn’t. I feel incompetent, broken and hopeless. I am completely at fault and now I am stuck in this apartment, on this street, with my kitten as a constant reminder of where I went wrong. I will continue to love him with my whole heart, but I know if I hadn’t gotten him that things would be different. Nobody in my life truly understands and I cannot do this alone.

[KayC]

I am so sorry!  It's so horrible and unexpected.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

Grieving the Death of a Pet...It's NOT just a pet, it's a family member.

Pet Loss

[Lorrainepc]

Hi, I have just joined this group & read your post. My heart goes out to you. I lost my darling cat Lou on Wednesday early hours. I had Lou for 10 years, she was originally my teenage daughter’s cat but she got busy with school & boyfriends & Lou became my constant companion. Lou gave me more love than any human ever did in my life. I brought her to Australia with me almost 2 years ago & it hasn’t been an easy time. I don’t have any support even though my family are here, they disowned me at the beginning of the year,  an incident with my brother who was in the wrong & I reported him & now they have all turned against me. My daughter & her fiancé recently moved here 4 months ago & live with me, they have a cat too who used to live with us back in New Zealand. Lou was a bit out by this, she started scratching at my daughter’s bedroom door, or scratching anywhere to wake us up, so a lot of broken sleep. 
Around 1am on Wednesday I got up she was at the top of the stairs stretched out by the door, she had full access to my room, I got up stepped over her & she swiftly followed, I opened the back door & so ok off you go. I didn’t fall back asleep, at some point I heard a motorbike sort of stall & I thought it odd, then I don’t know when  a short time later my neighbour was at my door calling out to me, I ran downstairs all I heard was your cat & I felt sick. She was on footpath gone,  her son had been out with his dog & the dog alerted him.  Iam sorry for rambling, I feel your pain, I am broken, I lost my soul mate & wished I had never let her out to try & keep everyone happy to get a nights sleep. I understand your guilt, but please don’t beat yourself up, you loved your cat, & they are adventurous & it’s impossible to contain them.  I  truly understand how you feel. 

[foreverhis]

@Aubsonnens and @Lorrainepc  I'm so very sorry you had such tragic losses.  The guilt you feel is because we cannot believe what happened and so our minds and hearts search for another outcome.  We look in the mirror, point back, and say, "It's your fault," even though we could not have known.  Truly, you could not have foreseen losing your precious sweethearts.  You are not to blame; you loved them with every bit of your hearts and souls.  I know that is scant comfort now, but please keep that in the back of your minds.  Your only guilt is in loving and wanting the best for them.

It won't be easy to go through your grief journeys.  We here know that.  Not everyone understands the incredibly deep and enduring bond we have with our most special companion animals.  The members here do.  Please come to talk, rant, and even "scream" if that helps.  You are not alone.